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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Favourite child

41 replies

littletikes27 · 24/10/2019 10:25

Fully prepared to be told I'm BU.

I have a disabled DD who's under a variety of different specialists. She had loads of appointments so I don't expect DP (her dad) to come to everyone one of them however he's never actually been to any.

He has two DC from previous relationship who we have shared custody of and he always does the opticians and dentist even if it's their day with their mom. Yesterday, our DD has an MRI under general anaesthetic and he didn't come as he said it's pointless in us both going but today his DC is having an ultrasound on their kidneys for recurring UTI. He's got up bright and early to meet Ex and DC at the hospital for the ultrasound and I'm pretty pissed off that he thinks one child's illness is more important than the others.

After many other issues in the past I'm ready to LTB

AIBU?

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/10/2019 11:03

When I first started reading your thread, I wondered if he doesn’t trust his ex. But it would seem you And your dd are both second class citizens in his eyes. I’m wondering if he has feelings for his ex or if they’re having at best an emotional affair. In any case, this needs to be the last straw, yes.

PinkCrayon · 24/10/2019 11:04

He sounds awful, Don't put up with it.

pinksparkleunicorns · 24/10/2019 11:05

This is my first LTB. You and your daughter deserve better.

Butterfly02 · 24/10/2019 11:05

As a single parent with a disabled child I totally get that sometimes you need a hand hold at the hospital, my dc has been oblivious to what the Dr's been saying but its flawed me or like your dd they've had a ga and not been phased by it but it would be nice for someone to have given me a hug and said dc will be OK you will be OK. You need someone who's there for you and dd.
Has dp dealt with his issues around dds disability? Is he willing to? Have you spoken to him about how your feeling / had counselling to express your feelings? Does dp ever look after dd on his own - in order to give you a break, bond with her, would he cope with this?
It sounds like things have come to a head, perhaps you need to make decisions about what is best for dd and you and he'll have to deal with any consequences that come from your decisions - he's had two years to show you and dd what type of partner / father he is. Best wishes to you and dd and know that you are doing the best you can for dd now without dp so I'm sure you can do it as a single parent.

LolaDabestest · 24/10/2019 11:11

That's beyond bad don't think I'd forgive that.

Sirzy · 24/10/2019 11:12

I hope you have good support from elsewhere. Being a mum to a disabled child is hard and support is vital.

Make sure you look after yourself

Mrsjayy · 24/10/2019 11:13

There is always somebody who will be quick to blame the abused littletikes

Aprillygirl · 24/10/2019 11:16

Wow I can't believe he left you during labour, especially under those circumstances. Was your DD planned because it seems to me that he has switched off emotionally from your LO from the start.

AryaStarkWolf · 24/10/2019 11:18

There's is honestly no reason why he won't come other than he can't be arsed. I want him here just because he's her dad in all fairness and over the past 2 years I've basically dealt with all this on my own. When I was in labour (8 weeks premature), could have potentially gave birth to a still born, he left me to take the kids to the park. That's says it all really doesn't it?

oh my god, that's disgusting, you're going to have to leave him you know. You and your DD deserve better than that. Your posts make me so sad

Sceptre86 · 24/10/2019 11:18

What positive elements does he bring to your or your daughter's life? If you can't think of any, ltb x

Aprillygirl · 24/10/2019 11:22

After your update I have to say you are partly to blame for the situation you are in. He treats you and your child as second because you allow him to. After the labour incident if that doesnt scream at you then off course hes free to think he can do this. Gosh he would be dumped and I would be gone if it was me.

Don't be so fucking stupid. A decent dad should not have to be told to be their for their child. It's his fault he is not, no one else's.

AryaStarkWolf · 24/10/2019 11:30

Don't be so fucking stupid. A decent dad should not have to be told to be their for their child. It's his fault he is not, no one else's.

It's very easy to stand outside a situation and say "well, I wouldn't put up with this!" alot more difficult when you're in it and just had a baby, prematurely, with a disability. Of course it's not the OPs fault her "D"P is a shit partner and a shit dad. Hopefully she's finding the strength now to leave

Contraceptionismyfriend · 24/10/2019 11:35

Wow Op I'm so sorry you've had to go this alone. Hope you get away from this arsehole soon.

CatsOnCatnip · 24/10/2019 11:38

This is heartbreaking, OP. It’s not your fault he’s a heartless bastard. Just a shame you’ve had to find out this way.

PlanningApplication · 24/10/2019 11:55

Looks like you're already a single parent OP, so why not do yourself a favour by offloading the baggage of your DH?

betternamepending · 24/10/2019 11:57

Wow, that is such bad behaviour. I'm surprised you didn't leave him earlier. You deserve much better than this.

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