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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Two's Company, Three's a Crowd?

7 replies

FreckleGirl · 24/10/2019 09:52

Morning all,

I have named changed for this but I really need someone to give me a little slap on the wrist!

All my life I have struggled with friendships. I build friendships and they never last etc. I am someone who does need a little space at times, ie I can't be on group chats constantly.

We've not long moved into a new area. Within my road are two other families - both have children in my daughters class.

I thought I was making a good friendship with the other mums - we have been walking to and from school together for the last year or so (our children are in year 2 and we have to walk to school as limited parking as it's a little village school).

We also have a group chat and we have met up for wine nights a few times. As I stated above I do join in most of the time, but the group chats are constant and sometimes I do mute it so I can watch a programme in peace with DH.

It's become apparent that they now have their own chat group. That's fine, doesn't really bother me. But I am being increasingly left out of conversations etc to and from the school run. I usually end up walking either behind them or in front, or if I try and join in I have to walk in the gutter. We've often met up with our children in half terms etc but when I mentioned doing it in the upcoming half term they just looked at each other and didn't say anything. Makes me think they have plans we're not included in.

It's actually making me feel quite anxious. I think it's because I feel a bit trapped. In normal circumstances I would wind the friendships down but they are my neighbours, we live in a small street. I cannot escape them without appearing rude and risking a falling out. I really don't want to fall out with neighbours. I also can't escape seeing them walking to and from school. There is literally only one way to walk.

For content, my daughter has SEN. They are making a big deal about how close their DC's are becoming and it's making my DD feel left out as well.

Tell me how to deal with it!

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 24/10/2019 09:59

I think it's difficult, maybe you are a 'mum friend' who happens to live close whereas they are 'friend friends'.

Also by y2 children are more specific about their friendships and become less happy to play together just because their mums are friends.

If their DDs are getting on well together, and less well with yours for whatever reason, I can see why they might want to meet without you.

My DD was young for her age, unclear speech and not good coordination, and it definitely impacted her ability to make friends.

My suggestion would be to try to get to know other parents, and find out who your DD plays with at school. Maybe leave for school a bit earlier / later for a while so you aren't walking with the others every day, and then the occasional meet might go better?

FreckleGirl · 24/10/2019 10:10

Thank you for replying.

For context, they weren't friends before I moved. One of them actually moved after me.

But I do appreciate what you're saying. I think I will start trying to walk later to try and avoid it.

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 24/10/2019 10:19

I certainly have some friend friends who started as Mum friends where our DDs got on fine when younger but as they went up through primary grew apart. We now don't meet with the girls (age 15) as they have nothing at all in common these days.

AryaStarkWolf · 24/10/2019 10:25

There doesn't have to be a fall out, just see them acquaintances say hello, walk with them if you want but don't suggest meeting up etc

FreckleGirl · 06/02/2020 14:09

Thank you all for replying. Just to update you, I am trying my best to detach myself from the friendship - it's not been easy because of the close proximity. They've also started whispering to each other a lot. Feels like bring the playground sometimes!

We'll get there - just makes me feel a bit anxious that I may have to put up with this until DD can walk herself to school. I seriously thought I'd left all this rubbish behind at school & Uni 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
BottleOfJameson · 06/02/2020 14:24

That's hurtful op. Some women do try to solidify their friendship by leaving others out. I would look for other friendships. Of course remain friendly with these women but perhaps emotionally distance yourself. Best of luck op.

FreckleGirl · 07/02/2020 09:09

Thanks @BottleOfJameson for replying. You are completely right, just wish it didn't make me feel so anxious and trapped. I need to woman up! Grin

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