AIBU to be upset that DH didn't buy me anything?

[Derbyldn]

DH is abroad on a birthday trip with a few friends he’s coming home tomorrow. When we were FaceTiming him yesterday, DD6 asked if he was buying presents for them, he said yes. Missed his call today, called him back later, he didn’t pick up. Just texted me now that he was out shopping for the kids, no mention of me. I texted him a few days ago, asking him if he could buy me some nice scarves when he goes to the market again which he ignored.AIBU to feel a bit sad? I’ve been abroad before without DH, and I’ve always bought him something, does your DH/DP buy you anything when he goes away or am I just a spoiled brat?

@thistimelastweek
That's exactly how I feel, I go on holiday to relax not wander around shops looking for presents for everyone, it's boring and stressful and I don't go on holiday to be bored or stressed.

I don't understand this presents on holiday business. I'm going away for a.week leave me alone. Unless I am away for a year or see something special whilst out enjoying my holiday don't expect a gift.

Birthday, Christmas, Easter fine, but why does everyone need material things these days!! What happened to a good old postcard.

I wouldn’t expect anything as I’m an adult, although if I asked for something particular he’d try his hardest to get it.
I would expect him to get something for our kids though.

I really cannot get my head round grown adults demanding presents because their partner has gone on a holiday.

My DP travels a lot and will sometimes bring home some of the local sweets or booze if he’s got spare change and an hour or two to kill at the airport, but I wouldn’t expect anything. If he’s gone somewhere unusual (like Africa or India) he might bring home some other bits and pieces, but if he’s only gone for a few days it wouldn’t cross my mind that he should bring presents.

I think you’re getting an unnecessarily hard time on the present-from-holiday-front. Mumsnet seems to think no adult should ever get presents and that’s just not true! I’d buy a little something if I went away without DH, and he would do the same (last time we were away separately but simultaneously; I bought him fudge with a local flavour, he bought me Scottish tablet). It’s nice to just think of each other a little, so YANBU there.
BUT, you are a little U to be annoyed already when he isn’t even back and you have no idea if he has got you anything. DH and I would keep it a surprise til we were back unless we were actively teasing each other about something ridiculous we hadn’t got (he didn’t tell me about the tablet but did pretend he was trying to get a Highland cow on the plane). I think it’s fairly normal not to say outright that you’ll get someone something, just surprise them when you’re back!

If you don't have a history of being disappointed with his selections when he's bought gifts for you, it's not unreasonable-- as long as he was going to be shopping anyway or it wouldn't be too much extra time and trouble to look for scarves.

...But honestly, people rarely choose for me what I'd choose for myself, and I almost always hate shopping for others because it's so difficult to decide what to get for them.

I always see stuff I think people would like and make a mental note to come back before going home to get it, but then time slips away.

Often when you're away you get wrapped up in stuff you have to do, or you're having a good time.

I also think that now we're in late capitalism and the internet age bringing things back has lost its purpose. It used to be that when you went to Morocco you'd bring back jewellery and textiles, you'd go to France and could surprise people with some nice wine or soap or niche perfume, etc etc and it's now lost a bit of its shine because everythin can pretty much now be bought from source in a matter of clicks.

Sorry bit off topic!

I think this issue fits squarely into the 5 Love Languages thingo.

Look it up? Some people see gift-giving as a key expression of love, some value other shows of love more. We all get het up about our preferred way to receive love, and basically think some of the other ways are crackers!

My DH's trips don't tend to involve going anywhere near shops or markets but luckily he knows to get me a big Toblerone from the airport

Its a bit early to be moaning he hasn't returned with a gift when he is still away!

We usually just bring back booze, cheese or local honey as presents. My DH would usually bring me duty free skin care/shower stuff if he was travelling abroad without me but I don’t really expect it.

Yanbu if he doesn't get you something too, but you don't know that he hasn't yet.

We usually get each other consumables (food!) He did get me nice jewellery once, but it was I trip I had wanted to be on buy couldn't so he felt sorry for me! It isn't something I could get her up about really though. Certainly not in advance of not having received it!

But you don’t know that he hasn’t bought you something? So why wait emotional energy being upset with him now

In all the years I've been with him, he's never surprised me with anything, but I'll see what happens tomorrow. He just mentioned the kids, so I just assumed he didn't get me anything.

Sometimes he does but I don't expect it, it's usually a waste of money.

If he did it'd be something like wine, olive oil, mustard

Bloody hell I used to get excited about a gift from my grandparents when they came back off holiday when I was about 6

Now of course I don't expect it!

Does it really matter? If all else is good in your relationship why do you want him to go shopping for you?

It’s all tat anyway.

Obvious to me that he’s either already bought you something OP or he wants to choose something without your direction.
Wait and see!

I would never expect this and have never gotten travel gifts beyond from my Oma and Opa.

I guess if going on a trip is a rare and exciting event, a present would be nice. But with our jobs, we’d be in debt if we bought each other a present on every trip.
Still wouldn’t expect one though.

@FloatingObject

You are confusing capitalism with globalization.

after reading that , i think you just want to be happy he comes home at all

If he truly isn't bringing you a little surprise or treat, YANBU. I think a lot of us are hoping he will surprise you upon his return, but your last post makes me think that might not be the case.
It makes me sad you say he hasn't ever surprised you. I think sweet gestures and thoughtful surprises now and then are such an easy and lovely way to delight a partner. Does he know that is something that matters to you and he still refuses to do that?