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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to send my kids to private school even though I can’t afford it?

62 replies

Hollyivywillow · 23/10/2019 20:44

Obviously I’m being hugely unreasonable!

I HATED school, especially secondary. I work in one now.

I am officially opposed to private schools. Yet I love the uniform and the grounds and the trips ...

It’s a crazy dream ...

OP posts:

MrsJoshNavidi · 23/10/2019 20:48

YANBU to want to send them. But YABU if you do and you can't afford it.

Stompythedinosaur · 23/10/2019 20:48

Tbh if you can't afford it then it probably isn't best to dwell on too much.

Merryoldgoat · 23/10/2019 20:49

Well. It depends. Are you children bright enough to pass entrance exams and would you qualify for a bursary?

Liking the grounds and uniform is a pretty ridiculous reason though.

chilledteacher · 23/10/2019 20:51

Sadly yes. My parents loved the idea but couldn't really afford it. They sent us, it was grim because we didn't get to do all the hidden extras you needed to pay extra for and they lost their house. I'm now full of guilt that they did this for me.

namechange122222 · 23/10/2019 20:51

I am not opposed to them but do think they should be taxed differently and that money poured into state schools.

I think some of them must be insufferable places full of families trying to put do each other, or bastions of stultifying tradition, but others must be lovely and I would send my kids to them in a heartbeat if I could. Mainly for the smaller classes and increased attention.

I work in a tiny special needs private school (mind you it is really tiny), and I would love my kids to receive that kind of attention.

namechange122222 · 23/10/2019 20:52

out do each other

Hatherden123 · 23/10/2019 20:54

Go for it ! I too work in a mixed secondary comp and totally agree with your sentiment - investigate as there are many bursaries around - often the best schools have a few 100% funded places as it is easier to administer, try Dauntseys for example and of course ther is Christs Hospital - 76% of students are receiving funding - get hunting and get the kids totally awesome at one skill - really doesn't matter what it is from violin to equestrian they will be spolit for choice once you hoick them round the testing circuit - seriously it CAN be done.

sanchezz · 23/10/2019 20:55

Could you apply for a bursary OP?

Don’t focus on the uniform though! Is the school any food? Some independents are useless. Others are amazing.

wondering7777 · 23/10/2019 21:01

How easy/hard is it to be awarded a bursary from private schools? Are they very difficult to come by or do schools give them out a lot? Could you be offered one and still not be able to afford the fees, or do they only make an offer that having assessed your circumstances, they know you’ll be able to afford?

Africa2go · 23/10/2019 21:06

YABU - just for sweeping generalisations. Some schools are poor (state and private), some are good. Some are outstanding but some private schools are not at all academic. Some just mop up children who don't pass state selective exams.

Thinking that (a) (all) private schools are better (b) that you'd choose a school on grounds & uniform and (c) you can't afford it, yep you're BU.

Thehop · 23/10/2019 21:07

I’d love to send mine too, but can’t envisage ever affording it.

iwantavuvezela · 23/10/2019 21:09

Why not try get a job in one of the private schools if you already work in a school - that usually gives you a discount towards school fees.

bookwormsforever · 23/10/2019 21:13

You love the uniform, grounds and trips? What odd criteria for choosing a school!

The private schools round here have awful uniform. Awful.

Grounds? Um. Probably ok, but will dc care?

And the trips run by our local comp secondary are just as good as those run by the grammars and private schools. Anyway, I think family holidays are much more important than school trips. We show our dc the world. I don’t want to spend thousands for dc to go skiing or whatever.

The most important things in school to me are friends, the quality of teaching, the ethos of the school - lack of bullying, behaviour policy, extra-curricular clubs offered...

We have friends who sent their dc to private school. She now mixes with a few girls who are rich. She’s become materialistic, judgemental, shallow and money-oriented. Private schools are not for me. I’d rather my dc saw and mixed with a wider range of dc from different backgrounds and with different world views.

LolaSmiles · 23/10/2019 21:15

There are many good reasons to be attracted to private school, but your reasons aren't one of them to me.

I also work in a state secondary. I'd gladly send my children to my school. Not all state secondaries are rubbish, soul destroying places.

TheMarzipanDildo · 23/10/2019 21:17

My very average state school had grounds and a posh uniform and nice trips.

Original poster

Hollyivywillow · 23/10/2019 21:18

I think some are taking me a little seriously - it’s never going to happen so I am allowed to think how cute they’d look in the uniforms and how lovely it would be for them to attend a school that looks like a stately home!

In answer to other questions I wouldn’t go for a bursary. No point being the poor kids. I wouldn’t want to work in a private school and in any case I’d never have my kids attend a school I worked in.

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/10/2019 21:28

Holly
You could buy them a nice boater and have them call you Mummy until they are 27.

mamandematribu · 23/10/2019 21:44

I think we all want to send our children to private schools and most of us can not afford it. You're just being Normal.

Grobagsforever · 23/10/2019 22:36

Why do you want your kids to hangout with entitled rich folk and be taught by unqualified teachers?

Grobagsforever · 23/10/2019 22:36

@mamandematribu absolutely not!

NationMcKinley · 23/10/2019 22:40

@mamandematribu er, no. Definitely not!

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 23/10/2019 22:45

Trust me, it's not all its lived up to be. My three are currently in a private school and if they weren't so happy there (the social side they love), they'd be straight out.

The teachers and running of the school is very poor. Grade manipulation. Unruly children who get away with too much because of who their parents are. Plus, in all honesty, I'd rather have the spare cash for myself mwahahaha.

Things we do for our children's happiness hey!

RedSheep73 · 23/10/2019 22:51

I want to live in a great big house in the country, and have a horse, and a cleaner, and holiday in the Maldives. That's not going to happen, either. Just think about the ridiculous uniforms with stripes and boaters and how snobby the other parents would be.

shoebedobedobedobedoo · 23/10/2019 22:54

Are there any other reasons other than the uniform and nice grounds? If not, then I wouldn’t bother. If those were just 2 tongue in cheek reasons, and what you really meant was smaller class sizes, broader experience etc, then go for it. There was a brilliant post on MN about a year ago from a lady who earned £20k a year and put 4 children through private schools on bursaries. I think the children’s father was in prison. You need to put forward a compelling case as to why you DC needs to go to that school (so for example if your child was musical pick a musical school like Wells Cathedral, or sporty, pick milfield). There are definitely some mega rich families at private schools, and some very entitled children, but I’ve seen the same in the state school my dc were at. Also I wouldn’t worry about your children being the poor kids’. I was the poor kid at my private school- it only drove me harder to make sure my kids wouldn’t be poor. My best friend at school was from a family of multi millionaires. We are still best friends. Private schools do have lots of bursaries.

Doubletrouble99 · 23/10/2019 23:02

Our two went to a local prep. school when they couldn't cope with the mixed age classes in the local primary. We got bursaries for them from the school which was topped up by educational grants from other charitable sources. They were in classes of 10 -12 and they excelled. Loved all the sports and other activities and were never made to feel like the poor children. They were always invited to every party even though they can be a handful as they have ASD and some other needs. I found the parents much more inclusive and less clicky then the local primary mums and I am still friends with them all many years later.

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