To want to send my kids to private school even though I can’t afford it?

[Hollyivywillow]

Obviously I’m being hugely unreasonable!

I HATED school, especially secondary. I work in one now.

I am officially opposed to private schools. Yet I love the uniform and the grounds and the trips ...

It’s a crazy dream ...

[Encyclo]

I wouldn't worry about being the poor children at private school.

My son was definitely in the lower earning bracket at his private school and it was irrelevant. His best friend from school is loaded, so what? They could've met anywhere, both rugby players, now going to the same university.

Ds had a fantastic experience and while it was a struggle to pay the fees, we managed it. Really glad we gave him that opportunity.

[Davespecifico]

As Encyclo said,, don’t worry about bursary meaning they’re the poor kids.
I work in an excellent independent school and my daughter goes to another. No one would eve; know who the bursary children are. Perhaps that’s because we’re in the north and we’re not Eton or Marlborough.
Are your children very clever? If they are, then bursary could be an option.

[Earlybed]

The 2 biggest factors influencing a child's educational.attainment are a) parental income and b) maternal.qualifications. So if you are earning good wages and did well at school yourself then statistically your children will do very well in education wherever they go to school.

[JaniceBattersby]

I’m politically opposed to private education and I would never send my kids to a private school even if I was a millionaire.

BUT. I LOVE straw boaters and Mallory Towers and lacrosse and Hogwarts and midnight feasts and all that stuff.

[stucknoue]

I love the uniforms too! But don't dwell on it, or find a way to increase your income

[0DimSumMum0]

I think it depends on all of the additional expenses. It's not just about affording the fees, some of the uniforms can cost hundreds of pounds. I have two children who attend private school, albeit in a different country (so no choice for international) and it is just one open cheque book

[Sunflower20]

You should do it if you are thinking about it. My mum sent me to private school but we weren't well off or anything, you'd be surprised if you knew her wage. She just did a lot of budgeting.

[BadSun]

God, the uniforms are awful.

[Bouledeneige]

Most of the people I know who sent their kids private spent their lives paying lots of extra bills and driving their kids to school and back and to friends all the time. Terrible for the environment.

[prawnsword]

Also some people just want to live through their kids & want to enjoy an experiences they didn’t have the first time around. You went to school & work at a school & no need to obsess over schooling to such a point you are romanticising school uniforms & fancy grounds. this post is weird.

[prawnsword]

And I went to a private school & you could always tell the parents who were too over involved & always hanging around the school to get their socialisation in. Nobody needs to do canteen duties every week 😆

[Theresnobslikeshowbs]

Half of ds’s school looks like a stately home (science labs, PE halls, music and drama are desperate), decent grounds, they actually have nice blazers etc along with PE and games kits, so far ds’s friends have been skiing, to Newyork this year and ds is going to Canada soon- is that the type of thing you mean??

[yoursworried]

You are allowed to fantasise about whatever you like! If you were serious there are means such as bursaries but it is an expensive journey. My kids are at an international private school for free because I work there, but my god the cost of uniform, trips and added extras are something else!
Dream away, nothing wrong with wanting your kids to have great experiences

[Hollyivywillow]

Private school won’t be happening. Tbh even if I could afford it I’d probably struggle to justify the cost knowing it could also buy a house deposit or put them through university. Pipe dream!

[Mummadeeze]

My best friend went to a private girl’s school on a full scholarship and was a real fish out of water and barely made any friends the whole time she was there. Her background and life at home was so different to the other children there it was hard for her to fit in.

[Hollyivywillow]

Well, this is it - it’s precisely what I don’t want for them! No, they’ll have to go to the local school and suck it up! I console myself with the fact the local school is better than the one I attended!

[Beerincomechampagnetastes]

None of my dds friends who’re on bursaries are treated differently. Judgement like that would never happen at a good school with a good ethos.

[unlimiteddilutingjuice]

I get you OP. Its just a silly daydream.

I also have many reasons not to send a kid to private school. From the ideological (dont agree with it) to the practical (can't afford it).
But when DS was having academic trouble in his state school I did find myself googling..........influenced by the mumsnet chorus of "look into burseries, it can be done"

Well I did look into burseries and (at least where I live) they are all conditional on your kid being good at something, or particularly polished or interviewing well.

If the poor kid was acomplished enough to get help with private school, I'd have no reason to move him from state!
Its "not for the likes of us"

[Hollyivywillow]

No, maybe not, but I think they’d still know. Besides, they might not GET a bursary! They aren’t genius children or musical prodigies or anything

[milliefiori]

YANBU. I hated secondary too. And my DC are very happy in a very academic school which is the kind I dreamed of going to as a child. But honestly, the stupid hats and stripy blazers are not what it;s all about. If you pick a school on that basis, there's no guarantee it will be any better than the nearest state school.

imo the only value of private edication is you get to choose the school that suits your DC. The one with the right emphasis on sports/arts/academia, the right discipline and ethos, from laid back to super strict.

In your position, I;d take a look at local private schools and if there;s one you really love, get yoru DC to work hard at everything they can - from school work to any any extra curricular they enjoy and then apply for a bursary. Some private schools will give very very heavily subsidised bursaries, especially to bright children or ones who excel at county level sport. Our school has about 20% of all places heavily subsidised.

[Hollyivywillow]

Seriously, it won’t be happening. There aren’t an awful lot of private schools where I live in any case. It’s probably an extension of the dream where you have unlimited funds!

[DisneyMadeMeDoIt]

I know what you mean OP
I hated school. My best (and only) friend in Yr6 went to the gorgeous local private school whilst I was stuck at the notoriously rough comp.
I was REALLY bright and my DM was even approached about full scholarship- but my parents were SOLIDLY working class people and it was a world they didn’t want to enter!

DH and I are now in an off situation where we earn approx £100k between us (probably closer to £125k by time DC go to secondary - but after student/pension/Vat/Ni it’s just about enough to live comfortably in a 4/5 bed home In our area.

It would be VERY tight to send 1DC to private school and impossible to send 2. But we wouldn’t qualify for ‘bursary’ due to our earnings. So unless we want to move our family to a 2 bed flat in order to pay for school - it’s not going to happen

[Hollyivywillow]

That must be hard, really. We earn closer to 70k between us and so not gonna happen!

[Whattodoabout]

YABU.

My DH’s parents did this. Between them they earned around 80k which isn’t so insubstantial in the North. They would have lived comfortably had they not sent DH and his sister to private school. It set them back around 40k a year so half of their salary. They went to highly prestigious private schools, perhaps some are cheaper. Anyway, DH couldn’t go on most school trips and didn’t have the latest technology or fancy designer clothing because his parents plainly couldn’t afford it on top of school fees. Had he just gone to state school, he’d have had all of those things and wouldn’t have been known as ‘the poor kid’ (quite the opposite in fact). His peers were rich and often quite snobby, he always felt he didn’t fit in and couldn’t keep up with the Joneses so to speak.

He did well in his exams but he’s pretty clever so same would’ve happened in state school. He didn’t really gain much from private school and has told his parents they shouldn’t have bothered skinting themselves for it. Some weeks they ate beans on toast every night, this was a middle class family with an income of 80k in the 90s ffs. Unnecessary, no idea why they did it.

[Ibop7]

My daughter was in a private primary school and it is all Very nice , smaller school and class , the atmosphere is calm but the building is vibrant , the communication is fantastic, the staff very friendly and of course can’t do enough to please you . She now is in a Grammar school and the reason being is that The drive and results are that bit better than private senior schools .
You have to really think about the reasons you want your children on a private school because all though the day to day life is lovely please don’t think you’re paying for a superior education because that’s not the case and children will can achieve just as well in a nice states school.