To want to send my kids to private school even though I can’t afford it?

[Hollyivywillow]

Obviously I’m being hugely unreasonable!

I HATED school, especially secondary. I work in one now.

I am officially opposed to private schools. Yet I love the uniform and the grounds and the trips ...

It’s a crazy dream ...

[Waxonwaxoff0]

YABU. I'd never send mine to private even if I had the money. Completely disagree with them.

[Waxonwaxoff0]

Besides, state schools do bloody decent trips nowadays. DS's primary does a Chinese exchange! And a family member has been to New York and Tanzania with his state school. When I was at school we got a trip to a theme park.

[HappyDinosaur]

I went to private school and hated it, I would never send my child to one as long as there was a suitable alternative. I appreciate that my parents felt it was best for me, but honestly looking back I can't quite believe what it was like. The sense of entitlement and self importance it instilled in those with the most money was unreal. I'm sure not all schools are the same, but it has very much put me off.

[AthollPlace]

I’d love to send my DC to private school. It’s not about the education. Private schools are selective so the problem kids are removed, meaning less disruption and a nicer experience with kids who actually want to learn. And by definition the kids have involved parents who care about their education and behaviour. Plus they’re more likely to meet friends who can give them a leg up. I just think it would be a more pleasant environment with less chance of the sort of bullying that’s rife in state schools. Of course I can’t afford it 😩

[NationMcKinley]

@Athollplace - did you go to a private school yourself? I did and I can very much assure you that the “problem” children were still very much still there. They may have been a bit more subtle but they absolutely hadn’t been selected out. I loathed my private school as did a lot of my friends. I was also pretty nastily bullied for quite a while which was throughly ignored. My eldest DC goes to a local comp with a fairly ropey OFSTED. He had some issues with an older child and my God did the school swing into action. It was brilliant.

I know these are just two examples but I think it’s important to stress that in ALL walks of life, both at school and after, we’re going to meet tricky characters.

[AthollPlace]

Athollplace - did you go to a private school yourself?
Nope. I went to a rough comprehensive filled with badly behaved deprived kids who were drinking and having sex before they were even teenagers. Every lesson was disrupted and I was bullied for wanting to learn. Lots of them became drug addicts or ended up in jail. I’d much prefer my DC to have a pleasant school experience with nice kids who are likely to be successful in life, and hopefully meet some decent people and be able to make friends.

[yoursworried]

I agree with @Athollplace to a degree. I'm a secondary teacher and have worked 6 years in a supposedly good state school and 6 years in 2 different independent schools. First indie was non selective but it was so much better because disruption is minimal. Private school problem kids are a million miles away from the worst kind of disruption you get in state schools - even good ones. The atmosphere is easier to learn in but I agree that you won't necessarily get a better teacher.
I will be trying to use private school for my 2 DC for secondary and I don't care a jot what anyone else thinks - I know schools from the inside and I know where I want my children.

[AthollPlace]

I will be trying to use private school for my 2 DC for secondary
Private secondary is the most important. At primary school the kids aren’t old enough for real trouble like sex, drink and drugs. They don’t really bully to an extreme either - their physical strength and access to social media is limited, and parents pick them up at the gate and arrange playdates so there’s not really much bullying outside of school. They’re still mostly in the “let’s all be friends” stage. Most of the kids who commit suicide through bullying are teens, so that’s the vital time to separate them from the problem kids in state schools, either by home educating or sending them to private secondary school.

[BadSun]

AthollPlace

I get that you had a bad experience at a bad state school, but I think you have a romanticised view of private schools.

At mine there were plenty of people having sex, a LOT of drug-taking, and a lot of bullying. I would say a "decent" state school, rather than a rough inner-city one like you described, is not that different to a private school in those regards. So if those are the main reasons to want to send your child to private school, it probably isn't worth the money.

[Hollyivywillow]

I’d agree.

It’s difficult, though, when you’ve had a bad experience yourself

[ferretface]

Bursaries aren't that easy to come by depending on the school. My parents were on quite a low income and I didn't qualify for one based on my entrance exam although I know there were students at the school who did. Hard to tell if they were purely based on means or a combination of means/merit. It probably varies by school.

I did get a scholarship/bursary for sixth form but my parents had to request it because they were struggling with the fees. And I had straight A* at GCSE and got one of those letters saying you were in the top 5 in the country for a subject. It wasn't a full scholarship either! Maybe the school was tight...It wasn't a really posh private school, there were definitely people there with money but it wasn't straw boaters and lacrosse etc.

Private school definitely opened up a lot of opportunities to me that wouldn't have been available at a state school - I did more than the usual number of A levels because they were willing to be flexible with class timetables and I was also funded to study in the States for a year as a kind of gap year. So it was definitely a very good experience for me but my parents really had to graft to make it happen and the fees really put them under a lot of financial pressure for a number of years.

[DisneyMadeMeDoIt]

My understanding of Bursaries and ‘means testing’ (sorry should have included this in my first comment). Is that it works very well for those on low income/benefits and does make private education accessible.

However, if you and your partner are earning a ‘decent’ wage - (£40-50K+ combined) and own a decent family home/cars...etc yes you may have nothing spare at the end of the month but they would consider your lifestyle a choice! If you ‘could’ downgrade to a 2 bed flat/cheaper cars and manage the fees then they’ll expect you to do that!

In my (limited) experience private education is ‘accessible’ to high earners and low earners but not easy for middle earners!

^ I would LOVE to know if this is different at different schools