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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to stop a bolter (child)

33 replies

Brexitstash · 23/10/2019 17:28

Just turned 4 DS keeps running off. He ran out of a shop this morning and was halfway towards a busy road before he stopped, later this afternoon he merrily skipped into the road part of a carpark without looking. As soon as I look away he's off, no SEN, just lots of energy and no sense.

I've told him that he's going to have to wear his backpack reins if this doesn't stop, he's obviously very against this, I'm very pregnant and he's faster than me.
AIBU to ask for any strategies to stop this before he's run over? Help!

OP posts:
NegroniOnIce · 23/10/2019 17:29

Put the reins on. Who's in charge - you or him?

FriedasCarLoad · 23/10/2019 17:30

I think you need to follow through on your threat of the reins.

Maybe someone else might have a better idea...?

FlibbertyGiblets · 23/10/2019 17:30

Reins. No brainer.

LucileDuplessis · 23/10/2019 17:31

Tell him that every time he runs off, he has to spend the rest of that journey on reins or holding your hand. Remind him of this rule at the beginning of each time. Follow through if necessary. Every time.

IncludingHattie · 23/10/2019 17:33

Wrist strap. My twins wore them until they were 5 because I couldn't trust them not to bolt in opposite directions.

summersherewishiwasnt · 23/10/2019 17:34

Use reins, it is not worth the risk.
When leaving the house or car telling him he has to hold your hand, if he refuses or wiggles out (like mine used to) tell him he will wear the reins. No second chances. You have to do it, under circumstances must you cave in, he will have the upper hand, empty threats are not helpful. He needs boundaries.

CMOTDibbler · 23/10/2019 17:34

Reins. Everytime. You could then negotiate holding a piece of ribbon you are holding / have on your wrist but have the reins in your pocket and as soon as he doesn't comply with that he is back on the reins

Venger · 23/10/2019 17:36

Another saying reins. Carry them with you, one warning and then on go the reins. He'll soon get the idea, one of mine was a bolter and after a while just the threat of the reins was enough to keep him next to me.

DaphneFanshaw · 23/10/2019 17:37

Reins. If he doesn't want to wear them he will soon learn that in order to walk with out them he has to stop bolting.
I think at his age he will probably pick it up pretty quickly.

itsgettingweird · 23/10/2019 17:37

Definitely wrist strap. Then he holds hands with it on. When you need to let go to do stuff if he bolts he's only got a meter or so!

heatingsoup · 23/10/2019 17:37

Reins or pushchair. You can't reason with 4 year olds!

mencken · 23/10/2019 17:38

reins on. Tantrum infinitely preferable to flattened by a car.

MrsPear · 23/10/2019 17:41

Put the reins back on until he learns. Ds2 was awful and dangerous - I even marched him to school one week wearing them - his reception teacher was shocked. I said you wait until the school trip and then she saw my point. He just never thought and ran everywhere. He couldn’t just walk or stand still. He is now 6 and the reins have not been out since reception - although I have pulled them out a couple of times - and he now stops at road sides without me barking and doesn’t just wander off. I’m starting to trust him too. It has been slog but there is light.

mbosnz · 23/10/2019 17:47

Reins on. Tantrum infinitely preferable to injury or death.

I had one in my purse until my daughter was six, she was a bolter, and I could stop her in her tracks, just by yelling 'reins'!

MythicalBiologicalFennel · 23/10/2019 17:47

We used reins very occassionally.

What changed things with DD was getting a scooter. She was thrilled and super excited. I would give strict instructions - stop at the corner, wait for me by the white car etc. - and she was told that if she didn't listen we would go back home. She got lots of praise when she obeyed and if she didn't we followed through and returned home. Every time. A few times it meant she got about 20 seconds on the scooter - she soon learned to listen and do as she was told.

I had to get on top of the bolting as I was pregnant so I couldn't afford for her to mess about.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 17:49

Get the reins or the wrist strap on him. You’re the parent, who cares if he is against it?

Original poster
Brexitstash · 23/10/2019 17:51

Thanks all. His backpack reins have been retrieved from the shed.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 23/10/2019 17:55

My second son was like this, very, very stressful.

Reins on and absolutely no messing about, put them really tight and close to you.

When DS said he looked like a baby with them on, I told him he would just have to put up with it as I couldn't trust him.

It actually only took a couple of times for him to get the message and he asked to be trusted.

Self interest got him to change his ways.
He was as bright as a button and got the message.

You don't need this stress pregnant or with a new baby.

Drabarni · 23/10/2019 17:56

Reins, my runner had no choice.

GruciusMalfoy · 23/10/2019 17:59

I've been there, it's hell. There's nothing wrong with reins in this situation.

asnugglysnerd · 23/10/2019 20:58

Reins. Without a doubt. It's dangerous and until he learns, he can't be trusted.

Comefromaway · 23/10/2019 21:02

Reins. Twice my Dd scared us so then it was reins, no arguments. One time he ran out of a shop. We were on the upper floor so o hadn’t realised there was an exit leading to two level car park.

The 2nd time my mum had him hectsn out of Tesco straight into the path of an oncoming car. Another shopper yanked him back by the hood of his coat or he’d have been run over.

solittletime · 23/10/2019 21:05

Reins . Had same issue with one of my DC.
Ignore the loud stage whisper comment at playgroup " I'd never use reins it's like keeping a dog on a leash " . ( yes that actually happened!) My dc preferred the strap you out round a wrist but if you are pregnant proper reins much better. Put them on matter of factly while getting ready to leave the house / car while chatting loudly about what exciting event will happen on your outing

Petrichor11 · 23/10/2019 21:05

Reins. They need to be non-negotiable.

It’s a safety thing. If he bolts in the wrong direction at the wrong time he could end up getting seriously injured, run over, anything, in a split second.

TheVanguardSix · 23/10/2019 21:07

I'm so glad you got the reins out. You're pregnant. Needs must.
Safety first.
My eldest was like this, especially between 3-4. I had a fair few heart attacks along the way. He's 17 now and I can't even pay him to pick up the pace. He takes life slow and easy now. Grin
Your LO's safety and your serenity are of utmost importance here!