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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP and social media

8 replies

highlowchicalow · 23/10/2019 13:51

I realise I'm probably going to get some stick for this but I'd like to see what other think Confused I'm not overly concerned but do find it a bit strange.

DP has always said he finds it disrespectful liking opposite gender pictures etc on social media so has never done it (I don't agree but since he finds it disrespectful, have never done it either).

It got brought up in conversation a while ago, and he said he doesn't really care anymore.

I've since come to find (I haven't purposely gone out of my way to find this) that he has been liking a fair amount of this one woman's Facebook posts and pictures. No one else's. He also follows this woman and only this woman on Instagram. He doesn't even follow his family or friends on Instagram and has actually once before asked me to unfollow people on Instagram.

He knows this woman from a few years ago, apparently one of his friends ex's but has never been friends with her or spoken to her much.

Like I said, I'm not overly concerned, not even concerned at all really. But I do find it a bit odd and I am curious as to what he would say if I asked him, but I'm probably not going to.

Probably find it more odd since its not his usual behaviour and it's only come around since our DC arrived and our sex life has been a bit non existent Blush and he has "jokingly" made comments about understanding why men cheat when the topic of me not wanting to sleep with him has come up.

In all honestly I don't think he would cheat but I think he would show interest in another woman without actually acting on it if that makes sense.
Curious to see what others think!

OP posts:
highlowchicalow · 23/10/2019 13:55

Completely forgot to add! AIBU to think it's a bit odd and he may actually be interested in this woman considering all the cheating comments he's made?

I can't see why else he would be so interested in one specific woman after all this talk of such things being disrespectful Hmm

Like I said I don't find liking/following/being friends with people of the opposite sex on social media disrespectful so if he hadn't made such a point of him thinking it was I wouldn't bat an eyelid!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 23/10/2019 14:11

He sounds like a knob

He's not joking about sleeping with other women if you don't have sex with him. Its such a disrespectful comment.

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/10/2019 14:15

He sounds like a twat to be honest. And a hypocritical twat at that. I’d not be putting up with it and I’d be telling him that I’ll “friend” whoever I want in social media (and in real life) and if his insecure, possessive ass can’t hack that, he knows where the door is.

And his “jokey” comments about your sex life and cheating are a test: he’s working out at what point you’ll realise he’s actually being serious and start trying to win him back with more sex so that he doesn’t stray.

flyingspaghettimonster · 23/10/2019 14:20

Big red flags for me. He probably isn't chesting, but you are definitely not giving him what he wants so he is at least fantasizing about anotber woman, and the fact he knows her in real life makes it seem likely that he would consider chesting given ooportunity. I'd bring it up personally.

mumofthemonsters808 · 23/10/2019 14:29

I'm with you OP, its just very odd,strange behaviour, but people do behave weird on social media. Your partner seems to have some interest in this woman, but I don't know if it means anything. I have a situation where a horrible ex, is now friends with my best mate, I cant even remember them coming into contact much and I cant be arsed to ask any questions, but she wont stop babbling on about him.

Doormat247 · 23/10/2019 14:38

My ex did similar - I brought it up and he went mad, saying I was pathetic, ridiculous and neurotic. He eventually admitted she was an ex 'fuck buddy' after lying that he knew her from school. I then went on to find call records between the two of them at weird times of night etc.
He did it again with someone he didn't really know and I found Instagram messages to her telling her how pretty and lovely she was - she never replied Grin.

My ex also didn't really use Instagram before these incidents - he didn't follow family etc and he didn't even follow ME!!
So, yes, I'd completely agree that what your DP is doing is out of order and very odd behaviour. It may just be a daft crush but be aware he may escalate into contacting her via instant messaging etc.
If you confront him and he flies off the handle, you'll know you've caught him up to know good.

Doormat247 · 23/10/2019 14:38

Bloody autocorrect. No good, not know good Hmm

GettingABitDesperateNow · 23/10/2019 14:47

I think you're being a bit naive not to be concerned by this OP. He sounds like a twat as well -
Pressuring you for sex by making comments that he can pass off as jokes
Policing your social media usage
Are not signs of a decent person

He has also been acting hypocritically and his behaviour is fairly extreme - he isn't following one lady in addition to his friends, hes only following one lady. That's not a casual like, it's more akin to stalking. Funny how he changed his mind about what's appropriate when he got in contact with her.

Do you really think if she started interacting back and suggested meeting, that he'd say no?

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