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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you know anyone who...

21 replies

HiiiPaigehere · 23/10/2019 07:20

Ended up shagging or in a relationship with the other wronged spouse after an affair?
So two people in relationships run off together and the two left behind hook up? Can it have a happy ending?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 23/10/2019 07:26

Happened to friends of my parents, it was all very awkward for mutual friends and, most importantly for the children. It felt very much like the ‘ones who were left behind’ were just accepting the ‘scraps from the table’ so to speak.

I suppose it could work, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

HiiiPaigehere · 23/10/2019 07:30

@Ragwort there's no children involved. Does that help?

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Fruityb · 23/10/2019 07:31

My auntie and Uncle 😊

SorrowfulMystery · 23/10/2019 07:38

Yes, but without the happy ending — it was a short-term, trauma-bonding thing, kept quite secret. One half confided in me, and I’ve never told anyone. She was ashamed of it afterwards, because she felt rather as Ragwort said — left behind/getting stuck with the scraps.

Rubychard · 23/10/2019 07:40

Happened to a friend of mine. And they lived happily ever after. Two thoroughly lovely people who absolutely deserve each other. Her ex however, was controlling and abusive......

Littlebearstrousers · 23/10/2019 07:40

I don't know anyone who has done this but I don't see why it couldn't work as long as they suited and had a connection other than the shared hurt, otherwise I imagine it would fizzle out quite quickly.

Ragwort · 23/10/2019 07:40

Are you considering it?

Probably slightly easier if no children involved, but imagine living in the same area and possibly bumping into the other couple?

Ohyesiam · 23/10/2019 07:47

Happened with my family and the family across the road. Suddenly we moved house and my New Daddy was the neighbour , and when I saw my dad he was married to neighbour’s wife.
It was an odd childhood, but both couples lasted till they died. Probably more due to tenacity than comparability.

HiiiPaigehere · 23/10/2019 07:55

It's a friend of mine. I'm a little concerned as she seems to have switched from texting ex-dh all the time to texting him all the time. I think she's forgotten that there's other men in the world and one month post-affair reveal is probably not the best time to get into another relationship. I'm also worried about his intentions, more to have one over on the man who is banging his wife rather than wanting to have a relationship. But I really hope I'm wrong.
I just wanted to hear some happy stories so I can feel that it might work out!

OP posts:
Duchessgummybuns · 23/10/2019 07:58

Someone I knew had an affair with her next door neighbour. They were found out, and the remaining spouses got together some time later. So confusing for the kids.

AragonsGirl · 23/10/2019 08:02

Happened to a school friend of mine. Dad has an affair with the neighbour, mum ended up getting together with the neighbours husband. As far as I know both couples are still together. There were children involved on both sides though and it certainly messed my friends head up for a while

BettyCrockaShit · 23/10/2019 08:04

Happened to my next door neighbours when I was a kid, with a couple over the road. Woman next door was having it away with the man over the road. When his wife found out, she dragged Woman Neighbour into the street by her hair(!) to 'settle the score'.

Woman Over the Road then moved Woman Neighbour's husband in about 2 weeks later, and... Neighbour Woman's Husband moved over the road. Essentially, they partner swapped.

Made for quite an...unusual sight seeing them carry their belongings over the road to their respective new houses!

CatsOnCatnip · 23/10/2019 08:06

Oh my god! I was literally just wondering this probably around the same time you posted. Probably because I’d just read a thread on cheating, but still, WEIRD!

Lanaa · 23/10/2019 08:08

Yes, happened with by best friend's parents. One couple still together 20+ yeas later. The ones who had the affair didn't last long.

BrieAndChilli · 23/10/2019 08:08

When I was in primary school our (male) teacher ran off with one of the mums. Then his wife and her husband got together. Was quite the scandal

SeaViewBliss · 23/10/2019 08:10

I know someone who ended up with her DHs OWs adult son.

northernknickers · 23/10/2019 08:13

YES! A guy I worked with! They were originally two separate couples who holidayed together for years before the affair began with two of them...they then did a COMPLETE swap! So original couple AA and couple BB became couple AB and couple BA if you see what I mean! Both couples had children...all very odd but seems to tick along ok now!

nonevernotever · 23/10/2019 08:13

Happened to colleagues too. Ones who had an affair and ran off together didn't last. The left behind pair got together later and were very happily married for twenty years until one died

RuggerHug · 23/10/2019 08:17

Didn't this happen to Shania Twain?

Inappropriatefemale · 23/10/2019 08:24

I don’t know if this is the same but my first stepfather was a total creep to my mother, he was shagging half of the local tarts and my mum worked in the local shop and heard about his shenanigans constantly, he also belittled her, hit her and financially abused her, they were together 13 years.

At Xmas one year then she had her work night out and met my now 2nd stepdad who is everything that the first one wasn’t and 24 years later they’re still together, she kicked him out, the bastard, when she started a relationship with my current stepdad and first stepdad lost about a stone in weight and went grey in a matter of weeks because he couldn’t believe that my mum finally got some strength about her and stood up for herself.

Fast forward to 3 years after he was flung out, he began a relationship with a woman that he had slept with behind my mum’s back and they had a daughter together, but she knew what he was like so every time he went to the pub she ‘d either demand to come or his stuff would be out in the front garden for him coming homeGrin

That’s what I call karma.

Btw both my stepdads have the same first name which is why, when my mother told me stepdad 2s name I thought she was winding me up!Grin

Funkyslippers · 23/10/2019 08:27

Rugger was just about to say the same

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