ExH wants child benefit included

[mathsmad1]

In the total sum of incomings to decide maintenance for once and do all. I said no. He's going bananas . Aibu ?I also receive benefits for childwith asd and he wants that included to . I feel guilty saying no. AIBU . Children will be with me 80+% of the time.we are hoping to avoid solicitors etc at the moment thanks

Of course he doesn't want to use a solicitor.
You go his way and you and kids lose out or you use a solicitor and things are done fairly (ish).
Be in control.

Thanks to all
Posters. He finally agree to 1k per month with no benefits whatsoever and a split for all the big expenses eg Christmas, education etc. I think that's been a fair result to be reviewed a year. Would this be considered a good outcome ?

I agree re going through the solicitor.

Whatever the rights and wrongs, the going bananas about it would show me that he's a twat.

mathsmad1 You seem to be ignoring all the PP’s who are telling you to go to a solicitor, this financial setup will only last a few months (if you’re lucky enough).

Thanks I've been to a solicitor.Rather than drag him and me through courts and a lot of legal bills,we have set this up and if it works, it works. If it doesn't I will be bringing it my solicitor.

Seriously, just go to a solicitors. They will sort it out and stop this stress.

@mathsmad1 are you confusing a solicitor with the court process?
I used a solicitor, the only thing that went to court was some paperwork to get its rubber stamp. Talking to a solicitor is not the same as dragging things through the court.

Do you believe you can trust him?
(answer: if you do you’re a fool, he’s already hiding money)

What you propose may or may not be a fair amount. None of us have your full financial disclosure.

He can agree this, then pay you NOTHING.
So then you’re going to find a solicitor?
When you’re already missing £1000 a month, when you need it to be paid NOW, and when you’re not longer sharing accommodation and bills so I’m guessing you won’t exactly have spare money to cover for his missing money.

You know that he won’t necessarily say “screw you, I was never intending to pay it”? He may say “I’m really sorry, business is down, I just don’t have it - I’ll pay extra next month” etc etc etc... are you going to the solicitor then?

What solicitor, by the way?
You have to find one.

And what do you actually expect them to do?
The court won’t enforce a private agreement, only one sealed by the court in a Consent Order.
So he stops paying and it’s ONLY the CMS amount you have any chance of getting. Trust me, CMS wheels grind slowly.

My XH and I agreed financials without a solicitor - in that, I proposed our asset split, and he agreed. Then I got my solicitor to add it to our Consent Order. There was nothing antagonistic about it. The solicitor fees were under £100s not £1000s for that part. Nobody got dragged into any courts.

By the way, that CO has to be prepared by a solicitor.

What are you doing about your split of assets?

I don’t understand your reluctance to speak to a solicitor on this. Do you fix everything on your own car? Fit your own tooth fillings?

Getting sound legal advice is NOT the same as dragging things through the courts.

Nobody can tell you if it’s a good outcome, without full financial disclosure and knowing your agreement on split of marital assets.

If he’s giving your £1000 a month but walking away with all the equity in your house - it couldn’t well be a very unfair and poor outcome.

... stormed off when I told him that the last thing I wanted was to pay for a forensic Accountant to trawl through our finances and those of his company.

Ha ha ha OP - that is of course the last thing HE wants :)
Please bite the bullet & pay a solicitor what you need to sort this out.

Why on earth are you feeling guilty?
This money he is hiding, & the benefits he is looking to leech off, are meant to provide for his children. He is actively trying to ensure that HIS CHILDREN are worse off than they need to be.

Buckle on your Superwoman belt, & get the solicitor to write a very strongly worded letter. Ensure it conveys that unless the matter is sorted & signed in X weeks, you will have no choice but to take the forensic accountant route.

What do you mean 'with no benefits whatsoever'?
Does he get the benefits?
If so then no, £1K is not fair.
He should be giving you nearly £800 per month.
Benefits on top of that will be more than £200 per month.
Don't fall for this OP.
Get the benefits in YOUR name.
YOU are the main carer.
Get CMS to sort out your maintenance payments from him.
You do not have to deal with him at all.

Thanks
Everyone . I get the benefits .i will
Talk again to solicitor to draw up order

How is he behaving over assets split? You said you earned the same I think - but do you have the same pension built up? Unlikely given that you have taken maternity leaves. Depends on your job history of course.

See your solicitor, they know more than randoms on the internet.

OP this is YOUR solicitor, right? Not "our solicitor", or "on your husband found for you" or "friend of the family"?

It is my solicitor yes .

Is he hiding money or is it a ‘running away fund’ like women on here are told to do?

Getting cash under the table and doing nixers on top
Of that