Sibling Presents...

[decisionsdecisions2]

Need to know if IABU or my family? Usually at Christmas, my siblings and I group together to buy for the other, so myself and sibling A, buy for sibling B and myself and sibling B buy for A etc.

This year I am SKINT. I have a DC that will make homemade stuff for the family and another DC on the way to pay for. I am minus money, but that's another story.

I mentioned to my siblings that I am sorry but I won't be able to participate this year but they will still get something lovely and meaningful from my DC but they have all completely shot me down because, this year, we were all going to get eachother a momento regarding our DM who passed last Xmas. Not cheap, would cost about £100 in total from me.

I feel bad letting people down but I just genuinely can't afford it. I could take out a loan for my share but AIBU in being hesitant to do this?

Don’t get into debt for this. If you can’t afford it then they need to accept this and stop making you feel guilty.
What would your DM have to say about this?

You are totally not being unreasonable..they are. I would imagine your mum would say the same too.I bet she would hate you to get into debt.I am sorry for your loss..life must be hard enough dealing with that without everything else going on and your siblings causing hassle too.You would be sensible to carry on as you planned.They should be helping you as any loving family would and they should also be all pulling together right now...there is far more important things than money and momentos....Like staying strong and united together and looking after each other...I would remind them of this fact.Best wishes sent.

If you don't have the money, you don't have the money and you shouldn't be made to feel bad for that. I would not advise taking out a loan, instead you could suggest to your siblings that you all could just delay the gift giving until it's affordable for everyone.

Thanks for the input, you're right. My mum wouldn't be pleased with them! It's tricky because my siblings are young, free and single and don't have children or much responsibility yet so don't really understand how I can be so skint.
I may suggest maybe next year...but with new baby on the way I can't make any guarantees. I feel guilty but what else can I do?! I'm not willing to sacrifice what little cash I do have for my child and my own life for a memento which I'm not too fussed about either way.

Just tell siblings A and B to buy each other a present and that now you have children all your money is for them. Now that they don't have to buy for you they have a little extra to spend on each other. You don't need a momento to remember DM, I'm sure you have photos and memories already.

Look after you and your growing family first ... no momento will ever replace how much you loved your mum and how much she loved you.You dont need anything to remind you of your mum I would imagine like when I lost my dad I kept him with me in my head and my heart ...15 years on its the same....Please don;t ever feel guilty for making a right decision and you are right. Bet your mum would also expect you to be pulling those siblings of yours back into line and putting them straight on her behalf too!!!

I have told my siblings not to buy me anything this Christmas as I am busy trying to de clutter, they accept this and one is gifting to a charIty on my behalf so you are not being unreasonable.