To think a perfume advert shouldn't feature choking?

[PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind]

Earlier on Twitter I came across a clip of Robert Pattinson's new advert for Dior. Part of a bigger ad campaign, huge marketing I think. He starts making out in a lift with a girl, all pretty hot really, but then starts putting his hand around her neck several times and is holding her, basically like the act of choking.

What. The. Fuck? In a perfume advert? I don't know if this is going to be on telly, but seriously, when the fuck did this become so normal?

Lots of comments on twitter along the lines of 'wish he would grab me round the neck like that' etc - do we really believe that women have always unconsciously loved to be choked during sex and its only this generation that have finally discovered it or something? And how come she never grabs him around the neck, why is it just the woman on the receiving end?

Clip is here:

Just another poncy perfume ad. Nobody thinks it's real.

I'm more interested in why women are not allowed to enjoy choking. Not my bag admittedly but to dismiss another woman's sexual preferences as 'letting the male media tell her what to do' has a fragrance all of its own. Eau de BS.

Some women fully consent to, and actively request, getting fucked in all sorts of ways. Examine the reasons why you think every single one of them must be acting under duress.

I used to know a dominatrix, very well paid. People like all sorts of things; being locked in a box, humiliated, cheese grater to the nadgers all sorts. Most of her clients were very fucked up. Weird, unpleasant childhoods to a man. It wasn't normal or healthy.

The difference seems to be that violent actions towards women are supposed to be normal and desirable and perfectly acceptable without prior request. Of course some women want to be beaten up or choked. I'd argue that they would probably be better off trying to work out why, than listening to all the choosey choice nonsense that EVERYTHING is normal and desirable.

Examine the reasons why you think every single one of them must be acting under duress

Now, where have I read something similar to that? Oh yes, the guild to sex for 13 yr olds, where young girls are told they need to examine the reasons why they won’t let males that work in health care, give them intimate examinations.

Very woke language.

Now, where have I read something similar to that? Oh yes, the guild to sex for 13 yr olds, where young girls are told they need to examine the reasons why they won’t let males that work in health care, give them intimate examinations

I've never heard of this publication, do you have the ISBN number please?
Are you suggesting that people shouldn't attempt to understand why they have the opinions, thoughts and feelings that they do? Should we not attempt to understand others? No good ever came from ignorance.

Very woke language

Is that supposed to be some sort of insult?

For your leisurely read. You should enjoy it, as you feel strangulation is perfectly healthy. This is what public normalisation of kink leads to, but I’m sure it’s just all peachy.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3701564-Anal-sex-for-13-year-olds-Warwickshire-again

I will cross anyone off my christmas list that supports this choking suggestiveness.

People need to vote with their feet and not fund anythig remotely suggestive of throttling, which this is.

If theres any chance your dd could have this done to her and die very easily as a result surely its not worth supporting?! Surely to god?

Women and girls are being chocked and throttled to death during sex and even suffering brain haemorrhages later on as a result.

There needs to be clarity around this so thats it very clearly a no! Why put young adults and children at risk of death by supporting companies that promote this kind of kink.

Not to mention how she is dressed compared to him.

Him - full suit and tie
Her - barely a jacket

Plus, what they are advertising isn't even featured in the ad.

I don't think bit looks like choking, just placement of his hands in an erotic situation.

It doesn't really matter how hard he is or isn't actually squeezing, a man putting a hand round a woman's neck like that is a specific and niche act. It's not the same as cupping her face while kissing.

I have never had a man do this to me. I have been with DH for 16 years and before that the lads I was with weren't soaked in violently flavoured porn.

Young people will see that as and think that putting your (male) hand round your partners (female) neck is a totally normal thing to do. And if you squeeze a little... We'll it's sexy innit, she'll love it... And if you squeeze a little more...she might stop breathing for a bit and girls like that, plus she will know who is boss... And if you squeeze a little more.......

People who enjoy choking as part of BDSM have always said how it is something very niche and requires a lot of trust within a consensual relationship. You always get it on these threads when the 'I love choking, me' brigade come out. Trust, consent. Not every encounter you might have with a stranger in a lift.

A hand around the neck is not a universal move that most women would enjoy in a sexual encounter. In fact a lot of women would hate it and be alarmed by it. So don't put it in a fucking perfume advert.

@PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind totally agree with your last post! I'm shocked this is being used in advertising. Plus it's not just briefly - he swaps hands and it's the majority of the clip. Definitely shouldn't be normalising this kind of thing. I'm normally an each to their own sort of person but this kind of thing concerns me, I have 2 sons and a daughter (all well under the age of sex at the moment) and I'd hate to think one day my sons will grow up and think this is normal and all girls enjoy it and I'd hate my daughter to think she should be ok with this and enjoy it.

He’s not chocking her at all. Some women like to be touched on the neck as it’s sensual. I know I do but I suppose you’ll say Im conditioned to think that way because it’s not the Feminist way

The advert is clearly skirting the boundaries of BDSM/consent and I think it’s grim, personally.

Just watched this through twice, in case I'd missed the choking the first time. I've actually been 'choked' violently by a man...it's horrific! This wasn't it 🤷‍♀️

My partner finds her neck being held/touched like that a big turn on

She hates choking, but this video isn't showing someone being choked

It’s all part of normalising an act that is very risky, even when done with active consent, an act during which women have died. Now men have started to cotton onto using it as a defence “but she really wanted it Your Honour, she loved the sexy choking, it was an accident.”

Young women are being essentially groomed by porn (either directly or through their partners) to think choking / rough sex / anal are all expected. Anything which normalises that message of “male hands round female necks are sexy and erotic” is treading dangerous ground. In and of itself it might not be worthy of too much censure but in today’s sexual climate, with young people increasingly likely to have seen fairly extreme sex acts presented as normal before they ever have sex for the first time, it needs to be considered as part of a wider picture that is actively putting women and girls at risk of serious harm.

Could it not be her fantasy rather than his? He gets in to lift, she looks at him and imagines him kissing her etc?
Also this looks nothing like choking imo

Also this looks nothing like choking imo

Hands round the throat looks like choking to me. It’s not exactly like it, because of the force involved, but nor is it just like stroking or caressing.

He’s not chocking her at all. Some women like to be touched on the neck as it’s sensual

He is not 'touching her neck'. He has his hand around her neck in a position that if he were to apply even a small amount of pressure he could obstruct her airway. The suggestion is there.

Could it not be her fantasy rather than his? He gets in to lift, she looks at him and imagines him kissing her etc?

So? That makes it even worse really because that sends the message that 'this is what women like'.

If a man ever held my throat in that way I would be really quite alarmed. I had been watching the clip thinking, Ooooh yes that is quite erotic and then suddenly his hand is around her neck and I was like WTF?!

I don't think it looks like choking either.

YANBU.

Pulp stroking the neck and placing an open hand across rhe larynx are two different things.

Since when has it been OK to sing about finishing with a facial, Stormzy? Don't reckon he means a dead sea mud pack.

I read all the comments before watching the video and was ready to say YABU - and then I watched it. WTAF - his hand is wrapped around her throat, it is quite disturbing.

YANBU