Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague

18 replies

Sunnylazyseal · 22/10/2019 18:11

Name-changed.

I have started a post-grad course at uni and I am a mature student. I am married and I have a child but at this point we are not sure we are going to be together.

I have this guy at the office, a couple of years older. Good looking guy mid 30, who obviously had lots of partners. I am trying to be friendly as with everyone else, but he behaves in a strange way. I can't get if that's flirt or not.

Apparently, he got the info that I'm married, but he also knows it's a bit of uncertainty for me. (I am not hiding it and disclosed that to another colleague).

So I was showing my watch to him and the other colleague he stroked my hand with his finger making remark about my skin. That was a bit.. Hmm. I gave him the watch and then he placed it back on my hand (not just gave it back). It was the other Hmm because I had no idea how to react other than "touch me again and I'll break your arm".

He was staying late in the office (might be the case for him every day) but when I was leaving he left with me and accompanied to the train station, saying he is living in that direction, again, might be just that.

The next day he casually touched my shoulder, again in a way you have no idea if that's the personal style or wtf do you want from me.

I was going to stay late and said I was going to get coffee. He joined me. Hmm book... But anyway, just two of us he could have been bored?

We had a chat, nothing special, past experience, relationships (his), plans.
He casually was asking what type of food I like, etc.
Then we walked backed and worked for another couple of hours. Again, when no one is there it's quite awkward just to silently sit and have no conversation.

Now I'm sick and I am working from home.

Overall, I don't think he's a serious person. Smart, handsome, but surely not a serious one and I don't want him to mess with my head.

He is very close to our boss and I don't want to mess either.
He is not approaching me online, although I have phones of other guys, he never tried to like any stuff on Instagram of ask for my phone number (last two weeks).

I just don't want to think about this things and let anyone mess with me. Please tell be I am BU and give me a "magic wedgie " to stay focused at work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnylazyseal · 22/10/2019 18:24

AIBU this is just in my head? Confused forgot the question

OP posts:
NormaBean · 22/10/2019 18:27

although I have phones of other guys

What does this bit mean?

So you feel like he is flirting but you’re not interested in him?

Perhaps drop into conversation that you’re not in the slightest bit interested in men at the moment due to your current relationship.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 22/10/2019 18:33

You're still married. Grow up.

ScreamingCosArgosHaveNoRavens · 22/10/2019 18:35

magic wedgie

What's a magic wedgie???

I suggest being calm and professional, changing the subject to something work-related if conversations become too personal. Physically keep your distance as far as you are able to.

You say there is 'uncertainty' about your marriage - don't discuss this in the workplace, as it may be taken the wrong way.

Original poster
Sunnylazyseal · 22/10/2019 18:39

Here and there we need to message each other and we exchanged with the phone numbers.

I did tell him I am bad at telling what is flirt and what is not, just in case hell continue I can play a complete fool.

But I'd rather keep it friendly and that's it. I don't want to be rude or take it somewhere it's going to be awkward for everyone (to say the least).

And I feel a bit crazy like that's just I am making this up for some reason. I don't know why.

OP posts:
Spied · 22/10/2019 18:42

Definitely not coming across as serious at all about your marriage. It's also a bit unprofessional telling colleagues about your personal feeling regarding your status.
My thoughts are he can see you are immature and would probably be up for a fling and he knows you wouldn't take too much persuasion.
It won't do much for your reputation or your self-esteem.

CSIblonde · 22/10/2019 18:43

He's heard you're unhappily married & is putting out feelers. Distance yourself & don't do coffee etc he sees that as interest.

Tableclothing · 22/10/2019 18:54

Lots of blokes view unhappily married women as up for a shag without commitment. He sounds like one of them. He'll give you loads of attention, make you feel special, then after you've had sex with him he'll disappear off into the ether saying he thinks you should work on your marriage, for your child's sake.

Original poster
Sunnylazyseal · 22/10/2019 18:56

54Tableclothing thank you!

That's what I need precisely!

OP posts:
Itsallgonewoowoo · 22/10/2019 18:58

Yeah, he wants a shag and thinks if you're unhappy he's got a chance.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 22/10/2019 19:02

Exactly what table says. I've known so many guys like this and he sees you as easy pray and perfect excuse to walk away. Dont fall for it, he will lay it on thick

Original poster
Sunnylazyseal · 22/10/2019 19:04

I have told one of my colleague the real state of things because they have been asking questions. Ans that's was a bit unpleasant. So after I explained they stopped.

OP posts:
I8toys · 22/10/2019 19:05

YABU - you're married.

Crabbitstick · 22/10/2019 19:09

You don’t really sound like you just want it to be professional- you sound like you’re hoping he is flirting. Why tell him your bad at spotting flirting??
Stay professional- regardless of situation in your marriage it’s messy to get involved with a colleague.

FavouriteSoul · 22/10/2019 19:12

Ignore his overtures. He thinks you're an unhappily married woman and therefore fair game. Don't be another notch on his belt for goodness sake.

Original poster
Sunnylazyseal · 22/10/2019 19:14

09Crabbitstick, no, absolutely. I don't want him to touch me, but first time I was shocked that badly I couldn't say anything.

He is very close to a person I should have good relationship with, that's the only reason I don't want to be rude. And I don't want to be like a weird one, while everyone is quite friendly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnylazyseal · 22/10/2019 19:21

I'm not desperate for man's attention. I have enough, honestly. Both me and my husband are talking to other people. It's messy, they don't know about it and they won't.

It's just a very deep crisis, we don't have any sexual relationship with my husband. I just didn't want them to ask regular family things while that's painful. But that's doesn't mean I am easy going person. I am serious about this kind of things and never ever will sleep with him. That's even isn't my concern.

I just want to get out of this smoothly. Not being weird.

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 22/10/2019 19:33

this sounds odd.
frankly you sound immature. you are playing with fire. step away from this man. he is not concerned about your welfare, just how he can use you. there is no need to be rude; just be professional. you are at work. do not talk to people there about your personal life.
you sound like a very young person, who is giving mixed signals.
be careful. use your intelligence. stay focussed. good luck.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page