My baby hates me

[WobblyMumzy]

Posting here for traffic I need help.

I have a one year old DD who wants nothing to do with me. If she is left alone with me she will crawl to the stairs and just sit and cry for her dad. She can keep this up all day and refuses to move past it.

It’s heartbreaking for me as I try so hard with her. I’m the one who teaches her new things, plays games with her and I try my best to make her happy.

The one thing I can’t do for her is carry her because I am disabled but until recently we have muddled along and managed together and now she is crawling, in theory it should be less of an issue. I can still cuddle her and pick her up so long as I am sat down.

Things have gotten so bad recently that she won’t let me comfort her at night time and is hysterical until my husband steps in and I’m now considering putting her in nursery for the day she is usually with me because the stress of having her crying all day for my husband is making me ill. I know putting her in nursery though is not going to solve the situation though and I’m at a loss as to what to do.

My husband is really supportive but the situation is putting a strain on us because he can’t even go upstairs without this extreme reaction and he can see my depression starting to return.

I know separation anxiety is normal but this seems to be on another level so I suppose I’m asking for advice because I’m really struggling😔

Aww OP I am so sorry you are going through this, do you know if your daughter is teething? I have gone through hell this weekend where my son wouldn't even let me pee without a hysterical melt down as his molars have started cutting. Usually pain or illness can exacerbate separation anxiety symptoms to an almost unbearable extent. An ear infection for example regresses both my toddlers to newborn level dependency.

I promise you that your sweet baby doesn't hate you, please don't convince yourself that you are failing your child or blame your disability for the current situation. I know it is harder said than done but this is genuinely likely to only be a phase, even if it is an exceptionally difficult one.

When I want to distract my boys I will often put youtube videos on for "Super simple songs". It's just nursery rhymes but I find that the cartoons and the singing can distract them enough that I can breathe and have a coffee and then we will sing along and dance together even if it's just clapping to the wheels on the bus.

Alternatively maybe you could get DH to sleep with one of her teddy's or a blanket so it smells like him and gives her some security through the day.

My DD was like this at this age although it was me she wanted all the time. She would scream if left with DH or grandparents or nursery. It wasn't because she hated anyone it was because she was just attached to one person. This is a stage many babies go through between 1 and 2 and it is just a stage your LO will get a little older and be able to bond with you as well, I think that hard though it is you just need to wait a while and things will come right.

I just wanted tell you that my daughter was like this. I didn't have any disabilities she just went through phases! It passed eventually but it was awful

She does not hate you, I don't even know you and I can guarantee that your little one year old baby does not hate her mummy.

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to reassure you your child most definitely will not be harbouring feelings of hate for you. She is obviously attached to her daddy but that doesn't reflect negatively on you or her love/need for you. I think it's pretty common for a young child to have a preference, it doesn't diminish how important your role in her life is.

My DS is 18 months now and only just starting to come out of a good 6 month run of wanting nothing to do with me and screaming for his dad at every opportunity (particularly in public where it made me feel like the worst mum alive)

Sounds cliche I know, but it really is a normal phase. You’re definitely not alone.

Chin up, I know it makes you feels like a total bag of shit while it’s happening but I promise she doesn’t hate you at all and it won’t last forever.

At that age kids are very self-serving. She wants to go to dad because he probably picks her up whereas you can’t. How often does he do it? As you can’t you and DP need to come to an agreement to reduce carrying / picking up otherwise this will just get worse. She needs to find other ways to settle - perhaps if your DH cuddles her on the floor or while sitting more often she will also come to you more for comfort.

She doesnt hate you! This is a really common thing that some children go through where they just randomly attach to one parent for a while... it happened to my friend with her son when he was a similar age and now days (hes 5 now) they are as close as can be.
They usually just snap out of it one day as though it never happened!
My son didn't do that with a particular parent... but he did go through a few months of screaming if either of us left the room... and then one day ws just fine with it and went back to normal!
Young children often have weird phases like this. Please try and not take it personally it's certainly not because they hate you.

Promise she doesn’t hate you - it’s just a phase. My little 1 year old is going through a daddy phase at the moment too I’m just waiting for it to pass!

It really is just a phase, painful though it is for you.
My DD was horrible to Daddy for a while, would refuse to accept him reading a bedtime story, would literally point at the door and ask him to leave. She is older now and mortified that she was ever mean to him.
They love each other very much, but he would admit it was a pretty upsetting thing to be on the receiving end of.

Thank you for your messages. My logic head knows it’s just a phase but it can feel so personal.

@grumpy my husband tries hard to not pick her up and carry her unless it’s absolutely necessary ie on stairs. Hopefully that message gets through to her soon.

This must be really hard for you OP do whatever you need to keep your spirits up. Do you have an interest or hobby you can work on sometimes to give you another focus, also can you get out with a friend for a break regularly. Being a mum is shit sometimes and you are doing great no matter what. But sometimes you might need to remember you are not just a mum having a tough time but also have other facets to you where things are easier for you and you can have some fun.

Ah your baby doesn't hate you. DH has two days off in the week with DD2 who has just turned 2 and quite often if I try to do things for her she screams and screams at me for daddy.
She follows him around like she's attached to him. If she gets into our bed she wants to snuggle against him on his pillow. It's difficult not to feel jealous sometimes but she does spend more time with him so it's reasonable that she's closer to him and I'm pleased they have a good bond.
Also I get a nice rest in the evenings when she is is shouting for him
Your baby definitely doesn't hate you OP and I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. It's only a phase and it won't last I promise

I'm going through this at the moment too. My 16mo always wants his dad not me. It's very disheartening especially as I work daytime and he does shifts so i have less time at home. When I am at home he doesn't want me at all. If DP is holding him and I get too close or I pick him up he pushes me away.

I always do bath story and bed if I'm home but last night he screamed and screamed for his dad and didn't want me there.

It's very upsetting but I'm glad to know I'm not the only one as I never had this with my other DC

This is so hard and my young son is going through this daddy phase. It feels rubbish because he won’t kiss me, cuddle me...if I go in for a cuddle he will push me away but he’s all over his Dad. It makes me feel like crap! I don’t know how to keep my spirits up about it