to wonder how you "reset" your life

[Asthickasfoginwinter]

I've done a few things of late I am not proud of.

And the root cause is just being unaware of things - not paying full attention and not being responsible.

No harm has come from it but I seem to have this habit of wandering from one thing to another. Never anything overly major but it causes me distress, anxiety and that never ending spiral of being overly aware, therefore making more mistakes - feeling worse for fucking up then having an i dont care attitude, making more mistakes... repeat repeat.

If you are hoping to never make mistakes then you are going to be disappointed!

The best you can hope for is to decrease the number by putting in place mitigating strategies.

What sort of mistakes do you make? Is it primarily forgetting to do things?

Forgetting things. Overspending. Drinking too much which resulted in red wine being knocked over down a white wall.

I just feel like I am a bit gung ho when everyone else seems to be so together.

Like I say, mostly harmless things but things that can be avoided I think

I feel just shit and that I ought to be more responsible.

Don't beat yourself up for this. Just learn from it. See your mistakes in the positive as you say, no harm done, so they will be what keeps you from doing similar or worse in the future.

I just feel so stupid, low and alone.

hmmm that sounds more like you have a 'beating yourselfup' problem than a making mistakes problem.

My DH is a bit like this. Any time he knocks something over, or forgets something or can't solve a stupid maths problem he heard on the radio he gets in a total strop about how his 'mind is going'. I used to be the same, but the guy who fixed my depression up for me also pointed out that the only thing dumber than making mistakes is imagining you can get through life without making them...and then beating yourself up for being human.

I genuinely don't fuss now. I'm think 'how would I feel if someone else screwed this up in this way?' Usually I'd be thinking - well I'm glad it wasn't me and smiling. So just move on really.

That's a very clever way of looking at it.

Yes, I struggle to move on from "mistakes" that I make and mentally make myself pay for them.

I've been mentally beating myself up since I was a young teen.
A dear friend told me "the harshness with which you treat yourself is painful to see" and "we have to parent ourselves, as it were, with extraordinary kindness", which I suggest to you, with my best wishes.