Tiredness Olympics

[Oysterbabe]

DH and I had a disagreement this morning about the kids and who should be dealing with night wake ups. They’re going through a spell of not sleeping well.

DD(3) wakes up and needs attention during the night I would say about 2 nights in 5. She sleeps through the rest of the time.
DS(1) wakes up either once or twice every night.
I deal with all DS wake ups because I’m still breastfeeding.
DH deals with DD maybe 25% of the time, I deal with her the rest of the time.
It means that last night I got up to DS at 1am, DD at 2:30am, DS again at 4am and then I got up for the day with DS at 6.
We both work. I’m out of the house 7:30 – 6 and DH 9-6.
When DH gets up to DD she goes back to sleep really quickly but DH is a terrible sleeper so he can’t then get back to sleep for ages (he claims hours).
When I get up to DD she plays me up for a while, asking for loads of stuff, but does settle down again after not too long, just longer than if DH did it. I then have no problem getting straight back to sleep.
DH seems to think that I should deal with all wakes ups by both kids because if he does any he’ll get very little sleep because he is bad at sleeping.
I think that he should deal with all DD wake ups while I continue with all DS wake ups, him being bad at sleep isn’t my problem and if anything he should have to do the wakes ups as punishment for them having inherited his bad sleep genes.

Help settle this for us.

YABU – you should do all wake ups
YANBU – he should do all DD wake ups

I choose to interpret silence as IANBU

You should both be looking after your kids and each other.

DH seems to think that I should deal with all wakes ups by both kids because if he does any he’ll get very little sleep because he is bad at sleeping.

Can he hear himself? I'm the same as your DH, I find it really hard to get back to sleep. But I did all the night wakings for two years because DD was BF.

He can do DD, two nights out of five isn't bad even if he doesn't get a lot of sleep.

YANBU... although I did kinda fall asleep a little bit reading this.

You're both working so you have the share the responsibilities. He needs to figure out a way of getting back to sleep.

If your up with DS anyway and then DD wakes up then surely you can take care of her too (although may be difficult if breastfeeding?) but if they are waking up at different times during the night then he needs to do his share.

I think you need a bit more flexibility. For example, could you take it in turns to be undisturbed (would DS take a bottle) Would it work for DH to share a room with DD for a while?

Simply X does this and Y does that is rarely a solution. In our household, I did all wake ups (BFing, lighter sleeper etc) but I got all lie ins (DH is an early bird).

Oh, and ‘this too shall pass’

YANBU! If you are working longer hours than he is/out of the house for longer, then it is entirely reasonable to expect more support with night wake-ups. Some women would expect their DP to handle half of all the night wake-ups in this situation. Just saying.

Expecting him to share the burden of broken sleep a couple of nights per week is totally reasonable. My DP did and he is a bad sleeper who stresses about it although unless he snores when he’s awake, he doesn’t always take an hour to get back to sleep as claimed.

We had similar and my DH made me an offer to give me evenings off and weekend naps as needed. So he cooks our dinner and I got lie ins and after lunch naps to catch up. I was happy with that!

Is there something else that you’d trade for the night waking?