Is this weird or am I over thinking?

[Bumblebee1115]

Posting here for traffic.

Basically I don’t have a relationship with my biological dad, never have but I know what he looks like etc. I’ve seen photos of him both on Facebook and local news pages etc. He seems like a big part of the community he lives in. He lives about half hour away from my hometown and 10 minutes away from where I’ve lived for several years and never really crossed paths but.

A few times it’s been close. Once I spent the whole day out with my mum. 5 minutes after I decided to go home with my DC (she stayed on) she bumped into him. Close call..

Another time we went out for some food. Him and his family (I presume) pulled up, nearly hit our car, didn’t, so we drove off. I didn’t realise it was him at first but did as we drove off.

despite that I’ve never had a relationship with my father I know my half sister from him as children (he was a bit of a womanizer 🤣). One Christmas I dropped off a gift to her, got in the car and as we pulled out the road my mum said my dad drive by (presumably to see my half sister)

There’s been a few other similar instances. I just thought maybe it’s not meant to be..

Today... went for an eye test in town. My app was ridiculously late and took a while as she did some extra tests she wouldn’t normally so I left the opticians about 25 minutes later than I should have... as I walked out and up the road there he is walking down the road (I think this is the closest I’ve ever been to him and I’m pretty sure he would know it’s me because I look the image of our half sister) but all I could do is look down. I looked back as he went by and he went into the opticians!! If I was 30 seconds later coming out we may have had an even closer encounter.. or even seen each other in there.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is but I feel spun out about it and need to talk about it. I couldn’t tell my mum. She clams up every time someone mentions him and my partner would just say that I should have said something. 🤨 I’m Wishing I was a bit later in the opticians as I’ve known for a long time I want to meet him but also now wishing my app was on time so I would have been none the wiser. Even worse my eye test was originally next week but managed to get a cancellation app today.

I just can’t help feel like it’s not meant to be! Maybe we are always meant to cross paths but never actually meet!

Does he know about you?

Hmm.

Could I ask please - would it greatly distress your mother if you spoke to him or try to connect with him? Is that partly what is holding you back from connecting?

Or are you afraid of connecting with him because of the understandable emotion it would involve?

In short, you may cross path loads, but whether you are destined to "meet" or not depends on whether you're up for breaking the ice and approaching him.

Thank you. I’ve had contact with him once. I messaged him once a few years ago. My mother did a great job bringing me up but I have had suspicions she made it difficult for him to see me (after her reaction When I spilt with DS’s dad and telling me to cut all contact when there was no reason to). I messaged him to ask if he wanted to see me or couldn’t because of my mum (I know how difficult she can be at time), I was having a hard time with my mum at the time and a hard time wondering why he was a great dad to his other kids (it seemed) but not me and I was confused. He told me that he wasn’t ruling out ever meeting me but he said that at that point he didn’t want to upset his teenage children (whom I assume didn’t know about me, not sure if they do now). I get that he wanted to protect his children but I felt a bit rejected so I didn’t bother replying and left it at that.

My partner tells me to leave it be. If he wanted to know me, he would but I felt like I’ve had no closure.

My mum isn’t the easiest person to talk to about it.

It just spins me out how close I was to meeting him. What if we were in the opticians at the same time? I’m not sure what I would do.

He definitely knows about me. Me and my mum were engaged to get married when he was playing another woman around (my half sisters mum). Neither ladies stayed with him. She seen him at times (not consistently) and I didn’t. He is married with children. He also told my mum he had another child when he was a teen. It upsets me that I might not ever know If this person is a male or female or we will ever meet! It’s the unknown!