Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give advice on friend's relationship?

5 replies

billynomark · 22/10/2019 10:30

So one of my closest friends has been divorced for several years. She had quite a controlling husband, and when she finally moved out she really did well at establishing herself as an independent woman (she's in her early 60's so this was a huge life change). Anyway she's been really busy, taken up various different hobbies, and seemed really happy in her new life.

About a year ago she started making noises about dating, quite a few of our friends have moved on with new relationships and I think she felt ready to move on. She met a man through a shared hobby and started to date him, but we were quite shocked at the speed at which things progressed. She seemed to go from having a couple of dates to staying over at his place for days within only a few weeks. Anyway it ended as quickly as it started, as he began trying to stop her from seeing friends, talking her out of doing some hobbies, wanting her to be with him all the time, and she felt suffocated. Thought that was the end of it.

Anyway she has been on a couple of dates since that haven't led to much, and recently announced that she's seeing this man again. She said she was going to be be careful and not let him dictate to her, yet he's already started doing exactly the same as before and she's putting up with it! She knows what we (myself and her other close friends) think of him, but do we just step back now and let her get on with it? After the marriage she had I would hate for her to end up back in the same situation, being controlled by someone and losing her independence.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 22/10/2019 10:57

Have you recommended the freedom programme to her? All you can do is be there for her, and listen.

billynomark · 22/10/2019 11:56

Is the freedom program something she can look at online? I just can't believe she's seeing him again after last time, he was really charming etc but also obsessive and weird.

OP posts:
EileenAlanna · 22/10/2019 12:16

Could you agree a system with her of sounding the "alarm" over any behaviour you notice/hear that she agrees is controlling from her own extensive past experience? A word or phrase that you'll use that means you both stop & have a look at it calmly & rationally, no drama, defensiveness etc? She's about my age & if I'd the slightest interest in any more relationships, which I don't, I think that would work for me.

Shoxfordian · 22/10/2019 12:40

Yeah I think there's an online version
Have a google
Buy her a copy of why does he do that by lundy bancroft as well

grandmatakemehomeee · 22/10/2019 12:45

I would step back tbh. People do what they want to do when it comes to relationships and anything anyone else says doesn't matter. Currently going through this with a "friend" of mine. You've all told her what you think and advised her.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.