AIBU to ask for my photo back?

[cookiefudgemum]

I am a first time poster but follow the great advice and wisdom of Mumsnet on many topics! I ask you to ponder my problem and share your thoughts. I know the form is not to drip feed so sorry it is long but here goes:

Divorced and separated three years ago. Thought it was amicable-ish, but this seems to have dissolved over the years. Key points are: son just graduated from uni this year, XH couldn’t decide if he was going to go to graduation . He has visited DS once in the three years he has been at uni. XH has a new partner who doesn’t like him being away from home . He lives the same distance as I do away from DS and I can visit there and back in a day.

Cut to graduation and XH decides to go. He doesn’t know any of DS’s friends as he has made no effort in the last 3 years. XH gave me an ultimatum about seeing DS on his graduation day as “you get to see him more and he lives with you, so I should see him more on his graduation day”. (I should point out that DS comes home here as he feels comfortable and has a bedroom, XH bought house with new partner with bedrooms for her children but not DS.) I sent a suitable response back to XH! DS had the most wonderful day with his friends, and I was with his friends parents. XH stood to one side not joining in - which made it awkward for DS in places. Thankfully he did not spoil the day and went as soon as ceremony was over.

I paid for the typical graduation photo for DS, one big photo and two little ones. Asked DS if he would like to give one to his dad (I felt sorry…again…for him). DS though this would be nice, asked his dad who said yes, however DS was not at home when they arrived so I sent photo. No response from XH so sent him a text asking if he had received it. His response back was “…I do not want to be continually bothered by you…stop intruding…” no thank you or acknowledgement it had been received.

I want to make this clear – all I asked was if he received the photo. I should also point out this text was the second communication I had sent him in the last 22 months, the other one being about the graduation). I responded back asking him if he meant to be so rude (I’ve always wanted to use that phrase, so thanks Mumsnet!) and said I thought it was a nice gesture, but if he didn’t want the photo to send it back. His response was to tell me to F* OFF and that he has now blocked me on everything!

I know this seems petty but I am sad about all this and also really, really cross. AIBU to send him a stamped addressed envelope and ask for the photo back, and to keep bothering him until he either says thank you or sends it back?

Sounds like a dickhead! Definitely maintain the moral high ground with a glittery Xmas card!

It's done. Forget it.

Your son wanted him to have a photo. You done it for your son not your ex. Just keep repeating that to yourself.

Wow, yes he is a prize nitwit! (I substituted what I really wanted to say! 😂😂)

What a bugger! He's alienated himself, cut himself out, no doubt with liberal encouragement from the new wife if they bought a house with no room for your son, but still doesn't like it when he feels what he's done. And even the slightest peep from you, however kind, is intolerable.

I'm so sorry. His behaviour is beyond aggravating, but all you can do is to shield your son from it as much as you can, and it sounds like you do sterling work with this, which will be of huge benefit to your son. Biting your tongue is what's needed here, and you're doing it, so well done.

Yes, as there'snobisiness said, your son wanted to give him one. Let your son feel he has been able to be like others and for his dad to have a photo of his graduation. Don't rise to the ex.

You are the grown up here. The only adult. But your son is on the way and I'm sure really appreciates your approach, and loves you very much for it. Be that great mum that you are (and ... the ex! What a sad idiot! Has lost so much 😥).

Now ds has graduated you have no reason to have anything to do with him ever again (ok maybe a wedding)
High moral ground.

Genuinely, thank you for all your thoughts...it is as expected.

I will continue to support my DS in whichever way he wishes and not contact XH again. I should say though when we split DS specifically asked for us to keep in contact with each other

LtJudyHopps and others - I love the idea of an envelope of glitter. If there is one thing that I could send that would guarantee him to lose the plot it would be glitter! He hates all untidiness. I have many memories of him sweeping the glitter from under the table WHILST we were making things. However, I am now a changed person and that would be childish...wouldn't it...