To feel as if I’m being selfish

[madnessitellyou]

I feel like I’m losing it atm.

Only child, elderly parents. Df (nearly 90) in and out of hospital. Renal and heart failure. DM (mid 70s), COPD and I think starting Alzheimers. Df understandably not feeling very positive; dm cannot cope with this at all. Dm stubborn as hell - desperately unwell with her COPD and mostly refuses her medication. And smokes, ffs. I get twice/thrice daily updates about what else is happening. I’ve had to take leave from work for them.

Due to a situation at work my mental health is in tatters. I have worrying physical symptoms. I am supposed to be having tests this week but due to df’s latest crisis, my dm cannot watch my dc. It’s half term here and I have no one.

I’m so annoyed. And I feel awful about it. They cannot help getting old. But the mental load of this is just too much and I don’t know where to turn.

You sound like a woman whose plate is overloaded with no apparent support, you don't seem selfish to me at all.

Don't know where to turn? Got any friends, relatives or even occupational health at work to support you? Even if it's just a listening ear, sometimes that is enough to restore our coping mechanisms for a little while.
What about contacting the council for caring support for your parents?

I'm sorry life is so overwhelming at the moment.

How well do you know your childrens friends and their parents? Could you ask any of them to watch them while you have your tests?

Or is there a school holiday club they could attend, just so you have your tests?

Everyone’s away, which was why I had to ask dm in the first place - normally I get nothing. No holiday clubs either! I could leave my (only just) 12 year old, but don’t think they are quite up to looking after her younger sibling.

My df won’t entertain any help although dm is quite up for that... For full disclosure she hasn’t stopped her involvement in her church. Missing church is her primary concern currently.

Could you ask her church to help her a bit? if they presented themselves as friends rather than doing good that might work.

Approach the church. You need to reach out for some help. You’re definitely not selfish.

What age is your other dc? Any how reliable are they to behave well?
In your situation, I would suggest taking them with you and leaving them in the waiting room while you have your tests. In this kind of situation, they could use their screens as much as they liked, because if you don't get you sorted, you cant sort anyone else.

Do carers Uk or someone like that offer help?

How old are your children? My DD (15) got hired just to hang out with a friend's boy (12). . . not a babysitter as such, just mature and responsible company. For a nominal sum. Could something like that help?

What's the housing situation for both you & your parents? Is you moving in with them permanently a possibility? Look into Carer's Allowance & if available could you become their paid carer?