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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is it possible?

12 replies

labazsisgoingmad · 21/10/2019 16:55

dp and i want to get married but we have both been married before and have grown up children and grandchildren. if we have what people consider a small wedding its still going to be a lot of people to invite even cutting it right down including siblings dp's parents grandchildren of which there are 13 etc its still means at least 50 people we simply cannot afford this. we live in small house so would need somewhere for afterwards and our local registry office so to speak is a posh building and you cant just get married in it you have to agree to be there for 3 hours including the ceremony and you are talking a grand!
so we were talking the other day the other registry office is about 9 miles away in a local town so what if we just us two went and got married get two witness' from outside as i know if we try to choose witness' from friends and family the rest of them will get the hump we didnt choose them!
if we get married i was told in the week it can be cheaper. so if we just went and got married just wore a nice outfit we already have then it would be the cost of two wedding rings just plain gold bands the cost of the registry office that would be all then we would tell everyone after.
what i would like to know is firstly how much that would cost?
and has anyone else done such a thing?

OP posts:

GinDaddy · 21/10/2019 16:58

Plenty of people have done such a thing - from local registry office, to a secluded beach in the tropics.

You could purchase vintage plain gold bands from a local jeweller. The cost of the registrar and the registry office depends on time of the week - Google your local office and it will all be there.

Do what's in your heart and what's important to you, rather than what's expected.

Grannybags · 21/10/2019 17:01

I have a cousin who did similar as both sets of parents were acrimoniously divorced and her brother’s wedding was a nightmare. They went abroad and married there. Be prepared for people to react in different ways - some will think it’s romantic, others will feel hurt and left out. At the end of the day, it’s your marriage and your wedding day - do what makes you happy.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2019 17:01

Exactly what my husband and I did. Got married at the office and then went out for a lovely lunch just the two of us. Best decision we ever made.

BlueJava · 21/10/2019 17:02

I think your idea sounds lovely - just do what you want to. Also, you don't have to announce it, you can let it come out naturally months later like it's no big deal. The money some people spend on weddings is bonkers, but what really matters is that you love each other, want to be together for the rest of your lives and the legal bit. Good luck!

SallyCinnamon3009 · 21/10/2019 17:39

Could you do this then maybe arrange a party in a church hall/ fucnction room for later in the year to celebrate?

Lots of function rooms at Working Men's Clubs community centres are feee or very cheap. It doesn't have to be a "wedding" as such. Just hire a room invite everyone and have a buffet? You could still do a first dance/speeches if you wanted. At least that way everyone can celebrate the two of you but as it's a party rather than a wedding you'll probably find it's a lot lot cheaper

hazell42 · 21/10/2019 18:27

I've done it. To he honest it was horrible.
Bur then the marriage wasn't great s6i maybe that has coloured the memory!

DonKeyshot · 21/10/2019 18:35

My personal opinion is that second (and third, fourth etc) should be low key and sloping off to a registry office of your choosing with a couple of witnesses followed by a party in a pub or similar on the day or a later date sounds like a perfect plan.

Go for it! And treat yourselves to a slap-up lunch after the ceremony.

Samsamsuperman · 21/10/2019 18:38

If I were to get married again I would do this.
Research the price of rings online, your registry office will probably have their price online too. A few hundred all in I would say.

lookingatthings · 21/10/2019 18:59

We got married like this. Local registry office with the basic ceremony package: £73. We had friends as witnesses but the while thing took 50mins so I'm sure you could convince 2 strangers to do it.
I wore a dress that cost £60, DHs suit £120. Took our witnesses to the pub for lunch after (£150), then went on a mini honeymoon to a beloved UK place. All in i think we spent less than £500.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 21/10/2019 19:05

First wedding we couldn't be doing with MiL's fuss and we knew a Baptist minister as a friend, so he did it for us in his church: just us, him and two witnesses, and we went to the nearby pub for an all-day breakfast afterwards.

Second wedding we invited two friends to be our witnesses, and my three children but none of them was in the country and only one could get back on the day (Germany rather than Dubai and a ship somewhere in the Gulf). Then we went to our local pub for an all-day breakfast...

And I have never regretted it!

RealBecca · 21/10/2019 19:12

We did just the ceremony with 2 friends and it really was the cost of the service. We took our witnesses out to lunch after and the whole thing was under £200. No new oitfits, flowers, no nerves just fun.

On the day the registrar told us you dont even have to exchange rings. Some people swap something personal or jokey to them.

We had a great day and we still havent told anyone!

Dinosauraddict · 22/10/2019 07:05

I would caution you to think about your DC and DGC here. My DF did something similar (got married just him, his new wife and a couple of non-family witnesses) and it was emotionally painful. Showed to me that they didn't care about really being a family (DSM's son wasn't invited either so it wasn't like I was just left out). I was still a teenager so slightly different ages, but I never fully forgave him that.

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