Hello. New here. I have two DC [Edited by MNHQ to remove identifying details]. They have two sets of Grandparents. My parents are in their sixties. My dad works. My mum stays at home as she has had bad hips for years. I fully understand she can't chase young toddlers around etc due to this but otherwise is ok. Just to make it clear I would never ever expect her to have my kids for me on her own and I would never expect them to regularly babysit. What does upset me though is the one sided effort. They moan if so long passes by before they see the kids. I take them around. My dad watches Tele and doesn't particularly try and interact. He will bring them a biscuit and occasionally kick a ball about with them but mostly nothing. My mum doesn't offer us a drink for an hour and will engage abit more with us but doesn't particularly engage in any play with the kids. Sometimes I think why won't they look at a book with them or colour with them. Even if I take toys up it doesn't improve this. The other thing that makes me sad is they never invite us up. I'm always the one who has to go to them. I live around the corner basically and they never call round to us or anything. They used to put effort in with my sisters kids who are 6 and 11 at this age. They took them out once a year as toddlers and often try get a day with them at the coast still. But they have never seemed to want to do that with mine. My sister also has had more financial struggles over the years and they often pay for her kids uniforms. I am a sahm and whilst my oh works and earns us enough to manage we are not rolling in money. My DD started school this year and it cost me over a hundred pounds for her uniform as they have special skirts and they never offered us anything. Yet my sisters been offered money for her son's school trip that's over a grand and they got his blazer shoes etc.They paid for all her court cases with her ex. It's not that I want there money but I do think if they are buying one grandchild shoes they should buy the other. Sometimes I think why do they never think to invite us for tea once a month. Why don't they pick my four year old up when they go past for a walk in the park. I don't mean all the time. It just feels like they see themselves through rose tinted glasses. My dad has loads of siblings and they all are a big part of their grandkids lives and seem to love it. I spoke to my dad's sister last week as my DD gets so anxious she won't speak to alot of adults until she's warmed up. My parents handle it with sarcasm and saying she can't have biscuits which makes her more nervous. I've tried to explain to them that handling it with patience is what's needed. At school she is speaking more and more as the teachers are working with her. The reason I spoke to my dad's sister was my mum and dad had this plan that next time we go round they won't let her have things unless she answers with words instead of nodding. My auntie said some stuff tactfully to say my parents were wrong and that she would pop round for a drink next time I go and try demonstrate how to treat her. I was so relieved and it got me thinking why can't my parents be better with my kids. Believe me to everyone else they will want to show the grandkids off. I feel it's abit of an act really 
it's like when I was pregnant they made comments about them seeing my babies before my partner's side etc. Making sure I double barreled the surname so they had ours too etc. I did all these things and then I think of the effort they have put in to get to know my kids and I don't understand any of it.
Moving to the other side. My partner's side. I like his parents. I really do. But they had this plan for many years. It was when there daughter had kids they would retire and move and help her. She ended up with one child and she fell pregnant 10 weeks before me. They used to live 30 mins away from us. But now they live an hour away due to this plan. What hurts me is that my oh mum would be such a wonderful nanny to my kids. My kids would be so lucky if they had a look in with her. But they don't. She has our niece every week. She sleeps over at their house and she helps out with absolutely everything. Right from her being a toddler they have taken her for weekly trips out and had her every Thursday whilst her mum works. They know that child inside out. They bath her and feed her and get her dressed. They take her on holiday. They take her to school. They know all her favourite things. My kids see them whenever they pop over. Usually once a month for two hours. They never get taken out by them. Offers to sleep over. Never have them for the day.
This post is not meant to sound like I want childcare. It's the fact my kids have four grandparents who supposedly love kids. yet my kids don't see hardly anything of any of them. All I want is them to experience nanny's Sunday dinner and the odd sleepover. Occasional day out with nanny. A walk sometimes to the park.
It's not that I don't want to do it all myself. It's more that I already see the difference in kids who have relationships with grandparents. It's so positive. They look more confident. They experience more. They have extra adults to love them. It breaks my heart that my kids have nobody like that. They will have virtually no memories of either side bothering with them.
Aibu? I understand families often live too far apart etc and many people will be in this situation. But I know my family and oh family are doing this through choice as they don't seem to naturally want my kids.
My kids are lovely by the way. They'd never play up for other people. X