How do slim people think?

[Episcomama]

...because I really do think there is a difference between how slim and overweight people think. I am very overweight - BMI of 33. So obese rather than overweight, technically.

I've been off and on diets all my adult life, and the only thing I've really had success with is intermittent fasting and keto. When I stick to it, it works. The problem isn't my body, it's my mind. It's as though there's a switch that gets flicked from time to time. A voice in my head telling me to eat in case of famine. Food occupies much of my waking hours - once I've had a meal I'm thinking ahead to the next one.

A dear friend is very slim and once mentioned that she just doesn't really find satisfaction in food in the way I do (comfort, commiseration, celebration, whatever.) When I spent the weekend with her recently, it really became apparent how differently we see food. She was mildly horrified at both the quantity and frequency of my meals whereas I couldn't understand how she was satisfied with what she ate.

Eating disorders aside, do you think there's a difference between a "thin mind" and a "fat mind", to express it crudely. And if you have a thin mind and used to have a fat mind, can you share with me how you flicked that switch?

frumpety
Personally I don't believe in super low calorie diets or fasting.

The best way (I'd guess) would be to start by cutting snacks out or limiting them to set times. E.g. a slice of toast mid morning or one biscuit with a mid afternoon cup of tea (rather than grazing all day).

Doing that would start getting someone properly hungry at meal time.

Then I'd start pouring your normal portion out, then weighing it so you can see what you're normally eating, and cut back gradually from there.

Smaller plates and bowls will help too as some people subconsciously fill their plates/bowls and then eat whatever is on their plate, probably as a relic of parents saying you don't leave the table til you've eaten everything.

I wouldn't do anything extreme like 800 calories - I don't see how you could maintain that. If you are 19 stone (I might have you mixed up with another poster) you could probably lose weight eating 1800 calories a day. It would be much better to try to establish normal eating habits, that you could maintain forever, rather than go from one extreme to another.

@frumpety
I've never tried the 800 cal fast diet, but did the 5:2 one five years ago and lost 5kgs in 2 months. I still fast regularly and one of the advantages is that you learn the feeling of hunger. Also it trains you not to eat 3 meals a day out of habit when you don't feel hungry.

I’m a slim ( size 8-10 , not super skinny ) woman in my 50s and my partner, who is the same age, is obese. Because of our working patterns we don’t eat many meals together.

There is very little overlap between what he eats and what I eat. Our fridge is full of his food and my food.

He eats LOADS of carbs - toast and cereal for breakfast, sandwiches, crisps and biscuits for lunch, pasta, ready meals or pizza for dinner. He can eat a large cake in 2 days.

He SNACKS all the time . He’s convinced he will die if he feels even the slightest bit hungry for a few minutes. Most days he eats 3 Chocolate bars and every evening he has a whole packet of biscuits and at least one large bottle of coke/ Fanta.

If he wakes in the night, he will go down to the kitchen and eat cakes, biscuits, crisps and toast.

If the children have sweets or chocolate they know to hide it well or he will track it down and scoff it.

He eats no vegetables at all and only a little fruit, perhaps a few portions a week.

I eat LCHF, so lots of vegetables, a little fruit and a fair amount of protein. I never snack, drink fizzy juice, eat cereal, biscuits or cakes or ready meals.

The few things we do both eat, like cheese - he will have about 3 times the amount with half a packet of crackers and I will have a little with an apple or grapes.

For me, that’s a nice treat. For him, he’s done some sport of penance by eating a “healthily ” and he needs the reward of a chocolate bar or two.

When our working patterns were more similar I used to cook healthy dinners for him. He would complain about any vegetables on the plate, leave half of it of the meal saying he was full, and then scoff a packet of biscuits an hour later. It was soul destroying.

He simply doesn’t like most of what I enjoy eating, and vice versa. It’s NOT just quantity most of the time, we are like two completely different species.

I dunno. There are different levels of slim. There have been times when I've worked up due to greed/comfort eating but I've never reached an unhealthy BMI. I'm 29 and always been around 8 and a half to 9 stone. Occasionally been less and more. I'm pregnant and knackered, so fighting the urge to be more sedentary but in general have always enjoyed long walks but am not sporty. It's not true that slim people don't eat their feelings, I definitely do sometimes and sometimes I can't eat at all when stressed. I eat 3 meals a day in pregnancy but outside of that, I hate breakfast. Two meals a day are the norm for me. I love a healthy filling dinner and a glass of wine. I do like chocolate and crisps but I also fill up on coffee and tea. I love cooking and eating out. I watch the scales though and the idea of being overweight fills me with horror so I always cut back if I feel I'm gaining.

Woah. Apologies didn't realise that was so long. Should have broken that up.

To the PP who asked how long does it take to shrink your appetite? Well, for me it was about three weeks. During those three weeks I wanted to gnaw my arm off, yet revealingly, my tummy never rumbled once! This just goes to show that my hunger was all in my head, not my tum. It was hugely eye opening to actually measure my portions correctly. I too now use various cups to measure accurately. I remember first measuring out a 'normal' portion of All Bran and thinking I'd read it wrong, surely it couldn't be that small! Rice too (I don't eat pasta). DD is a nurse and good friends with an NHS dietician. He advises (using your own hands for your own portions, because its a good estimate of size) One first size of protein, one open palm of unrefined carbs (not white) and both hands cupped together full of veg. I kind of do this for dinner. To start with it looked tiny, now it is enough. I no longer get hungry. Carbs are good and necessary imho, but I avoid white carbs completely.

He simply doesn’t like most of what I enjoy eating, and vice versa. It’s NOT just quantity most of the time, we are like two completely different species.

It's probably the quantity that makes the difference though rather than anything to do with the fact that he eats a high carb diet whereas you eat a low carb diet. I you eat small portions of what he eats you would still be slim.

I did 5:2 a few years ago due to liver disease.
it was really effective at looking at portion sizes and making sure the 500 you eat on the fast day are maximum volume.
it also teaches you that you body can easily go without additional calories for many hours without issues.

our bodies are brilliant - it's our minds that need convincing.

I love food, i’m 50 9.6 stone, 5’4, i’ve never been skinny or fat, my weight has only changed over the years by half a stone accept when I was pregnant. I can really endulge over the weekend but then my stomach feels awful and I don’t eat for a couple of days, only fruit. I also eat a lot of fruit, which I think helps digests food

I have completely changed my habits over the last six months, I used to scoff constantly and eat all the wrong stuff. I am 51 pounds lighter as a result and I can get in clothing that hasn't fitted for years. My way of getting rid of hunger pangs is having a pack of tic tacs in my bad, a few calories in each and it gives you a fresh feeling until the hunger fades.
I eat around 14-1500 Kcal per day and still lose weight. Ideally I would like to lose another 30 Lb

Like a PP, I had a partner who couldn't understand the feeling of hunger. He'd eat a full breakfast, and then a few hours later it would be 'lunchtime' and he'd have to have lunch (even though he wasn't hungry, he had to eat by the clock', and then later 'dinner time', when lunch was still sitting there only partially digested.

If he had to miss a meal you 'd have thought he was dying. He literally could not understand that the mild feeling of peckishness you get if you skip lunch meant that he'd appreciate his next meal more. It was like the discomfort of hunger was to be avoided at all costs.

Annoyingly, he's fairly thin, but has a very active job that he will be retiring from in a couple of years. I think then he might have to have a rethink, but he will be too set in his ways to re-educate himself by then.

I was suggesting the 800 plan as a way of reducing appetite over a period of weeks. I cannot actually remember the last time I felt hungry, I never wake feeling hungry and rarely eat breakfast, unless on holiday where it would be later in the morning. I don't snack in an evening because I eat late anyway, between 8-9pm usually. My biggest binge tends to be at work at lunchtime and I am probably more dehydrated than hungry , as I will go up to 5 hours without a drink, need to start taking water to drink through the morning I think.

This thread is hugely helpful for me... I've been reading bits of it daily and I'm sure some points are sinking in.... So thanks everybody!

I went from size 6 to size 16 in 2 years. This was after marriage when I would join my DH for his huge meals. He is slim because he plays a lot of sports but my weight sky rocketed. A few observations I noted the larger I became:

1. I completely over rode the switch in my head that says "enough". I would eat huge meals to the point of gorging and not when I was happily full. I am struggling to get this mental control back.

2. I would mistake thirst for hunger, and when I would just need a glass of water, I would have a snack instead.

3. Feeling of hunger felt really uncomfortable, far more than when I was thin. My new normal was stuffed, so hunger almost felt like dying.

4. Food became a lot less enjoyable, constantly eating meant the joy of savouring a meal when out the window. Instead I was just maintaining being stuffed.

I am trying to regain control of my eating but it will mean eating different meals to my husband who leads a far more active life. It is worth it health wise.

I'm size 6. I do like food but I'm terrified of processed food, non-organic etc so don't have "convenience" or package food in the house, when I eat it needs to be prepared which means I don't eat mindlessly or out of boredom. Also, I'm so busy that food is only on my mind when I start to feel hungry. I'm also gluten free for health reasons so that cuts out a lot of breads and pastas.

I'm 5'7", 42 and currently about half a stone overweight. Not slim but as all of my family are morbidly obese, or have had weight loss surgery I've always been interested in why I'm not like them. My experience is very slim in my teens/early twenties, gained weight up to a size 14 mid thirties then pregnancy weight gain was massive but back down to a size 14/16 not too long afterwards. I've recently gone sober and weight is dropping slowly too, food has never really been a problem for me I just don't like greasy food, feeling really full and cream/cheese makes me feel sick. I do cycle commute and average about 6-9k steps a day so that definitely helps.

He SNACKS all the time . He’s convinced he will die if he feels even the slightest bit hungry for a few minutes.

How can he be convinced he'll die without snacking? Surely he sees you eat way less and aren't dying, while he is obsese, logic would tell him he is overeating and therefore not going to die when hungry.

This might sound weird and I guess that it’s something to be mindful doesn’t become an eating disorder. But I have learned to enjoy being hungry. When I was overweight I always ate to pre-empt hunger. Ie, I started having a mid morning snack to ensure I avoided feeling hungry before lunch. Instead now, I have a protein and fruity breakfast and let myself get hungry for an hour or so before lunch. I feel way more in touch with my appetite as a consequence. And food tastes better. In half an hour I’m going to have a cheddar, chicken and coleslaw sandwich followed by a Granny Smith apple and it’s going to be epically amazing. I eat less now. But everything tastes fantastic.

I've just lost 10lb recovering from a hip replacement. Can just about walk to the kitchen, but can't carry plates or prepare food whilst on crutches.

He simply doesn’t like most of what I enjoy eating, and vice versa. It’s NOT just quantity most of the time, we are like two completely different species

It's probably the quantity that makes the difference though rather than anything to do with the fact that he eats a high carb diet whereas you eat a low carb diet. I you eat small portions of what he eats you would still be slim

That might be true. But If I ate tiny quantities of his food I would be starving hungry all the time and probably become insulin resistant. Also I can’t see how I would get adequate nutrition.

I would have to survive on breakfast of one piece of toast, tiny sandwich for lunch , bowl of pasta for tea and snacks of biscuits.

I’d be hungry, unhealthy and miserable.

I'm slim, always have been. Tbh I've never really been that interested in food. Its eating because I have to as I find it an inconvenience to eat if I can be doing something else. When I'm at home I can forget to eat and then wonder why I'm feeling hungry. If at work I eat much better as I have structured breaks like everyone else. If I'm stressed instead of eating for comfort I lose my appetite altogether.

I'm very similar. I'm underweight since I stopped working and lost the structure of lunch time etc. I just don't remember to eat. It isn't a conscious effort to stay slim. I never count calories. And I also lose my appetite when stressed etc.

I think it is easier for some people than others. In my family, me and one sibling both have a naturally leaner body type and seem to be able to forget to eat/go without food for longer and lose weight quickly. Another sibling and our dm never forget to eat and both gain weight a lot easier.

He SNACKS all the time . He’s convinced he will die if he feels even the slightest bit hungry for a few minutes

How can he be convinced he'll die without snacking? Surely he sees you eat way less and aren't dying, while he is obsese, logic would tell him he is overeating and therefore not going to die when hungry

Well obviously I am slightly exaggerating for effect. But if you eat a lot of carbs then your blood sugar will have a lot of highs and then plummet. So he probably IS ravenously hungry a few hours after his packet of biscuits. And his body can’t access his stored fat because of his high insulin levels.

And if he feels hungry, to him it’s a catastrophe, not just an minor inconvenience. He honestly believes that all slim people enjoy being hungry and he doesn’t so it’s not his fault.

Much like the poster up thread who implied that everyone who is a healthy weight is drug addicted or has an eating disorder. Or the other poster who said that we must stand admiring ourselves in the mirror for pleasure.

And my partner DOESNT see that I eat way less. I eat bigger plates of food at meals than him. He will have a bowl or two of cereal for breakfast while I might have a big plate of eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms and spinach.

At dinner he will eat a tiny microwave macaroni cheese and I will have an enormous stir fry that’s twice the size. He doesn’t notice the large slice of bread and two ciders that he has with it - they don’t count.

Most of his Extra food is from snacks so they don’t count either. He will tell himself he’s had one biscuit but he’s had the whole packet.

His car is full of chocolate and sweet wrappers which he eats while driving, so they don’t count.

He thinks his large bottles of Diet Coke don’t count because they have few calories - even though his body will react to them in some ways as if they were full fat.

It’s like that secret eaters programme - he claims to have no idea why he’s obese. He thinks he eats very little and I eat a lot.

I know he will never lose weight until he changes his thinking. That’s why this thread is so Interesting to me, I can see that Some others think In similar ways. It’s fascinating.

Age 34, height 5'5", weight 7 stone 4 last time I checked, dress size 6-8 depending on the shop.

This thread is really interesting, has had me mulling over a lot of different things.

I've always been slim, was bullied quite badly about it as a teen. But ultimately felt quite secure about myself, thanks to my parents, so although the bullying itself bothered me, I never wanted to change myself.

I've always pretty much eaten what I want, when I want. I don't obsess at all about food or about the calories.

My parents were relaxed about sweets and treats but meals were always been home cooked in the main (maybe the odd fish finger or takeaway!) and balanced. I tend to prefer junky food, lots of carbs and snack mainly on cheese and chocolate. Have never really enjoyed fruits much, but always have lots of veg with meals.

I don't often have a big breakfast, as I just don't have any appetite early in the morning. Food usually kicks off with a snack type breakfast, say a cereal bar, piece of toast or croissant at around 10am. I tend to snack frequently through the day and have smallish portions at meals.

I don't snack for the hell of it, though, can quite happily not eat if I'm not hungry, no matter how tempting the food looks.

If I'm very stressed I tend to go off food, but that's really only in a major crisis. Otherwise I don't really find that emotions affect my eating or vice versa

I can't bear that feeling of being excessively full, and always try to stop eating well before I get there. I only ever get that when we eat out and I decide I really want dessert when I've already had two courses, and I usually only manage a couple of bites of the dessert and then regret it because I feel crap afterwards!

Thank you to whoever suggested the Brain Over Binge podcast! I started listening to it last night and a lot of what is being said makes sense.