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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being petty about babysitting?

32 replies

BonyPony · 20/10/2019 21:57

We have a babysitter booked for a Christmas night out. Another couple have asked if we can have their child overnight with our 2 children and they will pay a third of the cost. We have done this before with a different family and it worked fine.

We will both have a child away that weekend so we'll still have 2 but they will be child-free. I suggested that they have the babysitter and the 3 kids at their house but they said they'd find someone else. I don't want to look after someone else's child with a stinking hangover! I also think that with no children at home, the other couple will go on partying past midnight (possibly with my husband!) while I go home to relieve the babysitter. This means they probably won't collect their child at a reasonable time, which the other family did.

We have no family nearby and have been away from our children overnight probably once in a decade so it would be a very welcome treat for us! I don't want to be petty but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of! AIBU?

OP posts:

Windydaysuponus · 20/10/2019 22:01

They are Cfers!!
Let them flounce..

Freddiefox · 20/10/2019 22:02

It does sound a bit petty bu o can understand where you are coming from.
You just have to decide what you are happy with. I would happily stick a dvd on my own child while I snoozed next to them
but would feel like I’d have to get up for someone else’s.

Freddiefox · 20/10/2019 22:02

So it would be a no from me

LordNibbler · 20/10/2019 22:04

I think the fact you offered them the same deal but at their house and they didn't want to says it all.

WineIsMyMainVice · 20/10/2019 22:05

Yanbu.
F*ck that!!!
Tell them to do one!

Artesia · 20/10/2019 22:07

I don’t understand- why are they CFers for wanting the kids to be at your house but you are not CFers for wanting them all to stay at theirs????

roses2 · 20/10/2019 22:07

Are you looking for someone to have your kids whilst you nurse a stinking hangover? They might be thinking the same as you!

SkinRash · 20/10/2019 22:09

Unless they're coming back WITH you at midnight or whenever the night ends to collect their kids (not likely) then no way I'd be agreeing to this!!

A third of the cost of say 5 hours care when you still pay the other 2/3, provide the facilities AND overnight care and responsibility plus care all morning with a hangover until they collect....?
They must think your head buttons up the back!!

Shagged · 20/10/2019 22:10

I can understand why you feel a bit miffed but I'd be inclined to go along with it on the basis that you'll earn yourself a return favour from them at some point

If you say no you won't gain anything but by saying yes you could potentially gain something in the future

Majorcollywobble · 20/10/2019 22:12

You are not being unreasonable or petty .
Cheeky that they suggest paying a third of the cost when you will be giving childcare in the morning for all the children .

NearlyGranny · 20/10/2019 22:12

Nah, it's never convenient for CFers to repay favours owed.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 20/10/2019 22:14

To be fair, you asked the same of them. Are you a CF?

You could give them a set time to collect their child- say you're all heading out at 8:30am the next day so child will need collecting by then. That way hopefully they'll drink less and head home when you do.

Or just don't do it.

TriciaH87 · 20/10/2019 22:17

So they pay a third of the cost but don't have to look after their child until some time the next day. That means their paying your baby sitter but what are you getting out of it? Nothing clearly except an extra screaming child in the morning when your heads banging and the stress of entertaining said child until they rock up some time after noon. It's a no from me.

BeanBag7 · 20/10/2019 22:18

But you asked them to look after your 2 kids the day after the party, when they might have a headache and have no guarantee that you wouldn't stay out late and then collect the kids late. Why is it OK for you to suggest it but not them?

Original poster

BonyPony · 20/10/2019 22:25

I'm assuming CF is Cheeky F*rs (if it's not, this reply could be bizarre!)

I like to help people out whenever I can (and not always just to bank favours) I had never even thought of asking them to host our children overnight but I wanted to see their response. As someone said above, it speaks volumes - it isn't about babysitting, it's about a child-free night of partying and a child-free morning after.

However, after reading all your sage advice, I might do it. I'll have to go home for the b babysitter anyway but for a quiet extra kid, I get cheaper babysitting and a future child-free night of my own

OP posts:

BackforGood · 20/10/2019 22:28

YANBU, because clearly you know the other couple.

You say you have done this with another family and it worked fine BUT you seem confident that what this couple are asking - that they don't need to collect their child at the end of the night, and get to stay out later than you and then lie in when you don't - is quite different.
I'm reading this that you have proved what you suspect, by asking them.

It would be different if this were a couple you see a lot and there was an element of 'we'll do it this time, then next month we'll do the same for you' which would be different, but that isn't the vibe this couple ?are giving off, is it.

Skippingabeat · 20/10/2019 22:35

They're paying 1/3 of the cost of a babysitter for a few hours but getting overnight + morning babysitting. They're obviously BU.

They need to collect their child when the sitter leaves or owe you an overnight of babysitting (or pay an overnight fee to you ).

Gooseysgirl · 20/10/2019 22:35

I would have 'plans' for the next day and tell them the kid needs to be picked up by 10am

Ginger1982 · 20/10/2019 22:38

But you would have had to have gone home anyway even before they asked, wouldn't you?

LittleNightmare · 20/10/2019 22:47

Paying a third is cheeky anyway, they should pay half. It’s not charged Per child!

Have you asked the baby sitter if they mind & have you offered to pay them more?

Do you have a spare room & would the babysitter stay over if you want to stay out longer. Or even just stay as late as you want to be out. I used to do a LOT of babysitting and did both of those things frequently.

I’d pay the baby sitter more. Tell the others it’s 50% of x cost per hour & that they need to collect their child on the way home.

But actually as they’ve already said they’ll find someone else i’d leave them to do that. Far less hassle for you and the babysitter.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 20/10/2019 23:03

Renegotiate. They pay half and if you go home early then you’ll be fine to return the child ho,e first thing in the morning!

mummyway · 20/10/2019 23:27

They have said they will find someone else so I am not understanding the problem

Windydaysuponus · 21/10/2019 08:41

Op are you naive enough to think the deal with be reciprocated??
You suggested their home and they said no.
It will always be no imo...

ZenNudist · 21/10/2019 08:45

Cheeky. Also they should pay half. If I were a babysitter Id be annoyed to have someone take advantage like this.

BlouseAndSkirt · 21/10/2019 08:48

So you would send two kids to their house?
As opposed to them sending one to yours?

And does the babysitter get paid the same despite the number of kids being increased? Given that kids on sleepovers always stay up / get excited?

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