To ask how being cheated on changed you?

[HiiiPaigehere]

I've been supporting my bf since her 'dh' left her for another woman. She has always been the sweetest, most generous, popular woman I've ever been lucky enough to be friends with.
Recently I've noticed the way she speaks has changed. She's swearing more, less forgiving, more blunt. I understand that she has been massively hurt but I just wonder 'is this going to be her personality forever now?' I know that's really selfish for thinking that. But I just wonder if anyone could give me any insight?

To be honest, I think it's turned me into someone who won't take shit from anyone. Being cheated on is one of the most disrespectful things you can ever imagine, it feels horrible. It destroys your self esteem. It's pretty savage. It does change you as a person though, i would say it's changed me for the better. I used to be a person who was a bit of a doormat, I'm ashamed to admit! I'm now someone who knows my own mind, believes in herself and I'm super strong.

I think perhaps she didn’t see it coming and so feels she cannot trust anyone because they might also hurt her. I’ve felt like this about my own past relationship. I trusted my ex implicitly and he had an affair with a much younger woman. I can’t trust my own judgment anymore because I never thought he would do that to me.
She’s trying to behave as if she is strong but I bet deep down, she is still beside herself. I think she just needs you to be there and show her someone cares. I wish I had that.

@Sleepyhead19 ah thank you, I am understanding. I just wondered if it changes you for good or whether you end up sort of halfway between doormat and ice queen?

It certainly means I wont be in a relationship for the sake of it now, thats maybe a good thing and I have a lot less faith in people. Not worth the destruction of self worth it causes though

It killed my self esteem. If my DH doesn't think that much of me, what is the actual point of me? (That's not a cry for help, my DC are the point of me, but why can't I be important enough to be loved to the ends of the earth?)
I'm less of a doormat.
I also bottle things up less.

I don't think your friend will be like that forever, but she needs to learn to trust again and feel valued.

@HiiiPaigehere I can't tell you for certain. Only time will tell. My ex husband cheated on me years ago and I found some confidence again after a couple of years. If I told you exactly what he did, you'd think it was the Christmas script for Eastenders, but it was bad and I thought I would never get over it. I met my partner of 10 years and he seemed great. I really thought I could trust him and that he cared. He's actually a selfish a-hole who has destroyed any self confidence I got back after what my ex husband did. I think for me, I am unlikely to trust anyone again because he knew what I'd been through and he still treated me like crap after the first couple of years. I probably will stay an ice queen lol but if this is the first time it has happened to your friend, she might feel better about things and be happier with time. I hope she is and can get over what she has been through.