11 month old + puppy AIBU

[ImAwfulWithUsernames]

I'm not a dog person, I don't hate them I just don't get all gooey when I see dogs.

A family member has a puppy that still pees and poos by accident (he has pooed in our kitchen where our baby crawls)
Last time we saw the puppy it kept nipping at my baby and my LO really doesn't like him, he tries getting away from him.

This family member is supposed to come over to visit tomorrow but now we are thinking it's not a good idea. I know people have dogs around children and that's fine but it's our choice not to have a dog in the house and that should be respected.

What would you say to this family member? I don't want to cause upset as we get on otherwise!

Or if you think I'm being unreasonable then go for it

Not unreasonable. Puppies and babies deserve their own spaces. Our 'puppy' was +12 months by the time LO came along, and is great but any earlier would have been a disaster. I think you just have to be firm and say the puppy can't come visit. Sorry, not especially helpful!

I really don’t like dogs around babies and I love dogs (I have four) so it’s not that—I just feel like it can be an accident waiting to happen. I know some people manage great but puppies are also babies and need their own form of management and intensive training in the early days and with a baby in the mix it doesn’t give the puppy any room for error which is very unfair to both. I’m also surprised that your family member was happy to bring a puppy to your house knowing it’s not fully toilet trained? I don’t visit others houses before mine are—seems really unfair on both puppy and and the person you’re visiting. I think it’s fine to say the puppy can’t come—it’s your house and up to you but it may mean that they then can’t make it. It’s not always easy to leave young puppies alone.

Dog lover here. I think if the puppy isn’t yet housetrained and still teething it’s not a great idea to have them together. Plus you absolutely do get to say if a puppy comes in your house or not. I’d never assume my very well behaved dog can come along, I’d always ask if someone minded.

It might mean the family member can’t visit as the puppy needs supervision but that’s not forever. Hopefully as the puppy grows it’ll be less nippy and cleaner. Be tactful when you say you’d prefer to keep baby and puppy apart for now, but YANBU

Ask them not to bring puppy, or for puppy to be shut in the kitchen while they're here.

It’s Grumpy time.
I’m sorry but I find it hard to believe you didn’t take definitive action the very first time the puppy tried to bite your baby. Excuses like it’s simply teething or playing do not cut it.
I really don’t care what action you take but I would have acted to protect a helpless child. That’s your job as a parent!
Ban the dog, ban the relative, keep the dog on a 6cm lead or lock it in the shed.
In my eyes nothing takes priority over protecting the child.

Tell them they can't bring the dog to your house. We don't allow dogs in our house, relatives don't bring them round. Not a big deal!

As to what to say - just be honest. 'we don't really want dogs in the house - would you be able to leave it at home?'

Just ask openly if they were planning on bringing the dog, if so you would prefer if they didn't due to what happened last visit.
If they try to debate it just say to them as you have phrased it here, that you have chosen not to have a dog in your house and would appreciate if they could respect that

Well it’s your house and if you don’t want a dog there then YANBU.
But I personally don’t think it’s a big deal. Surely they’ll clean up behind the dog and ensure the dog doesn’t mouth your baby?

Absolutely don’t phrase it the way mummyway suggested it. “Would appreciate it if they could respect that” sounds really formal and shitty. An easy way to make a fall out of a non-event.

The puppy should not be allowed to nip but it is important socialization for puppy to meet all humans, animals and situations.
How long ago did the puppy visit? A lot changes in a few weeks in puppies.

Had dogs but would not have a puppy with a baby/toddler especially anyone else's child. You have to just say you are not comfortable with the puppy being there. Any responsible dog owner will understand. YANBU

I love dogs and go full mushy over puppies. But I would never bring a puppy around someone else's baby, puppies are arseholes. Also I'd never take my dogs to anyones house without asking and they go in their bed and don't get disturbed when friends bring babies/toddlers to visit.
Just said don't bring the dog, perfectly reasonable request.

We have exactly this situation with a very close friend of mine and it's really difficult - I can't ask her to leave the puppy at home as it's too long a journey and she won't leave her for that long. I think we probably need to have a proper chat about it at some point, as I suspect we both think the other is unreasonable - last time she came over she was horrified that I had thought she'd put the puppy out in the garden, but I was equally horrified by the suggestion that I just hold my toddler for two hours (he's 15 months and walking, he doesn't want to sit on my lap for 10 minutes let alone two hours) so that the dog could have free range of the floor! It's tricky though as I know we both think the other is being overly precious and I don't want to argue about it.

YANBU. I am a massive dog lover and have an older dog and a 2 year old child. No way would I be comfortable with a puppy around a baby. Puppies jump and bite and despite the owners best efforts, are not very easy to control. Plus, I wouldn’t take a puppy that isn’t toilet trained to someone else’s house!

When I have friends kids and babies visiting I put my dog (who is great with kids and generally very well behaved!) in another room. I just don’t want to have to supervise dog-child interactions when I want to chat with friends! So perhaps you could put it that way if you feel awkward? Like, could you leave the puppy at home so we can have a nice natter without having to supervise a baby and a dog!

I honestly think she is being unreasonable bringing the puppy anyway!

YANBU. When our lab was a puppy I hated young children visiting here as I just had to keep them separate. A puppy and a baby/toddler is a bad combo.
The one time we had to go to families house and take the puppy (I wanted to stay at home with puppy but DH said it would be fine 🙄). I spent the whole time either outside in the garden with the puppy. Trying to distract him with a bone or taking him for a walk. He was on a lead at all times and I found it very stressful. If the puppy had nipped the children it would have been my fault.

I can’t believe your friend think it’s your responsibility to keep your baby safe in your house around her puppy. She should get a dog sitter or not come.

I wouldn't have a dog in my house. Yanbu.

Dog lover here, and have 3 dogs. Definitely wouldn't have a dog around a baby. I don't even allow my older dogs to be left alone with my older dgc and they are well used to kids.
One of my dogs is very young and he stays on a lead when my youngest grandchild comes, or stays in the kitchen with his kong toy.
I couldn't imagine taking my dogs to someone else's home.

I would arrange to meet outside or ask them not to take the puppy. We have a 14 week old puppy and an 8 month old DS, and although we manage the two nicely I would never consider taking our puppy to someone else's house who has a baby playing on the floor. You have to keep dogs and children separate until both learn to respect each other's space. Regardless of whether there's a child or not the dog isn't always welcome in all households. If they are offended by your request then they are being unreasonable thinking everyone else will accommodate their pets.

This family member needs to give her head a wobble if they are bringing their puppy round when it's nipping at your baby. I'm a massive dog lover and I'm sure the pup is just playing but it would still annoy me greatly that this person thought this was ok, so I would be blunt and tell them that they were more than welcome but to leave the puppy at home until it was house trained and child friendly.

I love dogs but I wouldn't bring a puppy to friend's house if they had a toddling/crawling baby. Kids that age tend to grab at puppies, snatch things from them etc and puppies tend to treat them like they would another dog - ie they'll nip or chew on them if they upset them.

What would you say to this family member?

That they are welcome to visit you but without the dog?

I am a dog lover and we're on doggo no2 but even without a dog and with no baby either, there is no way anyone else's dog is allowed in my house!

I can't believe there are people out there who think it's ok to take their dog into someone else's house