Dd keeps lieing!!

[Forgothowtospell]

Recently my DD keeps lieing about things, just now she has came threw to tell me her younger DB put food in her cup. I went threw and there is food in boths cups. Both saying the other one done it. I told her not to lie and to tell me if she out food in his cup, which she admitted too. So she put food in his cup, he did the same then she came to tell me that he done it to him so he would get the row! There was an incident a week or so ago where she drew on the floor (very out of the ordinary) and totally lied about it, knowing her bother would get the blame. She has a Sleepover that she has been invited to in an hour. AIBU to not let her go? I don't want to be too hard in her but I also don't want to let her think she can keep getting away with it. I'd say 9 times our of 10 she is caught in her lies. She is 7 and her DB is 3.

Just to add, she said it was her bother who put the food in both cups lots, before finally saying she done it. When asked why she just says "I don't know".

Nothing you have described sounds outrageous enough to warrant cancelling a sleepover especially as the drawing on the floor was a week ago.

Don't get too caught up in trying to catch her out when you know she's lied. Tell her off and move on. Save big punishments for when you really need them. Just work on general chat about how it's better to tell the truth etc.

Not letting her go to a sleepover over food in a cup is harsh. She’s just testing boundaries and getting annoyed by her brother. I don’t think she’s a pathological liar.

DD went through a similar phase at that age, it was around a year ago. It was difficult because it was so unexpected but from everything I read and heard it's very common and a lot of children go through it as part of normal development.

The biggest things that helped were to give her opportunities to come clean and then to have consequences each and every time she told a lie and we tried to make them fit with the lie. For example when she lied to me that she had done her homework when I knew full well it was sitting in her bag but even looked at I asked her twice "are you sure?" and when she insisted that it had been done I said nothing more about it so that when she went to school on the Monday she had no homework to hand in then after school we had a chat about the lie she told and the impact it had. We got some books too - Tiddler and The Boy Who Cried Wolf - every time she told a lie, as well as the consequence/punishment for lying, she also had to read one of the two books.

Talk about it every time she lies. What the lie was, the effect it had, why she told it, and what she should do next time.

We praised DD lots for telling the truth and for coming clean when she had lied and emphasised that you will always get in more trouble for lying than you ever will for telling the truth.

Thanks for replies. I know it seems harsh but it just seems to be happening so often, I don't know what to do anymore. She is usually so well behaved, it really makes me sad to think she's lying to me. We have had a chat with her and she said she's been feeling frustrated towards her brother. She's all packed and ready to go, probably excited to be away from her brother for a night haha. What a great idea about the books, I never thought about that and she absolutely loves books. Great advice.

YY to giving her room to tell the truth and praising that (even if a fib were told first). I think it is a development stage.

The no sleepover is harsh, so I wouldn't, but you need to start making it clear that she's to stop lying
7 is old enough to understand the difference between truth and lies

I remember dd going through a phase where everything was blamed on someone else, but she was about 4 and the someone else was a train called Donald.

Well done for listening to her frustration over her brother - all too often, a child's issues with their sibling are dismissed as 'jealousy' when they are actually irritation, just like that we would feel towards an annoying colleague or a sense of displacement - like there is no room left for them anymore.

I reckon if you keep allowing her to express her feelings and sympathising, perhaps saying things like 'I know he can be a pain at times but it will get better, I promise' rather than 'but he's your brother, he's only a baby' then the lies will stop.

I wish my DM had listened to my feelings like you just did with your DD.

We had a good chat and she got very emotional saying her DB keeps stealing her toys. We went and reclaimed all lost toys, I praised her for being honest with us. I'm soo glad she told me what's been bothering her. I guess I'm feeling more hurt at the fact she feels like she can't talk to me and would rather lie. I never felt like I could talk to my dm when I was younger and don't want that for my dd. I hope this is just a stage because she is such a lovely girl. Thanks for all the advice means alot.

Don't feel bad. What you've taught her today is that she can talk to you and you will listen, believe her and act on it.
That's a really powerful lesson for you both.