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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was ok re mates rates?

26 replies

Odetocherry · 20/10/2019 16:42

Best friends partner is in a trade. We had need of this trade to make something safe but didn't have the money so we were just not using it (non-essential). Mentioned this when friend and partner were round a little while ago and he said he'd sort it for us, free of charge. We said thanks, only if you are sure etc and paid for that nights Chinese takeaway.

A little while later my friend mentioned they'd bought a new mattress but couldn't afford a bed. We had a spare bedframe (would have sold for around £40) so offered it to them, for free. They took it.

Friend and partner came yesterday, friend and I hung out and partner did the work. DH and I agreed beforehand we'd pay him about 1/3 of the cost (essentially what we could afford). Offered it to him and he was grateful and took it. We also paid for takeaway and gave them a bottle of wine and provided the beers for the evening.

Another friend today has said it was really unfair of us to only pay him 1/3 and we should have given him the full amount or asked for 10% off as 'mates rates'. This person doesn't know best friend or partner.

Were we unreasonable?

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 20/10/2019 16:45

You were unreasonable discussing the finances with your other friend imo. Once word gets out about his 'mates rates' he could have all sorts of people asking for favours and putting him in an awkward position. Should have kept it to yourself.

Tistheseason17 · 20/10/2019 16:49

As long as your mate is happy with what you paid that is all you need to concern yourself with. I wouldn't discuss with others.

Glitterypumkin · 20/10/2019 16:50

1/3 of fee, free bed & Chinese isn’t too bad especially as he offered to do it for free.
Agree with pp keep your financial business to yourself

Windydaysuponus · 20/10/2019 16:54

Ignore the friend. When dh's mate converted our garage for his own rate - couple of pints at the local - his gf nagged us for a year about how we had conned him!! She was a money grabbing cow tbh.
When he died she tried to claim compensation! They didn't even live together!!
You have done nowt wrong op.

Sparklesocks · 20/10/2019 16:54

It’s between you and the friend, nobody else’s business what money does or doesn’t exchange hands

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 20/10/2019 16:54

Why did you involve your other friend if you didn’t want their opinion on the transaction?

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 20/10/2019 17:08

You NEVER tell anyone someone offered to do work for free!
"What do you mean discount? You did it for free for odetocherry!"

TrainspottingWelsh · 20/10/2019 17:22

Depends whether the bed frame plus what you paid adds up to near his normal charge. Unless the broken item came into conversation naturally, I do think it's slightly crass to bring it up with someone that is in that trade, it could be interpreted as an awkward hint so he had little choice but to offer, whether you intended it that way or not.

Generally I don't believe in 'mates rates'. Because while the person is working for you, they could be earning their full fee elsewhere. However there are exceptions, and only you can know if they genuinely didn't mind, rather than agreeing to be polite.

lynzpynz · 20/10/2019 17:41

No-one else's business that weren't involved in the original trade, thank other friend for their opinion but remind them its neither asked for nor relevant.

CravingCheese · 20/10/2019 17:42

Wouldn't have discussed it with your friend.

Your mate''s finances (which includes the amount he works for) are his business (and yours to the extent that they concern your own finances).

But I don't think that it's something you discuss with other people, tbh...

itsgettingweird · 20/10/2019 17:54

Ime mates swap favours.

If more people did things (within mates and families) in exchange for another good deed we'd have less waste and more cohesive communities.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 20/10/2019 17:57

How did it come up with the other friend?

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 20/10/2019 17:57

If more people did things (within mates and families) in exchange for another good deed we'd have less waste and more cohesive communities.

"We heard of your kindness. Unfortunately, being a nice person does not count as a mortgage payment"
Kind regards
Your bank

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/10/2019 18:01

Yanbu.

It sounds like a fair swap as you are best mates.

TrainspottingWelsh · 20/10/2019 18:10

itsgetting depends if it's a like for like swop. It's one thing to choose to do an altruistic favour for a close friend. But another entirely if for instance someone thinks an evening of babysitting is a fair swop for professional help that would otherwise cost significantly more than a babysitter.

Eg I traded riding lessons for a mechanics dc, in return for his skill with an old and tricky vehicle. I've let close friends dc ride when they otherwise couldn't afford it, or to try it or problem solve. But have had numerous requests to provide them in return for favours worth peanuts. Erm, no. Ditto jobs related to my actual career.

Original poster
Odetocherry · 20/10/2019 18:13

TrainspottingWelsh they came to stay and he noticed it was dangerous, we knew it was broken but not dangerous. It's pretty impossible to miss the brokenness of it though!

OP posts:
Original poster
Odetocherry · 20/10/2019 18:18

Namechangeforthiscancershit other friends asked what we'd done yesterday, I told her a friend&dp had come over, done a job and stayed over. She needs the same job doing so asked how much it would likely cost. I said friends dp said it would be in the region of X but he'd do it for a takeaway and a beer, but we couldn't let him so gave him a bed and Y as well.

OP posts:
Derbee · 20/10/2019 18:25

Your other friend sounds like a dickhead, it’s none of their business.

NotQuiteUsual · 20/10/2019 18:45

I'm so curious about what work he did. Was it repairing a gas fire?

handbagsatdawn33 · 20/10/2019 18:48

To me, "mates' rates" means COD & no paperwork, so no tax & the usual rate is adjusted accordingly.

If your mate was happy with your arrangement, it's nobody else's business - (whisper apart from HMRC.... LOL)

FreshwaterBay · 20/10/2019 18:48

There is no reason why anyone should charge less than market rate for acting in a professional capacity.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/10/2019 19:18

You should have stopped at the 'in the region of', they may now pester for the same deal.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 20/10/2019 19:21

Another time, I'd just stop at "the region of X". I quite often do "mates rates", freebies, skills swaps etc but I'd rather everyone didn't know as I'd rather decide what's right each time

R1R2 · 20/10/2019 19:46

Mates rates are a joke and as a general rule trades hate them but get brow beaten by partners and friends into it, it devalues the trade as a whole and always ends up in some form of argument.

Chickychoccyegg · 20/10/2019 19:53

what you and your friends agreed was absolutely fine, you telling your other friend was a bit unreasonable as its none of her business.