No birthday cards from GPs!

[funnylittlefloozie]

I should probably name-change for this, but dont really care. I split with my exH four years ago, he moved out. We have quite a strained relationship but he has a good relationship with our DD. DD hasnt seen her paternal GPs for about 3 years, i think.

Its just been her birthday. She got decent presents from me and from her dad. My mum gave her money, and my partner (who she gets on quite well with) is paying for something she really wants. Her friends gave her the usual teenage junk. ExH's parents didn't even send a card.

I dont like my exILs very much, never have done, but i am annoyed that they are treating their granddaughter like this. She is a great kid, works hard at school, has a job, does activities, and she hasnt had an easy time of things over the past few years.

I just want to phone up exMIL and exFIL and tell them how crap they are. Obviously i wont do it.. but i want to.

If you dont like them and your daughter hasnt seen them for about 3 years then why are you expecting a card?

Realtionships (even family relationships) take work. I have an aunt and uncle I have no contact with because we dont like each other and I defo dont expect anything from them

I understand but wouldn’t phone them. How does your dd feel about it. If she was upset she should be taking it up with her dad who should asking his parents why they are so shit.
Why the nc for 3 years.

I'm not sure why you'd expect a card when the relationship is like that. We haven't seen or spoken to MIL in nearly 2 years and birthdays aren't acknowledged from either side.
Perhaps they have left something with your ex.

Why hasn't she seen them?

Surely a more pertinent question is why she hasn't seen them for 3 years? Do they live the other side of the world?

If you blocked your ex from facilitating that relationship what do you expect?

I genuinely thought you were expecting a birthday card from your doctor at first ...
How does your DD feel about this estrangement from her GP's?
Is this something you'd feel comfortable asking your ExH about?
Your DD is fortunate to have the rest of you in her life but it must be upsetting to have been "forgotten" by her Grandparents, especially if they previously were involved.

I havent "blocked" her or them from anything. Its up to her dad to ensure contact between his daughter and his parents. When we were married, it was me who facilitated all contact (arranged visits, sent birthday cards and flowers etc). Now he doesnt have me to do the wifework, i guess he has just let the relationship with his own parents slide, and they arent bothered enough about their grandchild even to send a card. ExH is plainly too shit even to consider the problem.

Its hardly WW3, but i am upset on my DDs behalf.

How old is your daughter? Could she establish some contact if she wanted too?

Its up to her dad to ensure contact between his daughter and his parents

Why did you spilt? Was he a prick? If he was I wouldn't rely on him to do what's best for her.

Why don't you contact them and ask if they want to see her? Rather than sitting back passively fuming because it's not your 'job' why don't you do the right thing and make an effort? You don't know what he has told them so why not try. If they still don't want to know, fair enough, but if they do you will have done something absolutely huge for your DD.

If they haven't seen your DD for 3 years I am not really surprised they have stopped sending cards etc. I don't want to cause trouble between you and exH but perhaps he could have given the impression that you are to blame in some way and they have cut contact?

When did your DD last call or send a card to her GP?

DD is 17. The GPs live about 4 hours drive away from me. ExH lives about 3 hours drive away from me in the other direction, so a long way from his parents.

I have no doubt that he has told his parents that the breakup was all my fault. I would never expect them to send me a card! I am not their DIL anymore, but DD is still their granddaughter, and its unkind to take their dislike of me out on her.

It is really sad but you've relied on exDH who has proved a bit useless in this department.
I'd send them some recent photos of her, (write the birthday on one of the photos, (you could order these online) add up to date contact details/phones etc. and suggest she would appreciate it if they kept in contact with her.
And encourage DD to send them a Christmas Card and a card on their birthdays.. people her age usually just keep in touch online, but Grandparents dont seem to be able to handle that as much.
If after this attempt they still don't bother, it would be sad and petty on their part but you will have done your best to reach out.

17!!

I was excepting a young child.

Come on there is no reason why she could not have contacted them, even if it required a bit of a push from you.

17..... I thought you were going to say 4 or something. YABzu

No idea what YABzu Is

Has she sent birthday/Christmas cards to them over the last few years? If she was 14 when she last saw them then she was old enough to have sent cards or letters to them. If she hasn’t bothered why should they?

At 17 she's more than old enough to contact her grandparents herself. In fact at 14 she would have been old enough. Yabvu.

So as far as you know nobody reminded them her birthday was coming up?

No idea what YABzU is

You are being zer (spelt Sehr - means very in German) unreasonable obviously

Is she upset? I would say teenager is old enough to maintain a relationship with her grandparents entirely independently. I presume that if she hasn't bothered to keep in touch with them she probably isn't that upset about not receiving a card. If she is upset then she can always take the initiative and make contact.

My mum didn't have a good relationship with her dad and he never bought us anything. I actually thought he was dead until I happened to meet him when I was 18.
I don't feel that I missed out to be honest as he was not a nice man. I'm more gutted I never met my dad's mum who died when he was 8.

@Farfromtheusual