AIBU to tell work about my MH after being told I may have to have performance review?

[FirTree31]

I have a history of poor MH, including admission to hospital after my second child, diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, which was later made historical, insomnia, depression and anxiety.

I did a Master's and currently in first job in that field, I worked 2 and a half days and have just increases my hours after being offered more hours. Work know I have not completed an OH prior to starting at the password never worked and told me it's okay to leave it.

The last month has been very pressured, we've had several people off In our team, I'm still learning (although I've been here a year), and we've taken on extra tasks. Last week I was pulled in by line manager and told that due to my pace and prioritisation, if I do not improve I will go down informal performance review in next few weeks.

In the last couple of months I have felt very anxious, Ive not been able to get off sleeping tablets, I was dizapam, then mirtazipine, then amitriptyline and now just Sominex, which I think you are supposed to take short term,two weeks, but I've been taking for about 8 months, and sometimes Ive taken more than I ought to in utter despair trying to sleep. To culmination, I have been very forgetful recently, which has impacted work a little, but to be honest, I thought I was improving, especially given our staffing levels!

Should I tell all to work? I don't really know to what end this will achieve anyway.

I do think it was a bit foolish not to do the OH assessment originally, but what a done is done. Sort that now.

Disclosing your disability means they can review what reasonable adjustments you need - if those then enable you to perform at the standard required for the role then no further performance management will be necessary.

If they don't, then it would appear to be a genuine performance issue that they can then offer support with in the normal way. Which should come from a genuinely helpful perspective.

I say this having gone through OH assessments for MH with more than one employer, being on the receiving end of prejudice, and been at the reasonable adjustments vs performance management cross roads.

I have RAs in place and really good performance reviews now. So even where some people are awkward or clumsy, disclosing MH appropriately doesn't automatically mean you're doomed and will be managed out.

Thanks, I've had some really good advice. I think I'm going to tell them some of it (thinking as somebody pointed out that if I tell them I've been suicidal and self harmed in the past it may be too much and they may not believe I can fulfil the role) and see what happens?

@Calic0 that's nice of you, thank you. I used to agree with you and as a manager I was supportive of MH issues in my team. But having seen how issues were dealt with by others has made me much more cautious about advising people to be open and honest, it depends so much on the organisation and the manager.

As a HR professional, I would say you should definitely tell them.

They can refer you to Occupational health, look at implementing reasonable adjustments and get you other support.

It makes a big difference and with the big drive on MH, they can't ignore it... or they risk being taken to ET for discrimination.

I just authorised something for an employee with MH issues, where our policy says otherwise...seeing it as extenuating circumstances.

Feel free to PM me.

I've been too embarrassed and ashamed to mention the MH issues before, I was a little relived when I was told I didn't need my OH referral.

@FirTree31 if you are feeling like you can't trust your employer to be supportive and understanding of your MH challenges, you are not alone. There are many people too scared to admit to MH due to it being seen as a weakness.

There are several high profile campaigns in the public domain, aiming to and normalise the existence of MH problems for example Heads Together (Princes William and Harry sponsored communications) and Time to Change.

I would mention these MH campaigns when you talk about your own MH circumstances. It may have the effect of holding your employers feet to the fire in terms of being willing to acknowledge that MH issues are no different from other health problems, and they need to stand by you and support your current situation. It will hopefully stop them from weaponising the performance management process when they are heaping stress on you and blaming you rather than giving you encouragement.

aiming to destigmatise and normalise that should say

OP, I would just be cautious about oversharing MH info with an employer. It sounds like a lot of current work pressure anyway which naturally can have an effect on staff. I would choose my words carefully to avoid being the fall guy for what sounds a challenging work situation for anyone.

I’d be cautious if I were you. Can you not take a couple of weeks holiday to wean yourself off the sleeping tablets etc and see if you can start to function without them? I say this as someone who became over reliant as I suffer from anxiety, have a pressured job and find it very hard to sleep without constantly waking which makes me feel like a zombie some days (thank God for coffee).

That all said, our organisation make a big deal of mental health support but you will notice that the only people who ever publicly admit to having MH issues in the staff newsletters during MH awareness campaigns are male Directors because they are already at the top. None of them say anything about stress or MH until they are top of the tree because they know that if they had said anything when they were more junior (or female), they would not have progressed in my organisation.

There is literally no way only male Directors suffer stress. I wish it were different and hopefully my organisations an outlier but if you are relatively junior and female and want to progress, think carefully about what you say.

If there anyway to couch it as needing more direction and support, as many staff have left or a change of org structure in general without mentioning MH, try that first.

I wish it were better and I wish I could tell my employer about my anxiety and poor sleep but despite all the glossy campaigns at my place I can see how it really is and how ineffectual our HR are and don’t want to further disadvantage myself.

Am I right in thinking that you have been coping with the job + the mental health issues + being a single parent just fine to start with BUT the increase in the workload/ addition of errors (not just yours, but other people's too) because of staff shortages has led to you feeling you're struggling to keep up. And that in turn has not helped your sleeping or your mental health and you've concerns that you could be in a downward spiral?
If so work out what the company could do to relieve you of the stress: do you need extra training for example? Or could an extra pair of hands (even part time or seconded from another department) reduce the errors the team makes / relieve the backlog burden
Or is it you just need help with 'what to prioritise first'? In which case could your line manage oversee things for a while and help direct you better to improve your efficiency? Have a good think about how things could change to get you back on track

That all said, our organisation make a big deal of mental health support but you will notice that the only people who ever publicly admit to having MH issues in the staff newsletters during MH awareness campaigns are male Directors because they are already at the top

I have seen this a lot, when the organisation makes a huge splash to suit their current trendy agenda, and show about what a great equal opportunities employer they are, to actively get people to talk openly.

In the OPs situation, it is difficult to know what "being cautious" actually means re: discussing how their current specific work situation is affecting their emotional wellbeing. If you give the employer sufficient practical information for them to do something with, eg provide mentoring support, agree / negotiate reasonable deadlines etc, to reduce stress, it's a litmus test about their attitude to staff welfare.

Ariela I think that's maybe what's happened/happening,perhaps not a clear cut as that, but a version of anyway. I think I will frame it in some manner tomorrow.

I wish it were better and I wish I could tell my employer about my anxiety and poor sleep but despite all the glossy campaigns at my place I can see how it really is and how ineffectual our HR are and don’t want to further disadvantage myself

This is such a shame, and I think my organisation is the same. We are a university and much the same I think. There was a guy who worked in our office who had MH issues, he didn't always behave well, but they managed him out, they offered him severance to leave .

I'm so scared about going in to work today. I was up half the night with what I think Is a mild UTI. I've got awful anxiety. I've just got to see today's meeting as a learning curve.

OP, hope you are feeling a bit better and that the meeting isn't too daunting. Try to remain calm for your own physical and mental health. Thinking of you and hoping that the rest of the day brings improvement all round.