I've been with DP for 13 years. The last 3 have been difficult with some mental health problems with DP (though he would say these have passed and he is ok now). I have been frustrated and unhappy for a while. I went to see a therapist who on realising my real concerns about leaving him, re the effect on DC and my ability to work without shared childcare support, suggested couples therapy rather than continuing with therapy on my own. We are a few months in, but last session DP discussed how he felt excluded from his family and basically expressed jealousy that our primary age DC have more emotional warmth with me than him. He cited the fact that when we are sitting in the sofa the kids are often tucked up in the middle and cuddling me, not him. Also that DS3 often gives me a back massage and we chat or read at the same time. Am I being unreasonable to think this kind of jealousy re one's own children is just not normal. If it was the other way round I think I would feel warmth that my children loved their dad. I felt sad that a bit of close time with a young child at the end of the day where I am reading and he likes to feel some physical contact and being 'kind to his mum' (but nothing in my view that's weird or odd) is being turned into something that is dysfunctional. I heard this, when it was said by DP, as a form of coercive control and self obsession ...but felt, this week, hyper alert or uncomfortable with these aspects of my relationships with my kids which made me feel sad that my behaviours with my dc are being controlled by my alertness to how DP is reading them. I started questioning myself as to whether I 'should' be doing certain things. It seems to me as well, that with couples therapy, that the counsellor has to be 'even handed' so she is not always challenging things that are said by him and has to them pass them on to me by saying things like 'well why don't you sit next to do on the sofa' or 'hmm well maybe having a back rub from DS3 could be replacing DPs role'. Am I reading all this wrong?