Friends judging me?

[Ritascornershop]

Am I being overly sensitive or are my friends being insensitive?

I’ve got to sell my much loved house where I’ve raised my kids and where I’ve lived for over two decades. I’m sad about it, but it’s economically unavoidable (bought house from ex when we divorced).

When it comes up my friends (since childhood) look concerned and ask what I need to do to get it ready to sell. Mostly their worried faces are concerned about the garden. I’ll admit it’s not tightly manicured like a show garden with perennial beds that are 50% clean dirt around zinnias. It’s got old roses, lady’s mantle, lilacs, apple trees, lavender etc. I cut the roses twice a year, edge the beds, prune the apple trees every few years. The bushes and plum tree are not shaped, they get whacked back when they’re too big for me.

I think I’m doing pretty well considering I’ve been a single mum for a very long time, kids are now barely grown, I work almost full-time and I’m bloody exhausted.

The friends tend to say “well, people like manicured gardens”, “people might think it needs a lot of work”, “people might be put off by having flower beds to maintain”.

The whole idea of selling and moving is stressful enough, but the tutting is doing my head in. What can I say to cut them off at the pass? And as a side issue, why do people feel the need to offer unasked for judgements on stuff like this?

[SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated]

I think the fact you know you need to do something with books etc means you know you have to appeal to a broad a range as possible. what a sad statement about the modern world.

It's not. OP said boxes of books. That means a lot. It's not about people not reading (hundreds of millions ebooks sold every year on top of hundreds of million printed ones). It's about the fact that books and many other things take up a space and lots of people can't imagine it without them. When you are selling you need to present it decluttered and clean to be able to make buyers think "Yeah, that's nice and plenty of space" instead of "Oh god. There is stuff everywhere which means in few years we would have it cluttered too" ifswim.

[Ritascornershop]

I do need to pack up two bookcases (it’ll make the hall seem much bigger) & a pile behind the sofa. We also have 3-4 more armchairs (across 3 rooms) that I need to farm out to friends - but if I do it now and don’t have to list till spring they’ll be well fed up by then.

Ariadne seems to have read something I didn’t say. They all know I’m going to sell so they’ll say “how’s that going?” And I’ll say “I haven’t seen anywhere I like yet” and they respond with “you know you can’t have shoes by the door when you’re selling” or “your garden is eccentric”. I’ve never asked for opinions! And they’ve never offered to help. And the poster on the previous page who said buyers won’t care I’m a single parent?! Surely what I said can’t be read like that? Why would I think they’d give a rat’s arse who I am. I was saying to to explain why the garden is not ready for a garden tour day.

Eluzabethsgermangarden - and all other lovely people - thank you!! We do have lots of daffs in the spring, the deer eat the tulips, I want to get geraniums in pots for the porch (the porch is the only thing the EA has said I need to fix). Narcissus would be lovely in the back (so many daffodils in the front there isn’t room for more bulbs).

It’s the feeling that they’re slightly, even if fondly, sniggering at me in a “oh Rita is such a silly bohemian, she can’t see that not a soul will like her house”. Just because of the neighbourhood we bought in when the kids were tiny & not yet born, the house is worth more than my friends’ homes and (aside from needing a new roof) has been maintained and improved by me over the years, within my means.

Oh, and we do have lodgers from time to time but it’s a hassle and some have been very noisy and ... I’d like to stop having to rely on that for income. The bank isn’t interested in extending the mortgage and now the kids are grown I just get child support for the one in Uni and he’ll need that money when he changes to an out of town university next year.

This is part of the back garden. You’re seeing a lilac in the foreground, an old rose against the greenhouse, one in the centre bed on the left and one on the right, lots of ladies mantle, an apple tree, and the neighbour’s wall of greenery at the back that I don’t have any control over. It’s not at its best on a soggy October day (though I find all the greenery much more soothing that staring at the neighbour’s house).

Some of you will think it too much, some won’t, but not every house appeals to every buyer.

[Ritascornershop]

And yes, we have lots of happy bees on warm days and spiders and hawks and gulls and dozens of little birds whose names I don’t know.

[DanglyTasselsOfThigh]

I love your garden! Really, really love it 😍

[Stefoscope]

I'd speak to a few estate agents and see what they think. Personally I like a mature garden like your's as it looks a lot more private than a strip of grass surrounded by fences. I'm sure it could be marketed towards gardeners. I can see young children having hours of fun playing hide and seek amongst the trees. My current garden is very overlooked by the surrounding houses and the only reason I can see myself wanting to move on is if I found a house with a large secluded back garden.

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Your garden is bloody lovely. It'd be a selling point for me. Don't change it.

[Aridane]

It's a lovely garden - as suggested above though, I would get a gardener in for the day to,tidy up, prune & cut back etc

[ISpeakJive]

Sorry OP, but your friends have shite in their eyes! Bloody lovely that garden!

[Ritascornershop]

Thanks so much all, that’s really cheered me up! My youngest is laid up sick right now, but has hopes of working for a landscaper in the new year, so that would help. He did tons to clear out the vegetable garden (out of the photo) though by spring it’ll need sprucing up again. In the summer there’s also irises, lily of the valley, day lillies, and columbine. Oh, and hostas and ferns.

The area is very popular so I really don’t think people will be put off. I will fix the steps and rehome some of the books and furniture. And hope to win the lottery so I can stay!

[BuzzingtheBee]

Your friends sound annoying. Different people want different things! I like the sound of your garden fwiw.

[Ritascornershop]

It does strike me as odd that they assume all buyers have their taste. And I also think most people buy a house based on the house itself, and the street, and the neighborhood, maybe size of garden. I would have thought the way the garden is styled is down the list.

[Ginfordinner]

I love gardening, and your garden wouldn't put me off. I think what too many sellers overlook is that buyers are focussed mainly on location and amenities, but most buyers will look at a house and think "this will take too much time and too much money to make it how I like it" which is why the universl advice to declutter and tidy up is just common sense.

After all you want to appeal to as many buyers as possible, not just the doer uppers.

[Milkstick]

lionel I once saw a hefty dandelionesque weed that had shoved its way through some astroturf. I cheered.

[Milkstick]

Just seen pic OP. I'd love that garden. Greenhouse envy over here!

[misspiggy19]

Sorry but I think your garden is messy and unloved.

[Ritascornershop]

It’s most definitely not unloved!! 😳 I love it to bits (and do work on it when I think it’s needed & I’m not too knackered). Unloved! As if.

[Hugsandpastries]

Your garden is lovely - I like wild style gardens with plenty of trees and cover. Straight lines and short grass are boring. We need more gardens like yours to help give nature a space.

[NoSauce]

I’m sure it is lovely OP and you’ve definitely tried hard but if you’re going to sell your house it would need a big overhaul imo to attract a buyer.

[Ritascornershop]

Nosauce, I would have assumed your opinion was the vast majority, but the thread seems to indicate there’s a fair amount of people who like a private garden with bushes, roses, and trees.

And we tidy the beds in the spring, partly because it’s meant to be better for small animals to overwinter and partly because council picks up garden cuttings for free in the early spring.

[MotorwayDiva]

We bought a house which was over grown, not manicured etc, it's my project, if it had been perfect garden I wouldn't have wanted to dig it up to put in vegatable garden or the plants that I wanted. Selling in spring is good if you have lots of flowers
coming up and let people know they are fruit trees, that was a bonus to us

[HollowTalk]

Surely the thing is that it doesn't matter. If a gardener buys it they will love working in it and redesigning it to suit them. If someone buys it who hates gardening and wants astroturf then they can spend a few hundred on getting it cleared. That isn't much in the scheme of things.

I think if bushes are blocking the light then they should be cut back as that will have an impact on people as they walk around. Yes, they can cut back themselves but they have to be wowed when they walk into a house and if it's dark, that's unlikely to happen.

Love that your house is worth more than your friends' homes, though

[Witchend]

Thing is though, I love your garden. I would love wandering through it and being able to get lost between the bushes. It's got a mysterious feel, which I love.

BUT:
I wouldn't want to own it. I don't like gardening, and I see a garden that's overgrown and will need a lot of work to keep it in check.

I think that might be your problem. People that like gardening would be thinking there isn't a lot they can do other than maintenance without taking stuff out, and there's a heck of a lot to do to get it into a good state.
People who don't like gardening will be thinking that if they don't keep on top of it, then it will be totally wild very quickly (says the person who had nearly half her garden covered with brambles earlier in the year)

[NoSauce]

NoSauce, I would have assumed your opinion was the vast majority, but the thread seems to indicate there’s a fair amount of people who like a private garden with bushes, roses, and trees

I’ve sold a fair few houses in my time, two with large gardens with quite a lot of trees, bushes, plants etc. Even when I’d had a gardener in for the few months before selling, ( and they were pretty neat and tidy ) some people were worried about how much maintenance they would need and in the feedback the garden were high up on the list of the reason they didn’t proceed.

All I’m saying just because you love it be prepared for someone looking to buy not to.

Let’s hope you get some gardening enthusiasts round though to view. Good luck when the time comes OP.

[NoSauce]

HollowTalk I think you’re forgetting just how fickle people can be when buying a house. A LOT of viewers can’t see beyond what needs doing and they’re very easily put off by even the smallest thing.

Ripping the garden out and laying AstroTurf would be considered a huge job to some people and to be fair it is a big job.

People want an easy life, if they’ve a young family their budget will be going on redecorating, new carpets, possibly new kitchen/bathroom etc so having to factor in landscaping the garden would imo put people off.

[Cohle]

I'm sorry you don't feel supported by your friends OP, it sounds like you're in a tough situation.

However I think it can be really hard to be objective about your own property. If several friends, who have actually seen your garden in the flesh, expressed concerns about it unprompted then I think you need to give serious thought to whether it needs a bit of work. I imagine your friends have your best interests at heart, even if they are expressing it clumsily.