Friends judging me?

[Ritascornershop]

Am I being overly sensitive or are my friends being insensitive?

I’ve got to sell my much loved house where I’ve raised my kids and where I’ve lived for over two decades. I’m sad about it, but it’s economically unavoidable (bought house from ex when we divorced).

When it comes up my friends (since childhood) look concerned and ask what I need to do to get it ready to sell. Mostly their worried faces are concerned about the garden. I’ll admit it’s not tightly manicured like a show garden with perennial beds that are 50% clean dirt around zinnias. It’s got old roses, lady’s mantle, lilacs, apple trees, lavender etc. I cut the roses twice a year, edge the beds, prune the apple trees every few years. The bushes and plum tree are not shaped, they get whacked back when they’re too big for me.

I think I’m doing pretty well considering I’ve been a single mum for a very long time, kids are now barely grown, I work almost full-time and I’m bloody exhausted.

The friends tend to say “well, people like manicured gardens”, “people might think it needs a lot of work”, “people might be put off by having flower beds to maintain”.

The whole idea of selling and moving is stressful enough, but the tutting is doing my head in. What can I say to cut them off at the pass? And as a side issue, why do people feel the need to offer unasked for judgements on stuff like this?

[Corna]

Your garden sounds beautiful and I am sorry you have to move.
I hate that wierd concern trolling that some people like to do. I'd keep a box of hand tools in the house and suggest that they pick one out and roll up their sleeves anytime there is a mention of the garden needing work.

[DanglyTasselsOfThigh]

I really like the sound of your garden OP. I hate a garden that is too structured. I want a little peace of nature to sit in! Not wild but natural looking.

I cannot be the only one and I've spotted pps who agree!

[sandgrown]

Op your garden sounds like one I would love. I have an eclectic mix of plants Iike. DP likes manicured park type gardens which are so boring. The privacy would also be a plus for me. I like homes that look like someone actually lives there. I would do a general tidy and if it does not sell then you may have to rethink.
I was a single parent for years and it's bloody hard work. It's a shame you have to sell. Could you consider having a lodger or student for some extra income ? Good Luck x

[ginghamtablecloths]

You aren't being over-sensitive. Leaving a much-loved house and garden is very upsetting and your friends' comments aren't helping.
A good EA will call your house 'a gardener's delight' and hopefully the right people will come round, fall in love with it and buy it because of the garden which sounds delightful.
I assume you're in Britain, don't forget we're a nation of gardeners and your friends sound like Philistines.

[KUGA]

I wouldn`t worry about the garden tbh.
People put their own stamp into it,pretty much the same as they do to the house.
Personally I prefer an un-manicured garden as I would have to keep the hard work up.
FORGET THAT.
Also ignore friends comments,thats just their opinion.

[Kiwiinkits]

Talk to your bank about extending or pausing your mortgage for a bit.
It costs a lot to move. A lot. Don’t forget to add that in when considering whether it’s worthwhile.

[deplorabelle]

Your house sounds like my house and I love it. I would definitely buy a house with a garden like you describe.

People are so WEIRD about gardens these days, which honestly doesn't bode well for the future, because we are trying to sterilise nature out of existence. I know of several people near me who have felled trees to stop their cars getting dirty. My mother in law's neighbour asked her to chop trees down to stop "brown bits" on their patio!!! We are doomed if this sort of thing keeps up.

[nettie434]

Your house and garden sound gorgeous. Lots of armchairs, books and a secluded garden with old roses etc sounds like a fantasy holiday house to me!

Agree with the posters saying that if the price is right the house will sell and only think about getting the garden done if it’s not selling.

It’s sad you have to sell and I know it can be hard comparing yourself to people who have been luckier in terms of financial security. However, you sound as if when you do move, you will be the sort of person who creates a lovely new home that is a bit more manageable financially.

[OneTerrificMouse]

I'd prefer that to a ridiculous square of lawn.

Is there absolutely no way to keep the house?

[JorisBonson]

Ignore them. We bought a house with a big garden that's just grass. Next door have a beautiful mature garden and I'm jealous. I'd love a mature garden but don't know where to start!

[RaininSummer]

If it helps, when I move in few years, a garden like your is what I am looking for. Fruit trees and wild cottage plants are top of my list.

[funnylittlefloozie]

My DP and i are tentatively discussing moving in together. We are looking for a cosier house with a cottage-type garden, and all we can really find are sterile new builds with sterile gardens. If i walked into a house that was full of books and armchairs, i would have a very positive view of it, and could see myself living there. So, there are definitely people like us who will love your house as much as you do.

[ElsieMc]

We have a similar sounding house which is now too big for us valued last year. It was priced similarly with a small estate of newbuilds. I was worried we couldn't compete with these immaculate homes with fabulous kitchens. The Estate Agent told me he would buy mine any day of the week over those and as he was also selling them he would certainly make more money from them from sales, so there was hopefully no bs.

People who don't want a big garden simply won't be interested in your house anyway. That said, there are plenty of people who do not want the work of a big garden, my dd being one of them. Her and her dh often ask us to mow their tiny lawn which they see as some kind of problem! And yes, her house is furnished by Next and IKEA but I still like it. They now want "character" though. I pointed out that with character, comes work. Sometimes people don't know what they want, until they visit your property and get that "feeling".

Don't take your friends comments so much to heart op. I think it's the stress and sadness of leaving your family home.

[Freemind]

What a wrench for you - if the house is too big and expensive, could you take in a lodger or two to bring in some more income? You could do a weekdays only or a full week, but you can earn up to around £7k pa without declaring it for tax. It saved my home when things got too much for me. Helped get the Ds through uni too.

[Ginfordinner]

I like the sound of your garden, but without a photo it is difficult to judge. If you aren't putting your house on the market until spring it might be worth either asking your friends to muck in for a day to tidy it up before the photos, or saving up for a gardener who will have all the right equipment to do a tidy up job in a day.

[Beveren]

When I'm looking at houses, all I care about in gardens is that they are adequate for what I want, which basically is not much more than room for flowerbeds, for the children to play, and for me to sit out there. Sure, I'd be put off if the garden is full of rubbish, but that's not the case for you. If anything, something absolutely immaculate might put me off, it would be a bit intimidating and wouldn't feel like "my" garden.

[KnickerBockerAndrew]

I don't know. There are plenty of people on this thread who share your taste in gardens, but that may not be representative of the potential buyers you'll have coming through the door. I have a garden like that and can't change it (rented)- I find that a lot of plants can make it seem a lot smaller than it actually is, and claustrophobic. I don't really understand why several of your friends would repeatedly point out that it may be an issue if it isn't.
The same goes for the house- the books are fine, but lots of armchairs in a room is going to make it feel smaller. It's a balance between keeping it cosy and showing it at its best. There's a big grey area between cottagey and clinical box- it doesn't have to be one or the other

[Bluntness100]

Can you post pics?

I've seen some quite unpleasant looking gardens on some houses, where they do need a good tidy, and I'm wondering if your friends are just trying to help, rather than judge. They are telling you it's a bit messy and might put people off.

[barnun]

I live in a flat in the city and your house sounds like my dream house! Not everyone loves neat manicured lawns.

@deplorabelle many years ago I was moving out of a student house and we had the final walk-through with the owners and the agent. The owners complained that there was a spider and a spiderweb in the garden. Even the agent was at that one. “What, was it catching flies?” she said.

Some people would rather get rid of the spiderwebs, kill the spiders then use fly spray on all the flies that are suddenly about!

[1frenchfoodie]

Ladys mantle, old roses and natural shaped bushes plus too many books, bookcases and armchairs. Sounds like just my sort of place and it must be a wrench to have to sell. The estate agent knows your potential market best, unless they say the garden will put people off then just smile and ignore your friends.

[msjrmesq]

If they are that worried then perhaps they could offer to help you to sort out the garden.

[IdiotInDisguise]

Single mum here who will be where you are in a few years time. But also a former property developer.

Stop being so sensitive about the garden, once you are selling you need to stop seeing your garden/house as yours, and put yourself on the shoes of a buyer who may be put off to have a look at the house just because of the unattractive garden, your friends are just telling you where the sale can go wrong.

I understand that as a single mum you cannot just call a gardener and pay thousands to have the garden sorted, but it might be a good idea to start clearing off unsightly plants and grass because believe me... the look of it can knock down £10,000s of pounds from the value of the house.

So it is your choice, you can either get protective about your property, or start listening and try your best to do something about it within your means.

[Hippee]

We definitely bought our house because of the garden. Loads of my friends are on the waiting list for allotments. There's a rising interest in grow-your-own food and bringing children up with gardening around us. Good luck! Hope you find somewhere lovely to downsize to.

[OMGshefoundmeout]

Our last house had a big and somewhat neglected garden. We cut the grass and trimmed the hedges once it was on the market and it sold for the asking price very quickly and the eventual purchasers were particularly keen on the garden. We are still friends with the next door neighbour who tells us that the new owners spend all day every day out there and have completely transformed it.

[isseywithcats]

When we were house hunting our priority was a garage, decent sized kitchen, reasonable sized bedrooms and front room then last one list was a half decent garden so we had some outside space, the house weve bought when we looked at it the grass was about a foot high as it had been empty for a while, well quell surprise we still havent got round to cutting the grass or lopping the pine tree that needs doing so i wouldnt worry about the garden too much, its the house that people look at first