Friends judging me?

[Ritascornershop]

Am I being overly sensitive or are my friends being insensitive?

I’ve got to sell my much loved house where I’ve raised my kids and where I’ve lived for over two decades. I’m sad about it, but it’s economically unavoidable (bought house from ex when we divorced).

When it comes up my friends (since childhood) look concerned and ask what I need to do to get it ready to sell. Mostly their worried faces are concerned about the garden. I’ll admit it’s not tightly manicured like a show garden with perennial beds that are 50% clean dirt around zinnias. It’s got old roses, lady’s mantle, lilacs, apple trees, lavender etc. I cut the roses twice a year, edge the beds, prune the apple trees every few years. The bushes and plum tree are not shaped, they get whacked back when they’re too big for me.

I think I’m doing pretty well considering I’ve been a single mum for a very long time, kids are now barely grown, I work almost full-time and I’m bloody exhausted.

The friends tend to say “well, people like manicured gardens”, “people might think it needs a lot of work”, “people might be put off by having flower beds to maintain”.

The whole idea of selling and moving is stressful enough, but the tutting is doing my head in. What can I say to cut them off at the pass? And as a side issue, why do people feel the need to offer unasked for judgements on stuff like this?

[Musmerian]

OP - your garden sounds lovely. I hate manicured gardens. I was told to remove my books when selling as it might put people off!

[NoSauce]

I think when selling your house the garden should be neat. Even if it’s not your thing. Something that looks like it needs a lot of maintenance would put many people off.

[GreySheep]

FWIW @Ritascornershop I’d love your garden as it is. Private, decent size and full of wild nature plants so I could keep some I loved and thin out where needed. Heaven!

Ignore your friends. They’re being weird. If they comment again tell them to put up or shut up. Either they offer to do some gardening or they don’t get a say on what you do.

[PineappleLumps]

Ignore them! My mum bought a house of a lovely couple who had a immaculate garden etc. She ripped it up and had it landscaped. So I really wouldn’t Fret, people make things theor own.

[NoSauce]

If the OP wants to sell her house it might be unwise to ignore them. They may have a valid point. But without photos who knows?

[Lowbrow]

Your house and garden sound lovely, shame you have to sell it.

[GreySheep]

*mature plants not mature plants

[GreySheep]

mature plants not nature* plants. I give up stupid phone

[TimetohittheroadJack]

If you need to sell the house you want the maximum amount of money for it.

That means de personalising it and getting rid of clutter. Put your stuff in storage for ask a friend to use their loft. Get your children to help.

People want to imagine there things in their potential new house.

Get the children and any willing friends out weeding the garden and making it tidy and manageable.

It doesn’t matter what you like your house and garden to look like. This is about selling it and getting the maximum amount of money so you can move on.

[SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated]

Tbh if it were 1 person saying it, I would ignore, but if it's more of them, they might have a point. Agree with pp. Hard to say without seeing it

[AutumnRose1]

You didn't ask for advice

They are being ridiculous

Lots of people would rather have your garden that the kind of thing they are suggesting. It sounds wonderful!

[suggestionsplease1]

If it makes a difference to the potential sale price it's probably worth considering - you want to make as much money as you can. Ask local agents; if they think it matters to what price you achieve I would probably get something done.

[NoSauce]

Lots of people would rather have your garden that the kind of thing they are suggesting. It sounds wonderful!

Hmm, maybe, but will these “lots of people” be potentially buying the OPs house?

It’s common knowledge that when selling your house you declutter and depersonalise everywhere in order to strengthen a sale.

Most people want an easy garden.

[SusieOwl4]

there are interest only mortgages about again now ? could you not re-mortgage and sell later ?

[Aridane]

If you can afford it, I would get a gardener in for a day to do a thorough tidy up

[MereDintofPandiculation]

If it makes a difference to the potential sale price it's probably worth considering - you want to make as much money as you can. But it does depend on how much money you need to spend to achieve this. There's not much point in trashing the garden and replacing it by a tidy sterile lawn and a few selected plants model if you don't also have the money to keep all your stuff in storage, repaint the inside entirely in grey, and update the kitchen and bathroom.

Most people want an easy garden - but don't seem to realise that a lawn is one of the most labour intensive bits, and that a flower bed densely planted is much easier to maintain than one with lots of bare soil between the plants to provide easy germination spots for weeds.

[katewhinesalot]

People like gardens but many don't want to think they'll have to spend hours out there maintaining it.
Make it neat, but people can make it maintenance free themselves if they want to. It won't be a deal breaker for many. The house is more important.

[gamerwidow]

Most people won't care about the garden unless it is ridiculously overgrown and they have to hack it back for a week just to see the ground. Everyone will be looking to put their own stamp on the house and even if they didn't like the garden would be able to see the potential.

[GrumpiestCat]

It sounds like a mature garden with a nice mix of established plants and trees. See how you get on with the sale, if it's putting people off you might have to tackle it to get the sale you want. I fell in love with a house with a jungly garden of roses and trees and windy little paths under trellises bursting with all sorts it felt like The Secret Garden even though it was quite chaotic and would have taken a lot of looking after/tidying up. If I'd have been able to afford the house I'd not have been remotely worried about the garden not being pristine. It had character.

[RockinHippy]

Your garden sounds lovely. I hate overly manufactured twee gardens, your friends ideas would put me off. I want something semi wild I can put my stamp on

[gavisconismyfriend]

Your garden sounds absolutely fine. Friends are probably trying to be helpful but just don’t have a clue what it’s like to have to manage everything on your own. Next time they comment maybe say something like - I’m sure there are lots of things about the house and garden that would benefit from a bit of improvement but there’s a limit to what I can manage on my own, so I’ve done the best I can and have decided to focus on the positives rather than the negatives so that I don’t end up feeling overwhelmed and like a failure. - perhaps then they might realise the impact of their words and might even offer to help......

[LastSamurai]

Nowhere has the OP suggested that the garden is unkempt she weeds, mows the lawn, edges the beds, prunes the roses twice a year and the trees and bushes when necessary she has said it's not a 'rectangle of grass'. Her friends, by the sound of it, are 'rectangle of grass' people, so them flowerbeds look like to them like some kind of high-maintenance life-sentence.

[Hodge00079]

From what you have said you mention you will be selling house. If friends start being negative about house that is unsolicited.

If you said I will be selling house in spring what needs to be done? Totally different.

Friends may not mean anything but sound a bit insensitive. Coming up with a list of things that need doing negative. If they suggested a garden/house party if you wanted it.

I think the fact you know you need to do something with books etc means you know you have to appeal to a broad a range as possible.

If someone loves house they will overlook things. If just like it they will use things to get money off. It’s a balance though, do you spend time/money. Painting porch could be quick / may be inexpensive and make all the difference.

Anyway EA can tell you that and will probably be a bit less personal. If friends say it, however well meaning feels like insulting your home. Plenty of us probably moan about our home but different when someone else says it.

While there may be some jobs that may be better done sooner than later. Plenty you do not need to do your head in about now.

Ask friends if you can add them to renovation party list. That will soon shut them up. Unless they are the House Doctor type who would totally take over.

[SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated]

OP with you selling you might want to get more resilient to opinions of others.
I’m just quite worn out from 15 years of single parenting (I had sole custody) without any help from friends and family, so having people imply that there’s something wrong with my much-loved home is getting to me (perhaps more than it should).
1 as shit as it is buyers will not give a hoot about you being single parent. They just won't.
2 You will be getting a feedback from them on your house and the feedback will not always be positive.

Have a look at other houses in your area and how they are presented. Especially the ones which sold recently. Your garden sounds great when you describe it here, but that's a lot because of your feelings towards it. I've seen "lovely matured and wildlife friendly garden with x and y. A perfect place to unwind" and most of them needed massive clearing because because bushes in a back were suffering and being chocked by other ones, weed was rife, wildlife friendly actually meant most is unkept and in 2 years the trees would be too big for it (who the hell plants walnut tree in a standard size garden🙄). You may love it, but when you are selling that doesn't matter. It's about others loving it so they are willing to pay.
I agree though, that plain super manicured gardens are boring af. There is the golden middle which can greatly help sell and add value

[MereDintofPandiculation]

I think the fact you know you need to do something with books etc means you know you have to appeal to a broad a range as possible. what a sad statement about the modern world.