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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try and maintain baby routine

19 replies

Routinemummy · 19/10/2019 22:20

Hi everyone
Just needing opinions tonight. My 9 month old DD has just started sleeping through the night following sleep training, a consistent bedtime routine and her room being dark. Also she sleeps better when at approximately the same hour every night (7.30pm latest).
We get a couple of invites for diner and stay over with friends and family but I don’t feel comfortable ruining all the routine that works to please the people. Before having baby i would say yes without hesitation but now I’m always thinking that DD is so comfy in her room and bed that she won’t find that in other people house (no cot, no dark room mainly sleep in living room) and I’m dreading her returning to her old habits and waking up several times a night.
AIBU to just nicely ignore family who insist on overnight invites when the conditions are not great for her to sleep well? For instance sister in law living 4 hours by train hasn’t got cot so we’d have to sleep in the same bed with baby (which I love btw as we co-slept for 8 months, but worry she may refuse her cot when coming home) and other screaming children who sleep late at night.
I know I’m Maybe being selfish, just gotten used to her sleeping better and me too as a result!
Thanks for your opinions!’

OP posts:

TrainspottingWelsh · 19/10/2019 22:22

Do whatever works for you, but it would have drove me mad needing to be at home for 7.30 every single night

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 19/10/2019 22:25

You do what's right for you - considering you have only just got your baby into a routine and sleeping through I can totally understand why you want to maintain. In a few months you may feel differently.

moonlight1705 · 19/10/2019 22:25

You can pick up a good travel cot quite cheaply if you want to keep the cot. I'm sure you're relatives won't mind you putting her to bed at the right hour and in a dark spare room so you can enjoy the evening.

Otherwise I agree with you, a night out is often not worth the hassle of changing routine for me but I'm a home body anyway.

moonlight1705 · 19/10/2019 22:26

Your relatives not you're

moobar · 19/10/2019 22:28

I'm exactly the same OP. DD is one next week and is finally sleeping after a year.

Can I ask out of interest, for those of you who have been through sleep hell. When is it ok to break the routine after finally getting one?? We were meant to go out tonight and there was not a chance. I'm wondering for example by Christmas?

I'm still working on the premise at the moment that it's a fluke anyway but just wondered,

OpportunityKnocks · 19/10/2019 22:30

Yanbu, although i get why people would think yabu. But they aren't in the thick of establishing a whole night of unbroken sleep. A whole nights sleep after 9 months of broken sleep is something I would fiercely protect. I am jealous of a full nights sleep

Mumdiva99 · 19/10/2019 22:31

Goodness - no - I wouldn't. Your baby will not be so young or difficult for long. She has to be your priority for a while. Just stay home. Can S-I-L come and see you instead? (pay for her to stay in a local hotel if you don't have enough room at yours - probably wouldn't cost much more than going to see her).

OlderthenYoungerNow · 19/10/2019 22:31

We broke the routine when we needed to, probably a couple of times a month and kept it regularly the rest of the time. Get a travel cot, keep the same toy and a fresh cot sheet that smells of you and replicate the routine at other's houses.

We only do this when we actually want to though, not to please others!

Celebelly · 19/10/2019 22:31

I think it's easy to say 'dispense with routine, babies need to adapt, you can't live your life around their sleep routine' when you have a good sleeper anyway. My 8mo DD is v adaptable and can go to bed late for an odd night or somewhere else with no real issues, so to me it's not a problem. But if she had been a bad sleeper and had finally got it sussed then I would definitely think twice about disrupting something that was working if it wasn't essential. Sleep is a priority to me, so I would place that above a lot of things!

Cornettoninja · 19/10/2019 22:32

In all honesty how long do you see yourself doing this for? Relatively speaking it’s a tiny amount of time they’re small and if this is what you need to do for now then crack on instead of putting yourself in stressful situations.

When she’s a bit more established (probably when you don’t refer to it as a ‘new routine’ ) you can periodically test her out to see how much disturbance she can weather.

The bottom line is you do what you need to. It’s you that has to deal with the potential consequences so if you’re not comfortable with the way the pro’s and con’s stack up then don’t be cowed into going against your instinct.

I had/have a less than stellar sleeper who requires a lot of my resources to ensure I don’t lose my sanity and It was really hard to cope with the opinions of people who just don’t get it but I reached the conclusion they’re generally not the ones offering any practical help so feck ‘em.

jgjgjgjgjg · 19/10/2019 22:56

Why don't you just get a babysitter? You can put her to bed as normal and then go straight out.

RandomMess · 19/10/2019 23:14

Use a travel cot at home for naps/ some nights it means they are so much more likely to sleep happily in it when elsewhere!

Countryescape · 20/10/2019 00:40

I’d buy a travel cot and a portable blackout blind. Give it a go, you might be surprised

soolar · 20/10/2019 07:15

Get a travel cot!
I had two bad sleepers but still wouldn't like to restrict myself in this way.

CycleWoman · 20/10/2019 07:28

I was in your shoes! My DS was a terrible sleeper and once we got him sleeping through the night there was no way we would mess with it!!!

However, I don’t think it means you have to miss overnight trips. Like others said, get a travel cot and a black out blind (The Geo Company do one) and give it a go. Our woeful sleeper did just fine!

We don’t stay out late with him though. He’s still home and in bed at 730pm and he’s 2! He’s very flexible and relaxed in some ways but not in the sleep department.

astonishedzebra · 20/10/2019 07:39

Yanbu
One disrupted night could mean a week of disruption and trying to get back to normal routine.

beargrass · 20/10/2019 08:01

I think if you can do the same thing before bed and put them down at the same time, in similar conditions (second the blackout blind), I'd consider it.

But I remember very well, what not sleeping is like. Unless you've experienced it, you can't understand! So it's really your choice.

user1493413286 · 20/10/2019 08:07

I found at that age that DDs sleep was so easily effected it was better to keep to the routine. We managed to visit people overnight by just keeping to her routine while there but I wouldn’t do it without a cot or if it was going to involve dinner out as the resulting awful night just wouldn’t be worth it for me. It’s not for long as by 1 my DD was much more flexible with later night or new environments but when you’re so new into a routine that works I’d say keep to it.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 20/10/2019 08:28

I feel you OP. Our first was a terrible sleeper and when you finally have a routine working- it is everything. I wouldn't have risked it for anyone.

Sleep is so important but you don't appreciate how important until you've been chronically deprived of it. Ignore anyone complaining, do what works for you.

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