My parents are smothering me and I know they mean well but just FO???

[Sweetpeach3]

Ok so long story short. Iv not long came out of an abusive relationship- was stuck in it for 6 years. Have 2 kids and 1 on the way all with the same guy. I have my own house, never asked them or anyone for anything and iv always done everything on my own
it's always just been me an the kids. And I love that , I rarely seen them due to appointments and various things like ilness etc unless I went to theirs and I know they didn't like my EX so they never came to "our house". They never used to have the kids or help out with them. They've had sleepovers probably about 5 times in 3 years, I don't expect them to have them either
Me and my mum speak everyday for a good half hour on the phone to catch up and have a chat about the day so we are close. But now iv left And back in my own house their coming round every day. Ringing asking what I'm doing, why don't I want to go shopping with them if I say no. Moaning at why am I letting my ex see the kids etc. Just constantly in my face and it's really annoying me. Saying my dad wil drive 20mins to take me to an appointment that takes me 15 mins to walk? I walk everywhere literally. An they will come have kids for an hour give me a break, just judging everything I do like when they come around and if my phone rings or I reply to a text they moan saying I shouldn't be on it when they are their - even if kids are at school. I don't make them enough brews when they come. Do I want my mum to stay overnight like ??? Iv got 3 kids why would I ??
Now her new one is because my ex isn't going to be at my birth she's going to cut the baby's cord not can she and it's going through me because she's been their for my last 2 births and she's to much in your face an touchy feely. She doesn't help she just seems get in the way and she doesn't mean to she means well but I'm not touchy feely or anything I just like to be left to do what I need to do?? Sounds strange but if I'm in pain I don't want you rub my back it annoys me. I'd rather deal with it in my own way and I don't want her at the birth I feel like she's taking over saying she's backed her hospital bag???? So she's guna do mine an the baby's next??? I can do my ducking own thank you an why do you need one it's me an the baby who would be staying overnight if anything and my past 2 births Iv been home within 5 hours so I ain't packing for a few days here!

It's really freaking bugging me and I know they mean well but for 6 years Iv been on my own. Relied on myself and managed just fine. Yea it may be a rough patch for me atm but I have friends an they don't over stay their welcome like they do an their topic of conversation isn't my ex and what's going on. It's just normal chit chat.
Their really getting me down and I feel so bad but I just want to get back to been me and doing things how I like not around them and them coming dosing at my house when they feel cos when I have plans they moan I'm to busy for them and I'm been u great full. But I'm not. I am great full they wana help now but I don't need it iv done fine for how many years il be fine now.
I just want to get on with my life it's making me an the kids more unsettled as their coming and going an dosing around. We have a routine we go playgroups and have play days with friends and then school etc. They just don't see this. Also they smoke and I don't never have and they do it at my front / back door an my house stinks then!! Il bleach for a good hour when they've gone get rid o the smell off my sofa and house. Iv told them this and it still hasn't registered. I duno what to do ???
I am 32 weeks pregnant so I am hormonal aswel and probably getting more wound up then I would usually but they are getting to me!!

Sorry for my long ass rant !

Sir he down and tell her how she is making you feel. If you don't want her at the birth then don't have her there. Like you've said, you're an adult and a parent yourself and you know what you need and want. If she's too much for you to handle then tell her to back off. If she gets upset then you've still got what you wanted, which will be some space away from her.

Assuming they are normal people and going by the fact you talk to your mum every day on the phone (although who calls who?) I would say they sound relieved you are out of an abusive relationship and trying to be supportive.

@cheesydoesit il sometimes call her an she will sometimes call me. But if I don't answer she will just ring and ring and ring! I was bathing the kids this morning and had 6 missed calls. It can be abit much. We are normal (to a digree) yes haha! And I know their trying to support me and their relived for me but this isn't helping and they know that because of how well the know me. I can handle her on the phone but in person in my face I struggle with
Once a week is fine. Not everyday!

Sounds like my mum OP, I really understand. When I had my newborn she would text me every 15 minutes and get annoyed with me for not calling her even though I was dealing with a brand new baby. Then she would come over and bring 100 things I already had, she buys my daughter a new toy doll every time we see her and sometimes things that take up lots of space eg bikes or play cots without even asking so we have a room full of the same stuff we didn't need.

I know how you feel because some might see it as ungrateful but I see it as they dismiss your feelings or your wants and assume they know what you want. it's annoying. Sometimes on WhatsApp I'll reply to her and after I've sent one small message she'll send me a paragraph with 100 questions in it.

I've made it clear to her she gives me anxiety when she calls me constantly and I literally don't answer her calls if I don't want to and she's backed off a bit.

Your rant just reminded me of how I feel sometimes, suffocated and wanted to let you know your not overreacting, it's too much.

My DM was pretty outrageous when I was pregnant but actually my parents started to become quite controlling so be careful not to replace your ex with then having to fulfill what your parents want from you. When my long term relationship to an abusive ex finally broke down I was recovering from a major injury which actually DM thrived on because I needed her and couldn't do anything for myself. She found it really difficult as I recovered and found my confidence. I remember being well enough to browse on my own whilst we were shopping and she rang my dad up horrified because I'd 'run off' (I'd had leg surgery, I wasnt running anywhere lol). He reminded her that I was nearly 25 not a toddler! Stick to your boundaries. Its lovely they want to help but your birth in particularly should be about you and what you want.

I had my Mum at my first two births but didnt have her at my last birth this year because she died last year! Also she didnt really want to be at the births anyway and only came because I had split up with the Dad who was violent so I would say just be thankful you have a supportive Mum who cares.