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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think TAs shouldn't be in the same class are their own child?

29 replies

FireUnderpants · 19/10/2019 18:37

DS is in yr1, he has a permanent medical condition which requires a lot of help at school due to his age. At the start of this school year the school got funding for an extra member to staff to help him.

Absolutely brilliant, we didn't think it would get granted.

The new person is a parent of a child in the same class. Things have not been great. There's been several huge fuck ups and the hospital who provide training are stepping in. Trust has been damaged and its more difficult as it's not 'Mrs xyz' it's 'Random Names mum'.

OP posts:
Mammylamb · 19/10/2019 18:40

I’m actually surprised that’s allowed

PurpleDaisies · 19/10/2019 18:41

It’s not ideal. Most schools will avoid it.

funmummy48 · 19/10/2019 18:42

If the TA\LSA isn't doing a good job it would seem unlikely that it's because her child is in the same class.....unless there's more to this? Is she can favouring her child or is her child causing a problem with yours? I worked in my daughter's class and it was fine. She was treated just like the other pupils by me and the teacher.

PurpleDaisies · 19/10/2019 18:43

Reading it again, it sounds like it’s the fact that she’s incompetent and untrained that’s the issue, rather than necessarily her being a parent of someone in the class.

birdsdestiny · 19/10/2019 18:47

I don't think it's great practice and the schools I work into arrange their staffing to avoid it when they can. I think op is saying that it makes the situation more stressful rather than that it caused the problems?

Original poster
FireUnderpants · 19/10/2019 18:54

Sorry, my post isn't clear. I also misspelled in the title ffs. It's more that we know her from the class rather than the fact her DC is also there.

She's actually terrible at the job.

OP posts:
Chickenlady25 · 19/10/2019 18:56

If she's terrible at the job that is the issue. My mum was a TA at my primary school, which meant she was the TA for my class for a year and it caused no issues at all because she was professional and good at her job.

fourseatsandasteeringwheel · 19/10/2019 19:09

I think it is typically avoided if the school is of a size where it can be done. However I do think it depends on the individual. I was actually my child's teacher although was told by him and some of his friends I was harder on him than others.

amy85 · 19/10/2019 19:27

I hate when schools employ parents who have kids there...my sons' school does this a lot and it awkward as hell especially as many are rubbish at their job

Whynotnowbaby · 19/10/2019 19:30

It’s not generally a problem for staff children to be in their classes but I think it is bad practice for them to have their own child in the class in their first year of working there as they may - as op has found - not be the right person for the job and it is then difficult for parents to separate the parent role from the professional role. An established and respected staff member is unlikely to have the same issues.

PicaK · 19/10/2019 19:43

The child in the class thing has absolutely nothing to do with it. Incompetence is. But is it her fault. Has she not had training. Are the teachers pulling her away for other things. You seem to be assuming she's gazing adoringly at her child and ignoring yours. Maybe but you're on a hiding to nothing from that angle. Concentrate on the goals you want to achieve. You mention the relationship and I guarantee the school will focus their energy on denying that's the case rather than sorting the problem

Original poster
FireUnderpants · 19/10/2019 19:48

I've said nothing to the school about her being another class parent. My point is it's been harder to complain because I know her.

OP posts:
WhiskeyLullaby · 19/10/2019 19:50

The issue isn't that she's in the same class as your child. The issue is that she can't do the job and doesn't have the training/skills for it, or isn't given the time to do it. When it comes to your child's education and possibly health, "x's mum" shouldn't come into it. She's Miss Y and should be doing her job properly.

Tbh, if she's new to this (medical needs and/or TA'ing) it's the school's fault really. The should've had her replace another TA that has experience and is good at at least one of those. It's a steep enough learning curve even without the added pressure of medical needs.

Original poster
FireUnderpants · 19/10/2019 19:51

'You seem to be assuming she's gazing adoringly at her child and ignoring yours.'

Not at all. But she has guesstimated drug dosages, not recorded them correctly and failed to respond to an emergency at all despite an alarm on a medical device ringing.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 19/10/2019 19:55

But she has guesstimated drug dosages, not recorded them correctly and failed to respond to an emergency at all despite an alarm on a medical device ringing.

That’s awful. Her being a parent of a child in the class isn’t relevant.

Original poster
FireUnderpants · 19/10/2019 19:59

It makes it a lot more awkward if our DC are in the same class for the next 5 years.

OP posts:
TrainspottingWelsh · 19/10/2019 19:59

It's irrelevant that her child is in the class, by the sounds of it she'd be incompetent regardless

PurpleDaisies · 19/10/2019 20:00

Well yes, but if schools didn’t hire incompetent staff that wouldn’t be a problem.

fedup21 · 19/10/2019 20:03

My point is it's been harder to complain because I know her

That’s not got much relevance here as you could have know her from anywhere-work, secondary school, Cubs, an older child etc etc

You are muddling the issue.

Is the problem that

  1. You know her
  2. She is rubbish
  3. Her child is in the same class as yours

I would say your thread title and therefore what you’re complaining about here is largely irrelevant.

It sounds like she is rubbish and you need to complain. It’s difficult that you know her, but you could know her from anywhere and there is generally no reason why staff can’t have their child in their own class. I know several teachers who have taught their own children very successfully.

WeeDangerousSpike · 19/10/2019 20:03

DM was a TA at my primary school. She intentionally moved up a year with the class above me, then back down when I moved up. I thought it was a rule tbh.

Your TA sounds a liability! I thought you were going to say she was helping her child not yours, not that she was actively dangerous!

SleepyKat · 19/10/2019 20:04

I agree.

And I totally get that although it’s not because she’s another parent that she’s bad at her job it makes it harder to kick up a stink. Potentially her dc and yours could be friends and it could become awkward. I also wouldn’t like another parent knowing the ins and outs of my dc’s medical condition.

DD’s class in primary school had a TA who was a parent of another kid in the class. The kid was a total bully who made DD’s life a misery. TA took her DD’s side and was nasty to dd. Teacher backed TA up all the way. It wasn’t just my dd, other kids also affected and other parents were also very unhappy. But it was a very small, cliquey village school.

Two kids a year were also selected to sit a selection test for a local comprehensive school which takes some kids on ability (very odd set up) and of course it was the TA’s dd and her best friend who were chosen. School could pick whoever they felt was best suited to the secondary school so no transparency.

WhiskeyLullaby · 19/10/2019 20:05

That's completely unacceptable and by the sounds if it dangerous. You need to have a meeting with the school and discuss this , they made the wrong decision, they can rectify it. You're not complaining about her as a person,or even as a class TA ,you are complaining about her inability to care correctly and safely for your child.

hazeyjane · 19/10/2019 20:13

I don’t think it is entirely irrelevant that she has a child in the class. The issue of confidentiality would make this an issue for me. Alongside the incompetence.

bobisbored · 19/10/2019 20:15

I am a TA and have worked in my child's class. If I'd done a rubbish job I would expect a complaint! Yes it's a bit awkward if you know her but she's not up to the job so you have to put your child first!

HeyNotInMyName · 19/10/2019 20:17

I get it.
When you are complaining about her work (and the fact she is putting your dc in danger), you also that

  • you know her and already have a ‘Relationship’ with her
  • you will carry in seeing her for many years
  • which might actually create problems down the lines (between you and her, other parents, the children themselves)

Having said that, seing the type of issues you have, I would forget about the potential falling out and advocate for your child as if you didn’t know her.