School playdate expectations

[Whynotnowbaby]

For background, I live abroad and moved just over a year ago from U.K. Dd is settling into school after a difficult start, learning the language and getting to know a few children who she enjoys spending time with. I have encouraged her to have as many play dates as possible but it’s tricky as time is limited by her extra-curricular activities, my younger dc’s needs and dh’s work- he is away a lot so I am on my own with dc a lot of the time.

DD’s class teacher has organised the class into groups of four and told the families we have to arrange play dates within the group on a regular basis. The groups are an apparently random selection - 2 boys and 2 girls each time - and our group doesn’t include any of dd’s friends. Obviously the teacher can’t force us to have play dates but there seems to be a lot of expectation that we should do so and she has sent several emails suggesting we should have had one at each child’s house before Christmas. The problem is, I really don’t want to and neither does dd, I’m sure the other families are lovely but we are very busy and want to spend our free time doing what we want to do with people we want to do it with. These play dates are on top of whole class evening events which take place once or twice a term. Am I just being miserable here or would others find it all a bit much? The first is tomorrow and I’m dreading it!

In Copenhagen - where I live - this is totally normal, especially during the first years of school. The teacher will suggest it at a parents' evening, and the parents decide together if they would like it or not. Of course it can never be mandatory, but I am fairly sure most families go ahead and do it when it's been decided. In my DD's class I have only experienced one or two families WHO didn't manage to do a play group. But of course their children come along as part of the group when other families host. Normally you get a time slot of 2-4 weeks so the play groups are spread out evenly. I think it works well as it makes my daughter more familiar with her classmates' families/Homes as well, and nothing big (e.g. special activities, food...) is expected at all.

Oh my god that sounds absolutely hideous to me. I’d struggle with the actual play date and be pissed off that a teacher was dictating how we spend home time.

Are you in Norway by any chance?

It does sound like a culture clash, in some countries, the English way of doing things is considered very odd. Try it.

that doesn't sound like any 'culture clash' I have ever experienced! it sounds like a weird ass teacher/school getting out of their swim lane