To not stay all day at a friends

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

If you go to a friends house, how long do you usually stay?

I have a friend who thinks 6 hours isn't enough and now complains when I leave, so I go less and now she complains I don't go much!

So, how long would you stay at a friends, whilst your kids play?

Six hours is nearly a full working day, who has that kind of time to sit in someone else's house just hanging around. I had a friend like that once, she would be sitting outside my house waiting for me to get home and then stay all evening, I was working a full time job, a Saturday job and going to college four evenings a week and could get no house work or study done when she was there, she thought she was offering me a chance to "tune out" from that pressure but all she was doing was setting me back further, I am still annoyed about it.

Depending on the day and friend 6 hours seems a long time

I had a friend like this. It became too much and I ended up falling out with her unfortunately. It sounds like you are being used. You could also ask her if everything is ok at home? ESP for her to stay that long.

That's crazy long.
I'd just tell her it's too long for you but it's not a personal thing. If she's not happy with that you'll have to stop going at all.
Two hours max is enough for me with most peeps.

I'd have a fake appointment later on tbh, 2 hours for me, max

2 -3 hours in that situation.

In situations like this I always have an appointment lined up so the leaving time is adhered to,
Me and dsis have to use this 'excuse' when we visit a relative . Who is lovely by the way but tends to talk about herself her illnesses and her family and isnt interested in our families at all. After 2 hours of her talking over us we are ready to leave for the dr's appointment,

Urgh. I had a friend like this once. She actually sent a load of passive aggressive messages once when I was driving home (sixty miles each way) because I had left at midday the following day (after going round at dinner time on a Saturday, staying over, then staying Sunday morning before leaving). We had shit to do like studying and pre advised them we’d be leaving at noon.

Wasn’t enough for her, she sent snotty messages about how we can’t have enjoyed ourselves that much if we were that ‘desperate to get off’ and when I tried to reply kindly and said we had an amazing time, was such a shame we had to get back for exams etc. kept pushing it with ‘we worked really hard cooking dinner’

FWIW we had been effusively thankful for the dinner AND gave them £40 towards ingredients lol.

That was the final straw for me and I blocked her and never spoke to her again after being friends for a decade. I couldn’t bear the pressure. Every time I saw them I felt a tight ball of stress rising in my stomach, feeling trapped, knowing I ‘had’ to stay for a reallllly long time or they’d get arsey. When I had my own life too and funnily enough every other friend in my life was more than happy with a quick coffee or a few hours for dinner or whatever. They just expected so much and I couldn’t take feeling trapped like that.

One of the better decisions I’ve made, getting rid. True friends don’t place horrible arbitrary, unilaterally decided requirements on you like that.

Tell her you'll leave when the kids argue

I have this problem a lot. If I invite a certain friend round at 1pm she's still yammering away on my sofa at 5pm. For me, 5pm is time to start the dinner, winding down for the evening and it makes me so anxious. Don't these people have homes to go to? If I go to someone I will leave after 2 hours, I just can't take any more. You are not her babysitter and she's an adult who should learn to amuse herself. Or read a book to pass the time after you leave if she's so desperate for something to do. Either way, not your problem. I can't stand these adult babies.

What on earth do people talk about?!

2 hours tops for me unless it’s a day out somewhere. I just couldn’t talk for longer than that.

My best friend lives 20 mins away.
We see each other around 3 times a year die to work/family stuff.
but when we do get together oh my life we chat for at least 3 hrs and when i get home I or she phones because we forgot to tell each other something or another .
When we phone each other we are on the phone for well over an hour with ease.
Can`t beat girl talk.

I would only stay 6 hours at my best friends house but tbh my older kids would be pissed off by then!! (My youngest would live there if I let her, our kids are besties too!)

Bit tbh neither of us have time to do that! Plus my dh would be miffed if I wasn't around for 76 hrs at the weekend as would here I expect! (He wouldn't come with me unless we were dropping in for an hour, though he is friends with he too just kit as much as me!)

2 hrs is normal if kids are playing 1-2 if just catching up alone.

Flipping hell I spend a few hours at a mates if our kids are having fun (and we’re gossiping and having fun with the kids) if anyone starts getting ratty we call time on it and get moving home. Well often be there over lunch or something (she’s allergic to my animals so it’s there not here) but it’s never an outstay our welcome or desire to be there!

6hrs would do my head in, even with my best friend lol

1.5-2hrs max time with anyone

So I'm not crazy! I said I had "things" to do and didn't elaborate, she got 3 hours out of me at which point I was dragging ds out the door, fully relieved to have halved the 6 hours! I like her a lot, but I noticed today that when I started speaking about something she was up loading her computer with things to show me and then that was my speaking time over for the visit, I've noticed more and more recently i just listen there, i know an awful lot about her, she's admitted she doesnt know much about me and calls me private, but thinking about it, I don't get room to speak

I was thinking you were talking about someone who travelled hundreds of miles to see you!

Someone in the same town then 2 hours
Is more than enough

6 hours??? Fuck that for a lark. What do you do all that time? Two hours is more than enough time to catch up with someone you see quite regularly. Any more than that and I start to get fidgety, unless there's booze involved of course. If getting together for a bottle of wine or 3, then 6 hours is just about the ideal amount of time needed to put the world to rights I reckon

1.5 to 2 hours is perfect for a catch up playdate. If staying overnight we have a 3 meal rule. Dinner breakfast lunch or lunch dinner breakfast.

She wants you to fill a void I guess. I'd stay a max 3hours. But feel your pain, I had to drop someone because if I didn't spend the day she'd get really nasty & say I was neglecting her. She had no other friends & a lot of issues, but I work & also study & she doesnt, so I just haven't got time or energy for day long stuff & it made me realise we were also too different for a long term friendship.

YANBU. As a few people have said, surely you run out of things to talk about after a couple of hours!

YANBU. As a few people have said, surely you run out of things to talk about after a couple of hours!!

@Lovethetimeyouhave No you are not crazy! I think most people feel the same, and we (who do feel the same as you,) all know someone like this!

@Lovethetimeyouhave

YANBU.

Six hours at anyone's house is too much!

Some people though, seem to think nothing of spending all DAY at your house (and expect you to spend all DAY at theirs...)

I have 2 BFF. They don't know each other, but I am good friends with them both. I meet both of them (separately,) once every 5 or 6 weeks, and we either meet in Starbucks, or for a pub lunch, OR I go to their house or they come to mine. Never, ever EVER do we exceed more than 2 hours together. It's plenty.

My DH's cousin lives 70-75 miles away, and visits us twice a year, and we visit her (and her DH) twice a year, and OMG I dread those visits from them. She sometimes comes alone, and sometimes comes with her DH, but EVERY SINGLE TIME, she gets to us for around 10am, and stays til bloody 8pm.

TEN HOURS every single time. I have nothing in common with her and don't even like her that much. She is verrrrry right wing/bigoted/racist, and not a terribly nice person. Her DH is OK oddly, but I don't like her.

Also, we have a couple of other relatives who only visit every 3 or 4 months or so, and when they come, they don't seem to know how - or when - to leave. They come around midday and are still there at 7pm. It's such hard work, trying to keep conversation going ALL BLOODY DAY!

When we visit theirs, we have usually had enough after 3 hours, (I mean these relatives AND DH's cousin,) and they ALWAYS mither and complain when we try and leave, by complaining (like a pp said) that they spent a lot of time preparing, and cooking etc etc, and we're going already! With a kind of a look!

So we end up forcing ourselves to stay another couple of hours. It takes us 2 days to recover, as it's so stressful spending 5 hours or more with them (on top of the travel there!!)

It's making me HATE visitors, and HATE visiting people too.

We used to know a couple (in our area - left a year ago thank fuck!) who would come around (uninvited!) and stay for 3, 4, or even 5 hours. Got to the point when we started saying 'yeah you can pop in for a bit' (if they came at 1pm,) 'we have to go out at half two, so that gives us an hour and a half!'

So we would be polite and let them in, but knew we could get away after an hour and a half. So annoying that we had to go out when we didn't want to, (and STAY out in case they 'caught' us, coming back too quickly.)

I don't know why people have to pop round and meet up anyway. Pisses me off so much. Just say hello when you bump into them in public, and meet for a coffee at a mutually convenient place once a month or so. Why do people want to spend bloody HOURS at your house, (being entertained by you!) And then have you at THEIRS for hours on end?

Oh how I fucking hate it. As I say, it's making me hate visitors (and visiting too,) and is making me very anti social.