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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask teachers and parents if 6 is too old to believe in Santa?

145 replies

SpinneyHill · 19/10/2019 10:18

My DS1 (6) told me earlier this year he knows Santa isn't real, but today we got a toy catalogue and I told DS2 (4) it was from Santa to help kids write their lists I was just about to whisper to DS1 to not ruin the magic (because I thought he'd stopped believing) when he suddenly became quite excited about Santa knowing where we live (we moved this year).

I almost feel a bit worried because I don't think I did believe at age 6?
Are his friends going to mock him for this?
When do they stop believing?

OP posts:

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 19/10/2019 11:15

My nine year old believes - or rather, I think he's very carefully not thinking about it too hard.

The six year old is generally much more curious/suspicious/switched on about these things, and will probably announce first, but I think we've got another year at least, due to his big brother being such a lovely softy about it.

Knittingnanny · 19/10/2019 11:23

I’m 63 and can still remember how sad I felt when I finally found out the truth.
I’m retired now but December was my favourite time at work. We used to put the big tree up in the hall on the last day of November after the children had gone home and also put up our advent calendars in the classrooms.
Then on the first school day in December I would, as the school
Pianist, give the teachers the song words to start practising. I really miss that lovely time.
The caretakers in every school I worked in hated it though.
“ bloody glitter, why can’t they keep it on the table. I’ll be picking it up still at Easter”

Aus84 · 19/10/2019 11:25

My eldest was 11.

Scotinoz · 19/10/2019 11:28

😮 My eldest is Yr1 and almost 6, and it's been recently discussed between parents. As far as we can tell, Santa is definitely real in their eyes!

puppyconfetti · 19/10/2019 11:29

One of mine never believed. He is autistic and his brain is so logical he just used to dismiss it and give us a 'don't be fucking stupid' look

It was still is hard to get him to shut up so as not to spoil it for the rest of them! He is almost 17 now but goes along with the game for his younger siblings whilst shooting us a 'ffs eye roll look'

My eldest believed until she was 10

PoodleJ · 19/10/2019 11:30

My mantra is if you don’t believe you don’t get. So everyone in our family believes and we never confirm or deny anything. Please don’t spoil it by feeling that you need to come clean. I’ve never confirmed anything to my 15 year old. We all play along for each other and younger family members.
Don’t spoil the magic.

SquishySquirmy · 19/10/2019 11:31

I think there's "believing" and there's really believing, and whether kids believe or not is not necessarily a black and white thing.
My dd is about that age, and I think deep down she knows, but still gets very swept up in the magic of it all. It's a make believe game rather than a deeply held belief.

I think for most kids it is a gradual process rather than a sudden realisation that santa isn't real.
I would expect at that age that most of your son's classmates still believe in santa.

itsgettingweird · 19/10/2019 11:35

Nope! My ds still believed at 11/12. Ive wondered if he's believed since as he talked about him but it's been less and less over the years! Last year was first year he didn't ask to leave something out for santa - he was 14!

We went to Lapland when he was 6 so he'd actually met Santa! Thin that made it less of a belief and more a tangible thing.

I don't force it upon him and I don't think there's anything wrong with believing in Santa as part of the magic of Christmas.

Not much fun putting stocking out otherwise!

Ohyesiam · 19/10/2019 11:39

not believing it is real and getting excited about the process can exist concurrently. It does with my kids.

As I child I had no idea we were meant to actually believe it happened. I knew my mum bought me my lovely stocking, it was obvious . Plus We didn’t have a chimney, reindeer can’t fly, and how could he do it all in one night? I just thought it was a lovely thing we entered into the spirit of.
Lots of other little things confirmed that Christmas was a” show”. Christmas cards were covered in snow, we never saw snow in London at Christmas in the 70 s. They were also decorated with pictures of mistletoe which I never saw in real life till my early teens.
Likewise a real Christmas tree( ours was sort of sparse green and silver tinsel limbs on a silver foil trunk!)

So to me everything about Christmas was mythical, but truly wonderful.

He doesn’t need to believe to enjoy.

peachycore · 19/10/2019 11:40

youngest DS is nine and still believes bless him

PivotPivotPivottt · 19/10/2019 11:46

My almost 8 year old still believes. Well I think she does and she acts as though she does but I do sometimes wonder if she is just pretending.

Drabarni · 19/10/2019 11:48

One of ours still believed at 10, I had to tell her before she started secondary.
She loved the magic and was very naive.
Now she's 15 going on 30, it hasn't held her back at all.

Goatinthegarden · 19/10/2019 11:59

@Ohyesiam I was the same! I always thought it was a game that we all played....maybe because I had older siblings? I never once told my mum I didn’t believe - I just assumed she knew?! We still left a whisky, carrot and mince pie out every Christmas Eve until I left home - maybe she was worried I headed off to uni ‘still believing’!

I’ve taught 6-8 year olds the last few Christmases - I reckon nearly all 6 year olds still believe and most 8 year olds are working it out/have worked it out - although I’ve never had a concrete discussion about it, so I could be wrong! I’m yet to meet a child of Primary age who isn’t happy to play along regardless though!

IggyAce · 19/10/2019 12:06

My dd age 12 never asked, but I know she knows and never gave the game away for her younger sibling. My ds 8 told me earlier this year he knows and asked me to confirm it.

Ohyesiam · 19/10/2019 12:08

@ Goatinthegarden good to know I wasn’t alone!
I also went to Convent school so was told parables and various bible stories every day, and it all seemed to fit in with that. The places where things were and weren’t real/believable had very blurred edges.
I think I had an early grasp of Myth and metaphor!

jillandhersprite · 19/10/2019 12:09

I think 6 might be the age that they start questioning it - like the practicalities of every child, all the different presents, different quantities/value of present etc. but are probably still at an age where a simple explanation works for most of those questions - 'its magic' and will suffice for a few years. That seems to be sufficient for my 6 year old at the moment - but I can see him starting to question how fair santa is - as some kids get loads of high value presents and I'm not sure how I'm going to answer that one and suspect any answer won't be good enough and the doubt will creep in...

KUGA · 19/10/2019 12:10

What do you mean Father Christmas isn`t real ?.OMG.i want to cry.

PumpkinKing · 19/10/2019 12:26

My 8yr old still believes, but he's been questioning it the last two years so this may be his last year believing. From chatting to other parents, many in his class still believe. He's off to middle school next year so I suspect that will be the end of it but we'll get him to carry the magic on for DD.

I'm 31 and my dad still gives me presents "From Santa!" so I'm in no hurry to stop believing either

Fink · 19/10/2019 12:32

There's quite often a cognitive dissonance over it for a couple of years before they go on to full disbelief, e.g. the child knows there's no FC, but will still rush in to your bedroom early on Xmas morning to open their stocking and show you what s/he's got. S/he knows, on one level, that the presents are from you and, therefore, that you must know what's in them, but on the other hand that goes out of the window in the excitement of the moment.

What I would advise at this age is that you make sure you don't lie, because he's old enough to remember if you lie and not old enough to fully understand the concept of make believe/'white lies'. If he asks questions, answer them honestly, although you don't need to give an outright 'FC isn't real', you can skirt around it. But DON'T lie!

spaniorita · 19/10/2019 12:37

Definitely not too old 8yo ds is still a believer 😊

Wannabegreenfingers · 19/10/2019 12:48

Absolutely not too old. Keep the Magic alive 🎄

FinallyHere · 19/10/2019 12:50

I remember working out that it was probably on my own interest to believe.

Definitely secondary school age.

hels71 · 19/10/2019 12:58

DD has just started year 7 and still sort of believes...

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 19/10/2019 13:53

Family of believers here age 4, 10, 12, and 43.

Petrichor11 · 19/10/2019 13:58

I would expect a 6 year old (who celebrates Christmas) to still believe in Santa!

I’m a Brownie leader and we deliberately avoid mentioning Santa in any Christmas related conversations because we know the majority of our 7 year olds will still believe but the majority of our 9 year olds won’t.

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