AIBU to think sometimes you don’t get over a bad childhood?

[SunFlowersAndSeeds]

Looking for advice really, I never had a stable childhood I was sexually abused for years. Don’t get me wrong I am a happy fairly confident person however lately more than ever I am struggling sexually with my partner he’s so patient & understanding he’s amazing. But I feel I let him down. Can I ask if you ever truly recover I want a normal sexual life I am willing to go through therapy we both are as a couple but I think I need to hear people have done this & been successful. Currently I’m going through a court case to hopefully get him off the streets for good but it is taken years to get the CPS to accept it, this may been why I’m struggling as of lately.

I’m not looking for sympathy I have won, I overcame it, I have my life back an amazing partner a beautiful 9 month old baby, good job. I feel this is the last hurdle for me that I desperately want to recover from

Any advice?

Thank you x

Bump

I think child sexual abuse deeply traumatises a person, whilst it is common (numerically) , it really is one of the most traumatic things a person can go through and affects you to your very core.
I would hope you can access therapy, it is difficult on the nhs unfortunately

I think child sex abuse is something much deeper than simply s bad childhood. You are doing fantastically, 💐

Thank you for your comments x

No, you don’t. One of my sisters was abused by my father (her stepfather), and she has never enjoyed the life she should have done. 30 years after the abuse she is still on medication to deal with it. She will never live fully independently.

My father was a violent man. I witnessed a lot.

I have no idea (like many others, I know) what it feels like to love your dad. I suffered indirectly, and so many things are triggering, especially since I had my own child.

I had a childhood similar to the one you describe OP and for a long time I thought I was doing ok, coping in my own way. The thing was it was not until I got older and my friends started having children and once those kids reached the age I was when my abuse started I began to crumble, it was only then that I realised how awful it was, just how little I was. It may be the same for you too. I have just started in on counselling and started to make sense of my feelings and it is tough, I hope I get to a good place again.

I use a counsellor that deals with me over the phone, I find it easier to talk that way rather than in person, they are a free service and may be able to point you in the right direction for help that will suit your needs. connectcounselling.ie/ they cover Ireland, N.I and U.K.

I wish you well and hope you enjoy every happiness in life.

@ChuckleBuckles do you feel counselling is helping? I don’t like the thought of going back if it’ll make things harder. I seem to cope well with things but I have come so far forward I really don’t want to go back

I can't offer you advice OP but it sounds like you're doing amazingly. Stay strong, here's a handhold and I hope you find peace

@SunFlowersAndSeeds Sorry just getting back to you now, weekend was flat out. It is early days for me and I honestly don't know yet if it is going to be helpful. I feel like you, that endlessly talking over things is of no use, I want strategies to cope, for me it is just too soon to say how it is going to work out, sorry. But it was important for me to say what had happened and for that person to believe me 100%, I had not experienced that before, so that was helpful.

CBT can help deal with unhelpful thought patterns without having to rehearse the past.
I think you always carry the scars of your abuse with you (I grew up in a violent home) but you can find away of living with those scars.
I think trying to get over it is setting yourself up to fail but learning to live with it is possible. I think it is more like Katy Piper - she will always have her scars but they don’t stop her being a beautiful and vibrant woman.

I know it’s not the recommended course of action but the only way I have dealt with my shit childhood is to block it out and not think about it. I tried all the counselling etc and found I could never “move on” because it was constantly being churned up and rehashed. I’m not sure that’s healthy either tbh. I focused on my own DC and giving them the life that I never had.

I have also given myself the childhood I never had. I treat myself with kindness always. I’ve indulged myself in things I could never have as a kid. For example, I like adult colouring books and so I bought myself a lovely colouring book and really nice pencils. A silly little thing really but it does bring me pleasure. I think also having hobbies I enjoy takes me out of my own head and that can often help.

I think that it will be difficult for you at the moment especially due to the Court case. Which is 100% understandable. So don’t be too hard on yourself. Once that’s over I think you will feel a lot better.