To think he dealt with DS badly?

[Bobbelle]

Today I had a scan appointment. DH came along and we had 9 month old DS there as well. There was a long wait and DS was becoming really tired and distressed - screaming and crying. DH put him in him pram and rocked it back and forth in the waiting room but DS was getting more and more distressed.
Initially I didn't want to interfere with his parenting decision but it got so bad that DH was getting angry at the screaming and cryi g and I said to him he should take DS outside a walk and if he didn't settle put him in the car as he sleeps fine there and struggles to sleep in a pram.

DH walked out with the pram and sent me a message saying he would never again parent DS in the same room as me and I completely overruled his decision. I tried to speak to him about it after and he said the reason DS got so upset is I give him a snack when he gets upset in these situations and he has never has to learn how to manage his emotions in these situations because of my lazy parenting.

I think he was wrong to leave him to cry and get distressed and to criticise my parenting when he doesn't involve himself as much as he should - AIBU?

He can't sooth the baby and hes taking his frustration out on you. Petty.

Your DH thinks that a 9 month old baby should learn to manage his emotions??? I think he needs to manage his temper and learn how to parent.

YANBU, a 9 months old is not able to "manage his emotions", distraction is the best way to cope in those situations.

How does a 9 months old learn to manage their emotions? Pray ask his almighty to share his divine knowledge so I can use with my kids

Your DH needs to learn about baby and child development fast. Why has this idiot been allowed to get away with not learning about this stuff before baby arrived? A 9mo regulating their emotions.... .

Tell him firmly but kindly that he needs to do a bit of studying. Don't let this go - I waited with my H until my oldest was a toddler, and it was much, much harder. He was incredibly dismissive of 'research' (said with a sneering sound in his voice) and it was only when he saw that my method worked and his didn't that he learned.

he has never has to learn how to manage his emotions in these situations because of my lazy parenting

Ask your DH how he he has the nerve to say that when he, the adult, is still learning how to manage his own emotions - anger at his DS crying.

I've had this exact same response from my DH on occasion and it's fucking infuriating!

What I do (now) is to wait until the pressure has drained as my DH (like yours) gets very agitated with prolonged crying from our twins, he doesn't get angry but I can tell his patience wears thin much faster than mine. When he's calmed himself I ask him calmly if he still thinks I'm overruling his 'parenting choices' or does he maybe think that I'm just trying to help when it's clear the situation isn't improving with his method (something he's happy to do with me when he questions my parenting of course!).

If he still thinks I'm in the wrong when he has calmed down, I go in on him, not aggressively but I tell him that me making a suggestion is not 'overruling' and as I'm the SAHM it's logical to accept that I have a few good tricks up my flipping sleeve! That I'm not questioning his ability every time I tell him what works for me!

He's no where near as bad as he used to be now our toddlers are older, but in those early days with sleep deprivation, extreme resentment on my part because he didn't get too involved in the early days (whole other subject) and when he did get involved he was so headstrong that even a gentle approach to suggesting what he should do (when he was clearly lost on how to deal with DC's emotional needs, he was always great at the straight forward ones) would cause a meltdown.

Now he admits it's because he felt inferior to me as a parent... in fact he very recently admits it's because he KNEW he was the inferior parent at that time (his words not mine!).

So it sounds like your DH might be as bullheaded as mine, but if he throws his toys out of the pram and says he's never doing it again etc. etc. just calmly remind him that he doesn't get to opt out of being a parent to your children, it's a horrible thing to say and how would he feel if your DS could understand what he had said.

And as a PP said, he needs to start educating himself ASAP.

You weren't overruling his parenting, he wasn't doing any parenting, he was just letting the baby get more and more upset and frantic. Thats a rubbish non attempt at parenting.

You should be a team, one team member should be able to makes suggestions to
The other team member. He’s being petty.

Unless you lost your shit & screamed at him in the waiting room YANBU.

What a dick. your Lazy parenting? How about him putting his ego above your child’s needs

Your partner is a wanker. So many men have no clue about babies and seem to have no patience for them - probably because for the first time them and their emotions are not their partner's first priority anymore and they are plain and simple jealous.

These men-children are more of a hindrance than a help when raising a baby. Sometimes I think elephants have things figured out far better than humans.

Have I got this right, you were in a hospital waiting room, with other people? If so, taking the baby outside is the polite thing to do if you are able to do so (obviously this won't be an option if you're on your own and any reasonable person would understand this). I'm presuming the waiting room was occupied by people who were ill or in pain and maybe a receptionist in the vicinity who may be taking calls - taking DS out was the considerate thing to do. DH also needs to be made aware that these people in the waiting room were likely to be judging the hell out of him for getting angry at a crying baby.