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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Coats and car seats!!!

22 replies

ToodlesnOOdleSAR · 18/10/2019 19:02

I've just picked up my child from DM. About monthly she stays overnight there, she's 18 months old.
As we were leaving tonight, Dad says "why can't she go in the car with her coat on, she will get cold."
I said she'll be absolutely fine, I'll carry her with her coat round her until the car and she has a blanket on her knees (18months old). Then explained puffy jackets aren't safe in the event of a crash.

He was laughing at me as I explained it, says I'm ridiculous and of course it wouldn't be dangerous.

Ive spoken with DM and sent links to the car seat advice. But she doesn't seem to want to back me up.
I'm not going mad am I?! It is dangerous?!

I feel like I dont trust them to secure her safely. Or am I just being over the top? It winds me up and I think it's so rude when someone laughs in your face over something important to you

OP posts:
Joerev · 18/10/2019 19:04

I’m lendabtic about car seats. Remind them that in a crash she will be thrown out. As it can’t do up tightly enough

If it was me. I wouldn’t let anyone who I didn’t trust with my children and car seats

NearlyGranny · 18/10/2019 19:31

Is DF usually resistant to learning anything new, or wedded to being in the right? How is his DGD's safety a topic for levity?

I would be having a deep and meaningful before I let them take her in the car again. Your child, your rules.

SnugglySnerd · 18/10/2019 19:36

Yanbu. I'm staggered at how many parents I see at nursery lifting toddlers out of cars with massive coats on. Why spend a fortune on an expensive car seat if you are not going to fasten it properly?
I am sure they are judging me for not having warm enough dcs but the heater can go on in the car and I put their coats over their legs. The walk from the car to the building takes about 0.5 seconds. I would much rather they were strapped in safely than wearing their coats.

MrsL2016 · 18/10/2019 19:40

YANBU at all. You can't tighten the straps enough with a coat on and in a crash the baby could be thrown from the seat.

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 18/10/2019 19:40

How them a video instead

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 18/10/2019 19:40

*show

Jollitwiglet · 18/10/2019 19:42

YANBU

It is dangerous. Do they wear coats in the car?

docherty16 · 18/10/2019 19:43

The way I explained it to my mum was to put my wee boy in his seat in his jacket and fasten the seat as right as I could then I removed his jacket did the buckle back up and showed her how loose the straps where . She never puts him in with a coat on now

ChestnutTalisman · 18/10/2019 19:47

Find a thin enough coat for the car seat and only take her to your DM's in that. At that age DS had an all in one polar fleece from Jojo Maman bebe- it was warm but thin and meant I didn't have to faff around with putting coats off and on. www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/cozy-polarfleece-snowsuit-b2382.html

KellyHall · 18/10/2019 23:14

YANBU, at all!

You're totally valid. I'd rather put a blanket over my dd in the car seat, with minimal clothes on. It's an avoidable risk so they should bloody well avoid it!

TurquoiseDress · 18/10/2019 23:21

YANBU

I get really cross when I feel that the DC are not safe enough in the car

Once DH and I fell as he insistes lack of car seats wasn't an issue as we were only going a short journey when we were abroad

Also once I lost it as I realised that then baby DC1 was in a car seat that wasn't actually secured onto the seat- my SIL was holding onto it

DC1 had been in the car of my in laws for a few days. DH was adamant I was over reacting! I was fuming Hmm

leafyskyline · 18/10/2019 23:43

That video drives me crazy. When the child is first put in the seat with the coat on the straps are insanely loose. Then surprisingly when the coat is removed the straps are still insanely loose Hmm

If you put a child in a seat wearing a zipped up coat and pull the straps tight then you're unlikely to have a problem.

Pandaintheporridge · 18/10/2019 23:46

Do they drive your lo around?
Ask your dad how he would feel to turn around after a crash and not see his grandchild sitting in her car seat.

Pandaintheporridge · 18/10/2019 23:47

Leafyskyline if you're talking about a puffer style coat or snowsuit, you are absolutely wrong.

Owwlie · 19/10/2019 01:04

YANBU at all. If it’s a puffy or padded jacket then it’s not at all safe, even pulled tightly. The child still would be thrown forward with the force from a collision.

My mum always tries to put DDs coat on before we get in the car, despite being told every time that it’s not safe. It’s not even like she can claim that DD will get cold because I put her in a thin cardigan and then a blanket over her, and she’s not going to freeze in the 30 seconds it takes to walk to the car.

It’s one of those ‘well we did it with you and you’re fine’ things. She’s like it with a lot of things though, so she never looks after DD. And I make sure it’s always me who gets her ready and puts her in the car. Some people care less about safety than they do about being ‘right’.

AnotherQuirkyUsername · 19/10/2019 01:28

YANBU

When it comes to my DS and car seats I'm very firm with my in-laws , the only people who tend to drive with him other than me and OH.

MIL wanted to forward face DS and I have seen her attempt to put him in with a jacket on , it took one chat from my OH to say that they simply will not be driving with him in the car if they can't follow basic safety instructions. They where shocked when they seen the evidence but then again they're usually fab and completely respect how we parent even if they disagree so it wasn't an issue.

Napmum · 19/10/2019 07:42

Leafyskyline I understand what you are saying with the video they did that to make sure that they get a good dramatic video. But whilst it's not guaranteed to happen every time most of the time in the tests the crash dummy baby did come out. It does happen in real life it's not worth the risk a jumper and a blanket is much safer. Plus you don't have to take jumper off straight away when you go inside the other end so actually much easier.

I would talk to your Dad about laughing at your parenting decisions and belittling you that way as it's not acceptable even if he had had a point

Sunshinegirl82 · 19/10/2019 08:00

I layer up so vest and long sleeved top is standard winter wear and then I add a hoody or fleece for the car. I've also got a fleece blanket for each of them to cover legs (baby has a morrck).

Car seats make people weird. You are right to insist though, I don't care if people think I'm being over the top. I want to know I've done everything I possibly can to keep the DC safe.

Mamabear144 · 19/10/2019 09:37

Absolutely should not wear a coat in a car seat! Drives me mad. You are definitely right

Camomila · 19/10/2019 09:42

DM also frets about DS being cold, and his coat not being that puffy.

We got a fleece.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 19/10/2019 09:47

Children can get very hot in carseats. Thick coat in car seat, plus heating on in car, could lead to overheating. So it's not just car crashes.

Wheat2Harvest · 19/10/2019 10:15

I never put coats on my children when they were in a car seat. I just turned the heater on.

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