It's hard to share positive stuff.

[Orangeblossom78]

I am finding increasingly it seems hard to share anything positive with those around me.

For example, to my in laws, mentioning about recent activity holiday with school for DS (10) that he did all sorts of new activities like paddle boarding. "Oh no! Were there any accidents". mentioned we went sailing and slept on the boat overnight. "Oh no! I wish you hadn't told me that"

With a friend, chatting about new pet, mentioned how friendly and tame it had got, was told "Well you need to make sure they get certain activities and for X number of hours etc"

It just seems so hard to talk about anything positive as they get anxious or negative. And then of course can't share negative stuff as it is too upsetting as well.

I also mentioned to a friend I was finding things a bit easier now the DC were older and a bit more independent, and was told not to 'be smug' and that 'others have it much worse'

AIBU or is it really hard to share anything positive with some people?

My in-laws are like that: it's very draining. They travel a lot but always seem to have a rubbish time.

I have noticed my American friend is a lot more positive and happy to share her child's achievements. Not in a boasting way, she's just proud. I wonder if it's cultural.

It'd not just the in in laws but also others around - I wonder if it is the age maybe as we are kind of menopausal type age and anxiety etc is around. But yes it is draining.

My step dad is like this.

Danger/risk/worry at every corner, its exhausting.

I do think it's more 'acceptable' to share good news if it's about someone disadvantaged - if I share how well my daughter (in hospital, has mental illness) is doing then people are happy about that. I am more cautious about sharing my NT dd's achievements because it seems more braggy 🤷‍♀️

I should explain my daughter with the mental illness is also not NT, in case anyone picks me up on that.

I get what you mean OP and i know it's often about the tone, but not all of that sounds 'negative' as such, i'd just have let it go- people worry about things, it doesn't mean they have a spiteful intent- and there's not a lot wrong with saying a pet needs x,y,z. I suppose i would have just agreed it does and let it be know that the pet gets it rather than assume the person was suggesting i was incapable or being spiteful. I think sometimes people's social skills aren't brilliant and people also often like to appear knowledgeable about the topic at hand.

re: being called 'smug', again its the tone isn't it, if it were delivered jokingly or if you know they are having issues themselves that you wern't being sensitive to or maybe were not aware of- it's not the same as aggressively and dismissively calling a person smug.

If you are sharing good news though and getting rude or negative responses i think that is cause for concern, and in general i would always be considering what a person brings to your life and whether there is benefit to seeing them. It isn't as though it has to be tolerated if you find it untenable.

Yes, I don't really mean talking about achievements and the like, just general positivity.

My mum is like this. Can find the negative in anything or something to moan about. It is draining. I have to stop myself being irritated and remember it's just the way she is. I just reply with a positive comment.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with the menopause since my dad and BIL are exactly the same.

I hope if I get to be a grandparent I would be able to enjoy the nice things my grandchildren get up to instead of being so down about it all.

I know just what you mean - I come into contact with a fair few joy-suckers unfortunately, and find them awful to be in conversation with.
Doesn't matter what you talk about, they always seem to find a negative slant to every single topic.

I just try to limit my time with them and look forward to talking to more positive people, as I haven't always got the option to ignore them or leave the room/vicinity.

Yes, I get that. My dd did very well on her maths exam, she's got SEN so for her it was amazing. I realised I had no one other than DH who I could share the news with otherwise I'd be bragging. It's weird huh? I love hearing other people's good news. I wish people didn't automatically compare.

Comparison is the thief of joy, as the saying goes...

The ironic thing is I sometimes try and be cheerful and say things i think might make them happy...and it goes the wrong way and they see the negativity in it! (especially with the in laws) - maybe a kind of negative filer or something. then they turn back on the same topics (people who have died recently, illness and the like)

maybe i will just stop or talk about the weather. Would be nice to avoid but not so easy with family at times.

I know what you mean. I have several people in my life/family who always respond to a postive with a negative opinion. It's like they look for the bad in everything instead of takign a good thing at face value. So if I'm looking at buying something I like I show them and they point out what is bad about it, or if I share an idea they point out what could go wrong. It brings me down!

Was your friend talking about a pet bird?

Userxx no, why?

I think it's a mixture of British culture that we don't really share good news and see it as bragging. And possibly people being a lot more self absorbed and easy to take offence and make it about them.

I guess context is also important eg I wouldn't say 'yey my son did great in his exam' to someone who's child had done worse than expected in an exam as it could be seen as rubbing their nose in it. But why not say it to someone who's children arent at that stage?

Some subjects though are apparently off limits for example I have seen people absolutely torn to shreds for feeling proud if themselves for overcoming breastfeeding difficulties and sticking through it when it was tough. Rightly in my opinion. And it goes without saying that of course there are problems that you cant just persevere through and everyones got to do what's best for them, and if course it would be daft to carry on breastfeeding when it was putting the mothers mental health at risk. But nobody says well done, nobody thinks well this is all implicit nobody thinks give the benefit of the doubt, lots of people take it as a personal insult and respond with bitter 'not everyone can feed' and 'fed is best'. Like the original poster had actually said 'a starving baby is preferable to a non-EBF baby'.

Ugh, my mother is like this and so is a friend's mother - we were just mutually bonding over this yesterday. Apparently friend's mother is called "The Raincloud" because of her ability to bring doom and gloom no matter how positive the news is. Maybe it is an age thing but I am determined not to become like that.

Best recent example: I just got a new amazing job, loving it so far, super flexible, pays well. My mum heard the salary and pulled a face "that's not much". Then told me not to ever rely on having a job because someone she knows had a child in his 50s, got laid off, can't get work and has a primary aged child now. Um...thanks!? Should I go and quit my new job in case I have a child in 20 years and then get fired!?