Am I over sensitive or is this work situation Shit

[Fightingmycorner2019]

Would appreciate some impartial advice

Been at my company for a very long time
Have had a colleague with whom I have a
Complex history as do the same role and high amount of unspoken competition . It’s draining but we have coped as previous management were more impartial .

This year new department management....

1 used to have an emotional affair with said colleague (was told this) with some inappropriate behaviour . Texts , gifts etc and probably more

2 shows something of a bias to said
Colleague , including long laughing Conversations, shoulder rubs and hugs boak

The above I can live with (Just about ) however the professional treatment has moved to

• Assigning certain sectors more

To said colleague

• More client involvement
• evening messages and WhatsApp (whilst

My messages are ignored !)

I have NO desire to ingratiate myself with senior male colleagues . Never have . But I am concerned that my professional advancement is stalling . Majorly
I have a strong track record for what it’s worth

I don’t feel this is fair , impartial or professional

Say something or suck it up ?

Can the unfair work allocation be proved?

Yes it can , or feasibly discussed

do you do any kind of appraisals or feedback so you can show your track record?
Also are you in a union?

Start polishing up your CV and find somewhere new… it is a big scary leap if you've been in one job for ages, but probably for the best.

You may be better going to the manager directly. If you have a meeting with HR - their first step after will be to contact the manager anyway in this type of scenario.

Thinking back to a time where I had two members of staff and one felt I favoured one of them (I didn’t but one was far better at certain tasks and more experienced than the other). She went to HR without ever even dropping a hint that she felt this way to me. Obviousoy HR just batted it back to me.

I didn’t feel the same about her after - though of course treated her professionally. This is why it’s risky - this isn’t necessarily a HR situation - they will bat it back to you having a conversation with the man in question.

I had this. They got married. In the meantime the slightly junior one (male, on my level) set me up to fail twice, for which I kept proof just in case.

The real loser in the scenario was the MD who married him, but we should all have got out. The atmosphere was awful at work, awkward and bullying.

If anything really bad starts - it probably will - keep comms in writing as much as you can, and keep emails.

But there's 0 you can do if HR are useless, except leave. Sooner rather than later.

Another saying I wouldn't go to HR, it can begin a process which becomes involved and more than you are wanting. Have a careful think OP.

Confused about what you will discuss with HR. I don’t see how you can bring up any mention of emotional affair - this appears to be based on rumour/gossip. I don’t see how you can bring up long conversations with laughter - frankly, this will make you look unhinged.

The only thing I would think you can bring up with HR is:

• Assigning certain sectors more to said colleague
• More client involvement

The problem with this is that they will wonder why you have gone to them as it’s pretty obvious this issue should be addressed directly with your manager so they will be perplexed I imagine and suggest you do this.

I am sold! No HR
I will try and handle at dept level and build a practical case
And focus on my
Own work and CV
Glad I asked

Thanks everyone
It’s Monday morning and I enter the week focussed on
Working on my tasks
Staying unemotional
Keeping my mental health resilient
Pasting a smile on my face and not getting pissed off

I won’t speak to anyone it’s pointless

As another thread on here said ‘you might be winning the rat race , but you’re still a rat ‘

Good luck lovey. Just breathe, these things in offices tend to feel much worse in enclosed spaces :) The calmer you stay, the more you'll be able to see which way you need to play it.

Been at my company for a very long time
It might be an idea to shift focus. Instead of treating this as a competition between you and colleague, treat it as a career thing. Talk to manager or HR about where you are going next, what progression or training there might be.
You want to be 'the best you' rather than judging yourself against the colleague. It makes it more impartial, more proactive. It puts a better gloss on it.

Wise words from
Both !

I won’t speak to anyone it’s pointless

By this I assume you mean your manager or hr? Not just you want talk to people in general? If so then good plan. If not then,,,hmm,,,