Family negativity towards my choices

[orangeblossomgirl]

I am starting a business which I am excited about after leaving a "good" well-paid job which made me very unhappy. My family were supportive of this choice but are on the whole not that ambitious for me and I sense they think I should settle for another corporate job, although my dream is self-employment.

It's very early days with my business but I really believe in the idea (and have had lots of positive feedback from mentors/business contacts) and think I have the skills to make it work.

However, whenever I talk about it with my family the responses I get are 'Are you sure you're qualified to do this?' or 'why are you spending so much on xyz? You didn't negotiate'. They say they are interested in what I am doing, but seem intent on diminishing everything I do.

I'm a very capable, intelligent person but I am taking a huge risk and these sort of comments really get me down and make me doubt myself. AIBU to just stop talking to them about it? How would you deal with doubters?!

Maybe you could get some kind of small business advisor to discuss those things with, there are some 'women into business' type ones around here? Not sure- but it sounds like maybe better to discuss stuff like that outside family if they just worry.

I know this. Got the T- shirt.

Start to ignore their comments, talk to them about it less (find some supportive, like-minded people to talk to about it instead), and digest this part of a speech by Roosevelt:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citizenship_in_a_Republic

Honestly, that is what family are like.

I let them influence my choice of higher education and jobs several times over and ended up living a life that I didn't recognise as my own. It's taken me till 35 to realise the only approval I need is my own and that life is too short to stay in a job that stifles you and makes you unhappy.

GO FOR IT.

We're all rooting for you and wish you best of luck OP.

I guess you could stop talking to them about it, or have you tried confronting them? Not in an aggressive way, but perhaps ask if they realise how negative they are being, and how a little support and encouragement would be nice? My DParents were never ambitious for me and my DSis: a 'good' job in an office was all they believed we should aspire to. My DH had a massive change in his work life several years ago: MIL didn't understand how he could consider making such a change (leaving a well paid job, but working for someone who made his life hell) to try and go it alone. She was only looking at financial stability and the possible upheaval, and not thinking about the fact that he would probably have ended up with depression/severe anxiety if he had stuck with the current job. That saying about 'do something you love, and you'll never work another day' or whatever it is: it is SO important to enjoy work. I have had so many crappy jobs where I've been in knots come Sunday evening, thinking about going back in on Monday. And yet to my DPs, I had a 'respectable' office job, Monday to Friday … but no prospects, no enjoyment … good luck with your new business!

My Mum s the most huge negative Nelly about absolutely everything so I have just stopped telling her anything or letting her see into out lives (ie I dotn have her on FB, so she cant see photos, things we are up to etc)

It is frustrating but the constant criticism gets you down.

Maybe you should just stop discussing this kind of thing with your family and whenever they ask just use a catch all phrase...everything's going well

Thank you everyone for the positive vibes! Going to take your advice and just ignore them and chat with my much more positive friends

They might be projecting their own fears on you. However, I would think take all the questions but don't take it to heart. You may find some things are outside your control, park those questions away. But those situations that you are in control of, try and see if you can address those (even if when you're by yourself). Most times, there is some truth in them which is why it annoys us and we try to blind ourselves to them. But if you can address them and give them a little thought, it will only make you stronger.

This sounds very familiar. I'm also in a very successful corporate job with the dream of one day owning my own business. Luckily for me, my family are actually very supportive- they are both self employed and think 'real money' can't be earned as a PAYE (so a different kind of judgement ). My husband tends to be very risk averse though so he's the one who is not very supportive.

Anyway I thought I would share something I found very inspiring. Was listening to the Financial Times podcast and the founder of the Cambridge Satchel Company was on. She said she was repeatedly told 'if that was a good idea someone would have done it already' and 'why don't you get a real job' Luckily she ignored them and she's now a multi millionaire.

Observations from people who know what they are talking about or are in a position to advise, even critically, is helpful.

Non informed worrying is not.

They are anxious because they see you doing something that THEY wouldn’t know how to manage.

Just share the occasional success story.

Just don't talk to them about that topic. I would support my children doing that - I did that - I set up on my own. I have always said to them that if you can be your own boss like can be a lot better. My grandfather set up on his own in 1904 and his brother in the 1890s.