Would you be upset? AIBU to think he could make more of an effort?

[lambtangineplease]

DH is currently in Morocco, he left a few days ago and wont be back until next week. Barely spoken to him since he left, he got there at 6pm Tuesday, and I was expecting to hear from him that he’s landed but he didn’t text me or anything until the next morning when I called him. He just said he was busy sorting stuff out, ( surely you have time for a quick text?) Wednesday I didn’t hear from him, so I called him in the evening and he said there was something wrong with the house they’ve rented so they had to move. Fine, this morning I FaceTimed him just 2 mins because DS3 wanted to say hi. I texted him that the DD5 and DS would like to FaceTime him later in the evening when they’re going bed. He said ok, so I tried to FaceTime him at 8pm which is the time we agreed on, and he didn’t pick up. I’m assuming he’s out, AIBU to be upset? Feel like we’ve barely spoken, and he doesn’t seem to care. I feel like I’m the one putting in the effort and he’s not bothered. AIBU to just ignore him and let him get on with it until he gets back? It annoys me that he has time to post pictures of him on the beach, visiting caves and posing with monkeys but won’t make the time for a quick FaceTime to his family?

AIBU?

No YANBU at all. I think I would leave it and not ring or text him again. See if he gets in contact.
Is he on holiday or working?

We both travel and have since our children were tiny. We rarely get in touch with each other when away. It makes it easier to be honest. When ours were little there wasn't FaceTime but we rarely called, it was easier for us and the children.

So if he promised he should honour that promise but as a strategy I think not keeping in touch much is better.

He's been online twice this morning, and has not even bothered to open any messages I've sent him from last night or tried to explain why he couldn't FaceTime.

That sounds shit OP. If he was just busy I’d get it - I never call my DH when he’s away with work as it’s so full on but he always messages or let’s me know he won’t have internet etc.
Arranging to FaceTime then not picking up isn’t great and being online and ignoring your messages also isn’t great.
Did you arrange to be in touch before he went? How is he usually with calls and messages?

Just leave him be. It was rude of him not to pick up when 8pm was an agreed time but doesn't sound like he's that bothered. Sorry.

Who is he on holiday with?

This would bother me. My DH regularly travels for work, and I often do but am on mat leave at the moment (currently pregnant) and have a toddler. We share a google calendar for both our work (freelancers) so we always know when we can get in touch with each other. I think it’s really unsupportive - what if you really needed to talk to him to sort something out? Do you have much other support network when he’s away? I rang my DH the other day while he was away because I was just a bit hormonal and emotional! I could see he was on a break through the calendar and he picked up straight away. Obviously we don’t talk all the time but will ring each other several times a day just to check in.

Yanbu. My kids would be upset if their father went away and had no contact with them.

I wouldn't be happy with this. Yanbu, he is being dismissive and rude. Surely he should care and wish to know how you and the dc are? Especially as he's updating social media regularly.

I would stop contacting him, but wouldn't be preparing a hero's welcome for him on his return.

DH and I both travel for work (and pleasure) without each other and the kids and sometimes you are busy, don’t have WiFi etc. But we always check in regularly to say I’ve landed, I’ve just got to the hotel, hope bedtime with the kids goes ok, give the kids a kiss goodnight from me etc.

I would be really upset with him. Not FaceTiming the kids when you had agreed a time and then not giving any explanation is really shit.

YANBU, I would be upset too.

OP, who is he traveling with? Honestly it sounds suspicious...

I think its shit tbh. I dont bother my husband if hes on a work trip- I'll message him but am happy with a reply as and when as I know he is out in the evenings etc. But if hes on a holiday, without you, unless it's a stag do or something then that's a bit odd in itself and the least he could do is make time to respond. Uploading pics of himself to social media while ignoring your messages and calls with his own children is just rubbing all your faces in it

From my experience young kids are better with no contact rather than facetime or calls every day. Whilst it is intended to show them that the absent parent is thinking about them/missing them etc, it also reminds them that the parent isn't there as opposed to being at work. Obviously this is different for older children. We don't tend to contact each other much when away.

OP is he on a work trip or a holiday? Maybe he has some connection problems where he is but to be honest i'd be really really cross as i'd be quite worried

It would arise my suspicions, especially the moving bit.

He doesn't get to just check out of being a parent. I'd wonder if he hasn't got the company of someone who doesn't know he's happily married with children.

Him supporting animal abuse by way of having pictures taken, would also piss me off.

YANBU. I'd be really upset at that.

Is he on holiday with family or friends? Is it a one-off?

It does come across as him behaving like a single man and ignoring the existence of his family!

I'd leave contact up to him now. You've made all the effort and shown willing, he knows his children are dying to talk to him but he hasn't bothered. See whether he EVER initiates contact or whether the first thing you hear is a call to pick him up from somewhere. 😳

When is it your turn?

YANBU and I would be upset too.

I occasionally travel (within the uk) for work - sometimes I don’t have time to FT but I’ll always have time to text and apologise at the least! Common courtesy surely?!

Is your relationship normally good? Who is he there with?

YANBU. He's being a shit. Especially when you agreed a time.