Unfriendly nursery teacher

[Wantosleep39]

Hi everyone
I am finding a little difficult to get feedback about my son from his nursery. If I don’t ask they don’t say anything. I get little information only if he cries or have an accident. They don't have a key worker system. They have 5 nursery staff and one of them is a leader. Some of the staff are very friendly but I don’t find the nursery leader is friendly and easy to approach. I feel like she is ignoring me a bit. For example when she walk pass she doesn’t even look at me but smile a bit. Maybe she thinks if she made eye contact She has to chat. Nothing so rude or obvious but she does little things make me unwelcome. Her body language very unfriendly. One of the mum I usually chat feels the same about her.
I also feel like my son is a bit neglected for example kids make lots of activity like arts and crafts and they put them on the wall with their name on. My sons name never on the wall. If I ask they say he didn’t want to do it. They also made very cute bunting about the kids saying “my name is this and I like this food and my favour play is this” my son is not there too. Because my son refuse to decorate it. I know my son he probably didnt want to do it but with a little encouragement I know he will do it.
I talked to the leader she said lots of them didn’t do it and they don’t force them. I feel like they only do those things with the kids who does it and won’t put any afford for others. There are also lots of kids pictures on the wall and most of them are same kids. I count one girl have 5 pictures and my son has none. I feel like nursery staff has their favourite kids and my son is not one of them. I feel like he is only playing there.
AIBU to be able know (weekly or daily) what my son did in nursery and also demand to encourage him to do other things not only play. I actually hope I am unreasonable. I am very new with all this. He is my fist and I don’t know what to expect. But it doesn’t feel right collet him from his nursery with no information. I want to address that but I don’t know how. Even when I put in the words it doesn’t even explain it well. Of course I am not going to complain about her to the school but I want to let her know that it’s not right and I am not ok with it. I thought about talking but what am I actually say to her? If some of you really good at put things in words please help me.
Thanks for reading and I really appreciate all of your responses .

When children are in Nursery and Reception, the curriculum they should be following is called the EYFS (it stands for Early Years Foundation Stage). It is delivered by following the children's interests and choices, so the staff are right that children have the choice about coming to the art table (or whatever).

Is this a school Nursery class?
If so, the ratios are 1 adult to 13 children, so you won't get a 'handover chat' on a daily or probably even weekly basis I'm afraid.
I'm surprised they don't have a key worker system that is apparent to you though.
If you have concerns though, ask if you can arrange to have a quick chat one of the days next week though.

Everything you've said is related to arts and crafts.. maybe he doesn't want to do painting, and they're being kind to not force him. I imagine he plays/ does other things e.g. building a tower from blocks but they can't put that up on the wall.
I wouldn't factor 'art on a wall' in to the argument at all.

Yes it is a school nursery class. I understand that they don’t want to force I wouldn’t want that too but not sure if they are encouraging him a bit or just letting him play.
I just don’t know what they are doing there. I am talking about art and craft only because they are the only reference to me.

The arts and crafts thing aside, I think if you are getting a general lack of communication feeling it is either because your expectations are too high (I don’t know how often or for how long you want to talk) or because theirs are too low (they should be telling you the basics). It’s hard to say.

Is he happy? Does he enjoy going in?
Does he ever tell you about things he did,or talk about friends or games he plays?

Then he's fine.

I rarely talked to any of DD's teachers outside of parent's evening from preschool and up to y3 now.

You could always request a meeting if you'd like to find out more about what he does and how he is.

It's a shame the staff are not very forthcoming. But if I were you I would be making my judgements about how my child is in the nursery by how he behaves when you drop him off and pick him up.Is he clingy, or does he say a quick goodbye and want to be off playing? Does he talk about what he has played with that day, big bikes, bats and balls, climbing, Lego, little cars, the sand, the water. If he is happy to go in in at the start of the session , and seems happy when he comes home then I wouldn't worry too much. SOme children are far happier engaged in active playing rather than arts and crafts, colouring, painting etc,. Don't worry, you have many years ahead of you when he will bring things home/ have things up on the wall. The nursery staff are obliged by law to keep records about what children do, and evidence of their development, but to be honest my criteria for a good nursery is more about the quality of the interaction between the staff and the children rather than how good the staff are at record keeping and being friendly to parents!

PS "just letting him play" is what children need to be doing. By and large play is how young children learn and develop, a good nursery will be watching their play, encouraging language development and social skills .

I’m a nursery teacher. Most of this is pretty standard. We don’t do a ‘handover chat’ like private nurseries do because of the number of children we have and the fact they are 3 and up so in theory they should be able to tell you themselves in most cases. However anything significant e.g events parents need to be aware of, questions about a child, such as ‘I’ve noticed he seems tired lately... is he sleeping okay?’ or any behaviour/other issues will be communicated with specific parents.

As for the craft activities we take the same approach. If they don’t want to do it they don’t have to. Our play is child initiated, if they don’t want to take part in a craft activity they don’t have to unless it’s for a specific reason e.g an Xmas card to take home.

Displays I think are a trickier one, in my experience there isn’t much thought put into which children are or are not on the board but those children who are naturally more ‘into’ activities will appear more frequently because they’ll choose to be engaging in an activity when the photos are taken. Again I would not specifically look to make sure every child appeared on a board.

Why don’t you ask to see his learning journey (or equivalent in his setting) so you can see what he’s been upto.

I hope that’s helpful.

Also please note good quality child initiated play is far more valuable in terms of learning than an adult directed craft activity. I would much rather see a child playing in an area they’re interested in being encouraged and supported by an adult than a child being directed to take part in a craft activity they have no interest in.

@WhiskeyLullaby yes he loves his nursery. He founded a bit tricky for the first week but settled really well after that. He says quick goodbye and of to play now. Also very happy at pick up times too. I guess I worried too much as I never left him someone else before

@viques he talks about sandpit, diggers, red bikes, water table. I just thought they don’t put any afford on him as it’s just easier for them to let him play. But I can see that’s not the case. Thank you

@MaryH90 thank you so much for your reply. It’s so comforting to hear from a nursery teacher.
It’s good to hear what is the standard school nursery. I had no idea what to expect. I was so excited also very emotional about him starting nursery. As I never left him before I guess I just wanted to know everything he is doing there. He is my first and I am all new with these things. Thank you so much again.
I still think leader is not friendly to me but seems like my son likes her so that’s the most important

I know it’s a worrying time. I have a two year old and would love to know what she gets up to in childcare every day but i know sometimes I just have to presume she’s had fun! She’s always happy to go there and sometimes tells me bits and pieces like ‘I play with drum’ or ‘I play dressing up’. She also talks fondly about her key person so I know they have a bond. As long as your little one is happy that’s the main thing.

My son's first nursery teacher got my back up straight away, she kept calling me "mum" and certainly wasnt warm and friendly. But the children seemed happy & my son did always say he'd had fun. He didnt line crafts either ship never much to bring home. The grumpy teacher actually left half way through the term and was replaced by a lovely one!