To leave the marriage

[ODP86]

So! I’ll try and be brief... I am unhappy in my marriage, it’s not one big glaring problem, just lots of little things that are making me unhappy. I have told my husband that I want us to do couples counselling as I think there’s a problem. His response was “no, I’m happy! We don’t need to go” what the fuck do I do now?!

You do what's best for you. He may be happy, but you are not. Your husband doesn't get a vote on your happiness.

Just because he is happy, doesn't mean you have to suffer. My ex used to refuse my requests for marriage counselling. Because he was happy. But I was not. So I left. If he honestly is happy but you are not, then you are not compatible surely.

Leave.
Either he will realise there is something wrong and agree to counselling or he won't, and you can walk away and start again.
He is burying his head in the sand, and you need to tell him that arse up is not a good look

Well leave of course.

That was brief!

He's happy, you're not, so it's not working, is it?

Could you have counselling on your own to see if you can work out what the issues is and to help you decide if leaving is the best thing to do.

I think the fact that he puts his happiness above yours is pretty significant. You are both equally deserving of happiness, and your husband should support you more than anyone else when it comes to living a happy life.

Easy, he goes with you or you GO with a suitcase in hand.

Counselling costs what £50-100 a session. A divorce costs 50%ish of everything you have. What’s cheaper?

Look into leaving him. Gather all the information about how you would divide your assets, what arrangements you might make for DC (if you have any together), whether you would move out of the current home or get him to move out. When you have all the facts, decide what you'd prefer to do. Remember that it's fine to leave an unsatisfactory partner even if the reasons don't seem 'bad enough' to other people. He doesn't have to be violent, controlling or a relentless fannyrat for you to decide that the marriage isn't working for you, and you don't need his permission to end it.

@reanimatedSGB “relentless fannyrat” is the best thing I’ve heard all day! But I feel like you’ve hit the nail on the head really. I feel like to leave a marriage it’s meant to be awful and it’s not, we could probably rub along for a few more years without me going postal, but I think if there’s a problem fix it while it’s manageable, rather than wait till it’s totally fucked. It’s only been 4 years so I’m not well versed in marriages and my friends are wonderful and supportive but are very loyal and take my side, so I thought I’d throw it out here to some strangers and see what an unbiased opinion would be!