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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To report him next time?

21 replies

Ludos · 17/10/2019 13:53

I have just found out that my STBXH was drink - actually drunk - driving at the weekend. Friday and Saturday night. Was prob over the limit in the AM too. He's likely been doing this for a while, and likely will this weekend. I want to report him - but I'm not with him when it happens....

OP posts:

VaggieMight · 17/10/2019 13:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

theretheirtheyrenotno · 17/10/2019 13:56

Yes you should report but the logistics could be difficult! Do you know when he'll be getting in the car and where?

midnightmisssuki · 17/10/2019 13:57

But the thing is your guessing. What if he’s not and you call the cops on him and they find him sober? I mean unless you 100% know, I personally wouldn’t risk being wrong?

messolini9 · 17/10/2019 14:00

What if he’s not and you call the cops on him and they find him sober?

Then the cops will establish that he has not committed an offence, & let him go. They're hardly going to tell him "oh your wife thought you were pissed", are they?!
Especially if OP reports anonyously.

Original poster

Ludos · 17/10/2019 14:01

I know where he would be but not what time he would leave, and I don't know for sure that he would drive. I only know in the morning when his car is on the drive despite stinking of alcohol having been drinking for at least 5 hours.

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/10/2019 14:03

If you know where he is likely to be while drinking, yes I would call them and give them his location, reg number and the fact you suspect he will be driving over the limit. They can do whatever they like with that information, depending on circumstances and manpower.

Totally his own fault if he gets caught drink-driving. If he's sober; then no harm done.

anniemac1 · 17/10/2019 14:04

Does he drive your children? This may be a factor. to help you decide

Original poster

Ludos · 17/10/2019 14:14

He did drive them in the morning, but not sure if would have still been over the limit

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/10/2019 14:22

If you have even the slightest suspicion that he's over the limit, do NOT let them get in the car FGS!

Beveren · 17/10/2019 14:23

Is he living with you? If you call the cops as soon as he arrives, at the very least they can put the fear of God into him based on the car being warm and him being clearly drunk.

Original poster

Ludos · 17/10/2019 14:31

'If you have even the slightest suspicion that he's over the limit, do NOT let them get in the car FGS'

I'm not with him??!

OP posts:

Original poster

Ludos · 17/10/2019 14:32

'Is he living with you? If you call the cops as soon as he arrives, at the very least they can put the fear of God into him based on the car being warm and him being clearly drunk.'

He would know it was me then though?

OP posts:

Beveren · 17/10/2019 14:33

Does it matter if he knows it was you, given that he's about to be your ex husband?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/10/2019 14:34

He did drive them in the morning

@Ludos, apologies I assumed he picked them up from yours?

Ohyesiam · 17/10/2019 14:35

But the thing is your guessing. What if he’s not and you call the cops on him and they find him sober? I mean unless you 100% know, I personally wouldn’t risk being wrong?

That doesn’t matter at all, he’ll be checked and sent on his way. There’s nothing to personally risk.

Original poster

Ludos · 17/10/2019 14:37

'Does it matter if he knows it was you, given that he's about to be your ex husband?'

Putting my safety first.

Obviously if ever I am there and know he's over the limit and he has the DC I would not let them in the car with him, but I would have to be very tactful and know for sure he was over the limit.

OP posts:

Jaxhog · 17/10/2019 14:39

Yes. Or next time he could kill someone.

NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 17/10/2019 14:41

Good luck.

I reported someone 5 times.

Told them what pub she was in, where she would be driving too, what time, how often (every day) and they didn't send someone out.

She got caught two years later in the morning on the way to work as she pulled out of a garage with her lights off.

She was still steaming from the night before so you can imagine how pissed she was when she was driving home when I kept reporting her.

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 17/10/2019 14:41

So he's bringing the kids back to you? If so, where were the DCs when he was busy getting drunk? I'd be very worried if I thought someone was driving my DCs while intoxicated.

Maybe make a call to the non-emergency line to say you've recently become aware that your STBXH is sometimes driving drunk, or could still be over the limit when driving. Give them his name and registration and they can keep an eye out for him on the roads.

NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 17/10/2019 14:42

Why are we calling them 'cops'?

I just cringed so hard.

Beveren · 17/10/2019 14:43

If he's driving the children back to you when it's obvious he's been drinking, you need to insist that any contact with them is supervised and does not involve them getting into a car driven by him.

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